It's not easy being alive but sometimes it can be dangerous too especially for women. In response to Ladies of Hive's (LOH) community topic of the week I would like to share my thoughts. This post aims to shed some light on what women can do against physical and psychological threats.

But first let me just say, if you are not a follower of mine and are not familiar with me, I would like you to read an older post. This one is something that happened to me back in college. Or I think sometime after we already graduated.

Jeepney Holdup, Like a Telenovela Scene

Now why should you read that and what's the connection to this topic, you might wonder. Simply because this is how you will see what kind of personality I have. (Actually right now I think I'm kinda transitioning but that's a topic for another day.) It's so this post won't be too long; for better context.

The point is, as women we are not supposed to be aggressive afaik. If you observe, in nature it is always the males (lions, wolves, etc.) that protect and lead the family. (But when it comes to mating, female spiders eat the male ones. 😂 Savage.)

However just because we females are supposedly delicate beings doesn't mean we should just cry and freeze up when threatened. That's usually the first thing that happen to us. Especially when we are not used to facing bad behavior, we end up getting scared and unable to move or say anything. Thus we end up being victims all the time.

Personally, I feel I have long been prepared to face physical and psychological threats. I've been dealing with them since I was a kid you know. 😂 I practically grew up with regular exposure to such an environment. Unfortunately I have never learned any physical self-defense techniques whatsoever. I'd love to but still haven't been able to.

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Anyway, because I am not one to freeze and be paralyzed in imminent danger, I'd like to share some tips for all the ladies out there. Depending on your upbringing, these should still come in handy.

1 Use Your Bad Life Experiences To Make Yourself Stronger 💪

We all start life as babies, and then we become kids. In school we experience life with many children (who are strangers) for the first time. For sure you have experienced some bullying, or perhaps you were the one who bullied others. But think about it, as someone who got bullied, what did you learn from it? As someone who hurt other kids, what have you realized?

I've been in both sides so let me tell you about it. In 1st grade I remember one scenario where I was kind of a bully. A new friend of mine was sitting in the row in front of me. She was looking back and talking to us. One of her hands was on the back part of her seat, fingers dangling over the edge. For some reason I thought it would be fun to step on it. 😆 Ah my childhood days.

I did step on her fingers, hard enough for her to cry. 💔 And that's when I realized, oh no, it's not fun at all. Somebody got hurt because of me. Oh boy. And so from that day on I realized we humans are fragile. I decided never to hurt others deliberately because it isn't good at all.

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But that didn't stop me from hitting boys who teased me. 😂 I was like, well hey, you hurt my feelings (psychological) I'll hurt you back physically. 😆 Ah public school days. 😂

The thing is, I wasn't like that before. At a very young age I experienced some form of harassment from an adult man, a boy classmate in kindergarten (private school) and an older kid (public school) at 2nd grade (I think).

In short, I got culture shock from private to public school. You'll really develop a fighting spirit studying in public school. 😂 Early exposure to different kinds of people should make one a well-rounded individual. Don't let yourself be the doormat, puhleeeze.

On the other side of the coin, over the years it didn't matter if other classmates would bully me. I just ignored them mostly. Why? Because I know what would happen when you hurt others. It's not fun to break other people. It's not worth retaliating and being angry towards anyone.

But of course this conclusion is based on my life experiences. For sure you can also find your own way to make yourself stronger against bullies and bad people. Or the other way around, how you can stop being mean and/or a bully to others.

Remember, every bad experience has a great life lesson in it. Don't waste it.

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2 Learn Self-Defense: Physical and/or Psychological

If you are prepared for the worst, you won't be caught by surprise by anyone. It's best to take self-defense lessons like taekwondo, wing chun, arnis, etc. Better to be safe than sorry. You know what they say, prevention is always better than cure.

I have yet to take such lessons but I enjoy watching self-defense videos. Haha. As if that would help me one day without practicing any moves. Ah life. Anyway I have always believed God and my guardian angel are my protectors. That's all I need so whatever happens in my life I leave it up to Him. 😁🙏

As for defending ourselves from psychological attacks, women need to learn about psychopaths and sociopaths. Most common are narcissists, you need to be aware of how these people treat others.

Unfortunately most women end up living with narcissists and are ignorant about it for years/decades. I should know because I experienced it too. From family members to ex-friends and schoolmates, I've seen 'em all.

When you are unaware and experience life with such a person, you will either end the relationship/s and realize you've become an empath or you will develop a weak and victim personality. The latter is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.

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The best thing would be breaking free from such people and never be under their thumb ever again. (Simultaneously this means getting rid of your victim personality.) That's the most rewarding feeling. It will make you a very strong woman at the end of it all. You may end up having less friends in the long run but you will have more peace of mind.

Either way, you must first learn about the abovementioned human psychological patterns. Find out the best way to respond to narcissists/abusive people and any bad behavior. (The internet is a vast resource, use it well by looking up professionals, experts and trusted resources.) Knowing these will keep your mental health status strong against any attacks they make.

3 Bottom-line: Constant exposure to physical and psychological threats is the best way to fight against them.

Sadly, most of the time experience is the best teacher. Life happens and the more bad things we experience the better we will be. If you're constantly protected by your parents then how will you grow as a person? Do you think you will you be able to learn to bike well without ever experiencing falling and bruising your knees and elbows? When you don't make mistakes or failures, how will you become successful in life?

Of course I don't mean you need to look for criminals or be friends with thugs just to get experience. 😂 But if you already have them in your life, well, see if you can safely learn by interacting with them. Otherwise you can also learn things by watching videos, tutorials, movies and thinking about what if situations. Imagination and practicing various scenarios regularly can help someone a lot in order to be active when the need arises.

_{Getting into any form of sports helps make you physically and emotionally stronger too! photo source}

If you live in a positive and happy environment your only recourse would be to practice on your own or with someone you trust. For psychological development for example, why not do mock scenarios with a friend? Or if you really wanna learn in the absence of threatening situations, get yourself out there. Perhaps visit the slums or do volunteer work in highly urban areas. If you're brave enough maybe go work in war-torn places.

Observe the people you meet and interact with. Look at the way they treat you and see if anyone is exhibiting abusive behavior, psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies or whatever. Compare it to what you learned on how to respond to such demeanor. Respond appropriately. Doing this often will make you more aware of what to do in any situation that will pop up.

Then again, the reality is you win some, you lose some. Such is life. 😉 However of course when you are aware of bad behavior you can surely develop the right coping mechanisms. If you know what to do, it will make you alert to act in the moment instead of being paralyzed, scared and forever a victim.


XOXO,
@artgirl