Just in time (save me)

I have always wondered how I do it, how do I do it? I still don't know even as I am writing this. If I can remember correctly it was @tengolotodo that gave it the name. I'd just been doing it back to back and it had become a norm for me. Apparently, he had been doing the same thing at that point in time. It is called the "Just in Time" JIT for short. I can't even remember the exact day it started, but I believe it was something I slowly gravitated towards during my first year on hive when all my days were so choked up I could only write at night. And before long it just became the norm to write just before the end of the day.

The thing about me is I have always been someone who is capable of activating deadline mode. Whenever my there is a deadline approaching or the day Is almost over my brain goes into hyper mode. A weird state where I am suddenly faster and things I couldn't do before become easier. I can not count the number of times I have procrastinated and then I look at the time, realize it is almost the deadline and I suddenly blaze through everything with the strength, brain power, and skill I wasn't even aware I had before. And the crazy thing about it is how draining and nerve wracking it can be during the process. I often find myself panicking and begging God to let me make it, telling myself I will never put myself through this much pain again, and praying for a miracle. And then when the miracle finally happens there's a peace and calm that suddenly washes over me. And then unsurprisingly, I go ahead and do the very same thing the very next day. It is almost masochistic lol.

And then there's also my internal stress alarm. There have been multiple times I have fallen asleep with a deadline to achieve and then like magic. No alarm, no one to wake me up, my body automatically recognizes what is about to happen (after all I slept with the task in mind) and automatically jerks up with what turns out to be just enough time to salvage the situation.

I keep telling myself, one day you're going to mess up and it is going to hurt so bad. Once in a while I even want to mess up when it is not so detrimental, why? So that I can face the consequences of my actions and finally put an end to the JIT, but then I am unable to willingly let myself not meet up. Because if I do, then it won't be enough to spark a change. I know, I know, I am sounding like a crazy person, but I often do this sometimes. It is fun to self reflect and look inward. So now, let me ask questions, does anyone have any ideas on how I can deliver myself from JIT? Oh and FYI, if you look closely you'll see that this post is also a Just in Time post. Somebody save me

THANKS FOR READING

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