Reflection: The Past Shouldn't Be Better.

It is very interesting to see how looking back on things that occurred in the past makes me see now as a blessing. You see, my country isn't a place where such thought is expected because the past and present aren't meant to be on the same page. This is because the past seems to be better than the present.

Yeah... it is unreasonable. An abomination because the present is supposed to be better. Thankfully, I can say that last year, for me, is a year I wouldn't wish on anyone. It was a past which I didn't want a repeat of. It is a past I believe should not be better than my present, and I am glad last year made that possible.

It is hard to reflect on what happened last year because it was so bad. It's a sad story I don't want to remember, and it all started at the beginning of the year. Yeah! It started in the first week of January, and it escorted me throughout the year. I gave up many times because giving up just felt right. It was the peaceful way to go, but I wasn't able to leave because I had some lovable forces around me who saw the need to edge me forward.

Emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually, I was lost. Series of sickness took hold of me like a tick on my skin. So strong that it didn't let go. I was diagnosed with something I never thought of, and I wasn't even able to cry because the sickness had taken away my tears. I couldn't even think because the internal pain made it unbearable, too. So what's left? What should I do at this moment, if not seek a peaceful passage to end it all.

I just stood there. Right on the bed like a log of wood. I am unable to move by myself even with help rendered. I had to be carried. I felt useless, like an handicapped which made things harder because I wasn't born that way. It was a tough time for me, and every month seems to bring its story. It felt like every month wanted their story to be heard. A different painful story.

Drugs, injections, and whatnot became my new schedule. Each day was brutal to my health and sanity. And it wasn't how I saw myself living the year. It was unexpected.

This time last year, I was in bed with my phone ringing as usual and was unable to pick it up. And it wasn't because I didn't want to. It was because I couldn't lift my hands to pick up my phone or speak. The reason for the closest thing close to food, which was pap, was taken because I needed to take injections or drugs. And even with taking a liquid food, I still found it hard to swallow without wincing out in pain.

I spent a lot both online and offline. I became a money machine to private nurses I got and to pharmacists. I spent money like I own the world's most resourceful mineral in my hand. When I saw the bank history of my money transfer each month, I almost had a heart attack. It was unbelievable how I spent such an amount every month with the margin moving up like a crypto chart of a bull run.

But with all that happened. I survived, I had sweet people beside me who never let me down. New friends were made during those tough times. And we grew our relationships from there. And, yeah, unlike last year, this year I am right here with my phone in hand. Typing away like a keyboard pro and looking back, I'd have to admit I have come a very long way. With my health stable now and my finances improved. I am thankful. Every morning I wake up without pain is the most peaceful time of my life. It feels like I am given a second chance to live life, and I am not taking it for granted.

The people I met are great contributing factors in my life, and also, I had a second thought on taking my health more seriously, which means there's no working myself till my limbs break anymore. Eat good food, enjoy my minimalist lifestyle, and never forget the reason behind the chance given.

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_{Images used are mine.}

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Still yours truly,
Balikis.

Thanks for reading.

Peace be unto those who crave it and more to those who chase it away.