Should I just take the plunge and leave it all in the winds of time or should I ride the wave like the Big Kahuna.

Not a lot of things are happening in my life but there is something life changing occuring. I have been alluding to this change for the last three weeks and I am still not going to spill the beans on what it is. If you follow me you will surely see from my posts, life is not what it seems to be a normalcy.

Being ambiguous is something I take pride in. Being an extrovert I often and mostly all the time speak too much for even my own good. Eyes looking at each other like I is the last time. Even when goodbyes are non existent. I know my pride is very high. In fact I am here just spilling out indirect thoughts where an observant eye can always lead anyone into misunderstanding the full picture. Then again even I am confused at the full implications of how things will change.

There will be travel.

Always have I known I will not be here forever but did not expect my departure to be about something else entirely all alone. Responsibility always thrust into my face like a badge I have to wear even when I am not expecting sympathy, my pride demands I will not kneel. I will just make myself stand with nothing in my head other than to be somewhere and anywhere I am not going to be noticed. A time to just be.

I have watched from the sidelines for a while, quite a long while, living life as simply as possible. Now and in the coming months things will most likely change in my feed and my posts. Here I am being ambiguous again, I cannot help it.

Are you ok?

Yes, I'm fine...

Are you sure?


Being asked if I am ok, while I appreciate it there is nothing for anyone to see other than what I am presenting. Yes, the picture I am painting is not perfect with all the trimmings of a summers day lounging about. Like a missed chance into something hidden? Perhaps if there is more looking and less asking, maybe just maybe they will see something there but not there.

Being lost is not all bad.

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Hope I don't trip up and lose everything on the way to something I am not even sure will be healthy for anyone. I am wracked with guilt at what I have decided on. Will you help out with things? Will you be there? Where are you going? Are you gone forever?

Forever left me like a momentary breeze in the meadows. It could blow the next day or it could go somewhere else. Sometimes the waiting is far worse than the actual life changing events. The anticipation prolonged into anxiety.

I'll just breathe...
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