The Conductor


Photo On Pexel by Juliana-Polizel

Oh, here we are again, come on right in, you need not need to be afraid cos I am not talking about physics so you are safe and so am I.

You can relate to this if you are from Nigeria or have been there.

The country's leaders might be shitty but well the citizens are happy with memes on their feeds all day long.

Just like I said, you can relate to this if you have been in Nigeria on how Lagos conductors are, if you don’t know well
I can tell you that you should believe this quote that says “many are mad but few are roaming.”

You’ve got to check your brain every minute by shaking it or holding your head to be sure you haven’t been ‘zombied’(not yet a word but you are free to use it) by how some conductor in Lagos acts.

I have been privileged to meet some conductors and passengers who had got me laughing like a maniac after trying hard to hold it in like holding up a fart when your crush came over to talk to you.

There was a bus I entered and the conductor said the word “Isn't that your money?” to passengers who had refused to enter his bus.

Picture this scene where someone had to ask you “does this money belong to you?” and when you turned back to find him/her pointing to an empty floor..

Without putting you in more state of hunger, let me tell my story of an encounter with “the conductor”

I had woken up early to meet a colleague of mine at the bus stop, she was pregnant and needed to get the baby's stuff and I seem to know some places which is why we agreed on meeting at the bus stop.

While waiting to get a bus to hop in, a bus stopped beside us and some passengers came down which gave in space for us to get, while seated, a lady came over just before the bus moved and she told the conductor of her destination and he called a higher price.

She tried to negotiate and he just tapped the bus to signal the driver to move, just when the bus moved a bit, the conductor told the driver to wait and called for the lady to come over, and what did he say when she did..

Can you guess?? Who knows you might guess right but I can assure you at that moment none of us passengers could.

Care to know what he said??

Oh, I will tell you, maybe not exactly as he had as I can feel my keyboard cracking up as I type reminiscing on what he had told her.

At first, he asked her how much they sell Gala(a snack) now, the question seems off but she answered anyways and he continued.

Oh, yeah.. He did continue, saying, I suggest you get 4 gala's and sachet water since I bet your money won’t be able to get a mineral to go, tie your shoelaces well and checking his time he continued, in 3 hours if you are fast in walking, you should get to your destination and just then he tapped the bus to move.

And our reactions?? At first, everyone was gobsmacked by his statement but then a woman at his back got out of the trance and she surprised him and us too.

What did she do?? Yeah, she slapped him on the head, and when he looked back to talk she gave him a knock and gave him a shush sign like she put her hands on her lips in a fashion manner to shush him up.

And did he shush up his mouth? Yes, he did so like a sulking baby which brought in lots of laughter on the bus.

My colleagues and I did have a lovely time at the market and we sometimes use the sign the woman gave to the conductor to shush people up at work.

When we finally let out the story at work, it became more fun when someone does it as it reminded us of “the conductor."

I am sure you have your stories as well, care to share them? Feel free to buzz into the comment section with your thoughts on this.

Thanks for reading.

Still yours truly,
Balikis.

Peace be unto those who crave it and more to this who chase it away



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It is interesting to know the stories of the passengers on the buses in the other countries. I tell you that here in Venezuela it is usual for the driver to play music so loud that it is impossible to communicate with him in any way, and the collector will always try to keep the change from the fare, we have to remind him of that.

My regards

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On the note of music and reminding the collector, we do have that here too, some drivers just get you riled up and you have to constantly remind the collector of your change else it will be gone😂😂.

Thanks for reading and sharing that experience of yours.

Thanks for stopping by 😊.

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I was at home wanting to do something, but I didn't know what to do and I told myself to stop by the #comedyopenmic community, someone always comes in with their crazy anecdotes. I have never been to Nigeria, I would like to go, I could learn that they give a blow to the bus to move forward, that people arrive asking to accept less than what the fare is worth, that there are pregnant women and one or another kind user ha,ha,ha. A lot of things have happened to me while riding the bus. The worst was sitting next to a drunk (heavy drinker) and feeling him brush against my leg, how disgusting! One time someone did something I can't say around here. Well, that's over now.

I wasn't wrong I knew I was in for a good laugh. Thank you @baliskis95 for this very special Friday night moment

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(Edited)

Hehe, well you are in for more laughs on arrival to the country, some people there define the word crazy well😂😂.

Thanks for reading through, your experience with the drunkard is hilarious, I would have puked at the smell of alcohol as it is nothing to write home about😅😅.

Thanks for tuning in once again🤗🤗

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Haha well, that lady might have a black belt to treat such conductors. Some bus embarrassing or embracing moments Hehe last time when I travelled in the local bus a passenger was sitting next to me and she almost slept while placing her head on my shoulder I mean I am soft like a sofa 🤣 but don't use me that way. I didn't react and accidentally she dropped on the wrong station. I didn't stop her for a reason of safety 😁 have a great weekend.

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I mean I am soft like a sofa 🤣 but don't use me that way.
😂😂😂 this got me rolling out.. Some passengers are just funny so are some conductors, who know maybe the woman had a black belt😅😅.
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I have been to Nigeria and this had me laughing,
It is true Balikis, I have seen similar things with my own eyes 👀

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Hehe with your 👀 😂😂... Great experience I bet.

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Oh yes, and of course I was a novelty everywhere I went🤣

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😂😂😂 cracker.. Would have loved to see your reactions then.

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I have had bad experiences with conductor and why are they always angry? I can never understand them

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😂😂😂 I can't blame them.. Maybe it is the noises they hear from cars and shouts that always get them in bad moods🤣🤣

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Unfortunately, I haven't been to Nigeria so haven't experienced one of your conductors. In fact, it's a long time since the conductor role left our buses in both the UK and Ireland.

My husband is a bus driver though, and the stories he tells about his days can be hilarious. They are, as you can imagine, usually directed at the passengers and other drivers.

The most recent story involved a stuck bus that was holding up traffic in the city centre because the driver couldn't get around a corner. He couldn't get around because of new bollards that had recently been fixed on the road for traffic calming and someone who had parked in a no-parking spot on the road.

This wouldn't do, as you can imagine, so workmen who were still working on the street (and have been for years!) had to get an axel grinder out to cut the bollard and free up the traffic.

There was a video of it as it caused quite a stir in the centre of Limerick. Anyway, just at the time, the bollard had been cut and the bus began to move, out comes the driver who had parked the problem car and off he drove. All while the Irish public watching cheered and laughed at the bit of excitement that had fallen on their day.

If you want to watch the video, you can find it here

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Hehe.. Gosh, such a funny moment...now I am so jealous your husband got to witness all these craziness😂😂..thanks for tuning in and I won't miss the video shared🤣🤣.

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Haha. Even the way you narrated this is so comic. When I get into those buses, I sometimes ask myself if we live in the same country with some people. You can't be bored in Nigeria.

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You can't oo 😂😂... You will find happiness amid the overflow troubles here and there... Thanks for tuning in Sis..🤗🤗

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So hilarious, written like a true Nigerian.
Love the humor @balikis95, cheers 🥂 to more laughter.

@dreemport brought me here.

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😂😂😂 a full-blooded one at that... Thanks for tuning in dreemer😇😇

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hehe I am back again from dreemport this time, to see those wee legs of yours pumping!

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😂😂... It is well-pumped and ready for action.. Just say the word and I would be off running a marathon in my mind😂😂

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I love watching your wee legs pump, so ready steady .....

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😆😆 I agree it is a fun watch🤣🤣🤣

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it really is, especially when I try to imagine what the little legs are wearing!

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😂😂😂 please don't go there unless you want to choke on the glass of water you are holding🤣🤣.

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jeje it is fun going there though
Good morning😁

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Evening right here, hope you are having an amazing day?

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It was good thank you, just unwinding now, how about you?

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I did have a stressful one..seems my limps are going to break any minute😂😂

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Oh no ....take it easy, I dont want to have to put you back together

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😂😂 I sure will, putting me back together should be fun. ... If I were to do that to someone I will make it hella fun😂😂, the nose could be close to the bottom 😅😅

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Haha now I think that would be for people we don't like. They can always smell their bottom 💩🤣

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Mainly for them 😂😂😂, we are going to take a picture and fix them back but show it to them when they are well fixed.

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haha yes, have to take pictures and show them, hehe and I thought I had a vivid imagination 🤣🤣🤣

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That imagination is gonna work just fine 😂😂😂

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Hahaha😂, I couldn't help laughing while reading this that at a point, felt I was seeing it happening.

Some conductors tell you the prices and stick to it while some are negotiable but this one that kept mute only to disgrace himself few minutes later................with a shhh, it's really amusing. 😂😂

Read post through #dreemport.

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😂😂😂 it sure is... Lagos conductors are vibe givers😂😂.. Thanks for tuning in dreemer🤗

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I can relate 🤣
Are you sure I will not leave Lagos for you guys? Lol

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😂😂😂 we seem to be on the same seat🤣🤣.. Lets run away please 😂😂

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😂😂😂😂
Let's run then
Lolz

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😂😂 finally... My dream come true... My box is packed and I am ready to move.

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