Just fucken bend over and take it like a fucken man with no balls, why don't you.
I am writing this in the hope I don't go do something stupid. It's time I lay it in the line and say I am about to get fucken stupid. One sided conversation. One sided mentality. That is what I am. I am not going to listen to anyone that is sane. I have had this feeling in me like I am going to just not be here one day. Not be present. Maybe I should just castrate myself that way my ego and pride will disappear. Maybe it is time for human and man to not exist. I mean we do nothing but bad things anyway. Even when we say we are pressured we are just left like we are the one in the wrongs.
Fucken hell how morbid is this beginning. A beginning to an end. Lots of shouting. No hair pulling. Feel like punching something. The table. I think I just broke a laptop. Oh well that is the story here anyway. The fucken stupidity of life in a chaotic mind. Even the trying is not something that will be good enough one day. Is this the self sabotage I am always thinking I am quite capable of. Fuck this bitch. Fuck this situation. Just fuck it all.
Should I leave.
Should I stay.
Should I carry on.
Fuck me, I hate this feeling. Its bloody me inside. And in the end I am deranged. I don't want to talk about yet I am forced to since that is what is needed by what we need. Or want. A fucken holiday. Since that is more important that what is long term. Instant gratification, after all only a quickie will suffice and any amount of longer lasting play will just result in chaffed insides anyway since its so damned dry. Breaking the fucken skin. Stinging. Cos that is what life is about anyway. Suffering. No point in relying on anyone since they will just bloody do what ever they choose to there liking. This is probably why I am not the ruler of the world. Cos I would probably do some drastic shit that results in drastic shit.
I think my hot head is starting to subside. But his bloody headache is still there. Pounding. Maybe I should skull the bottles of alcohol stored on my book shelves. Cos there is no need for an alcohol bar when the alcohol will just get consumed so fast it will probably result in the eventual demise more quickly. It's about that stage in life where mortally starts to creep into the brain and planted there like a ticking time bomb. The degeneration of health into the rotting of the flesh and anything contained within it.
Fuck asking questions since after all it is better to just speak to myself since I will probably get a better answer. Fucken options, why give them when responses to them are not even looked at from the others shoe. A bottomless pit just sucking you dry. A fucked dirty whore who will bleed you and drain you of everything you though you had inside of you. I think it best to say it is probably better that I stick my head in the sand and just mumble lalas until the cows come home then look up with a blindfold that way I am not in a state of conscience. Where is the time and place going to take me when all I think about is this nagging feeling that there are bloody small teeth just nipping at my balls slowly until finally I don't even know who I am one day. No recollection as to why I am even going to fight about something. I should just lay down and open the doors and let the whole world in and take what ever the fuck it wants and then some.
Who the fuck are you!?
Seriously.
Who. The. Fuck. Are you!?