The goods in the bad

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Over the years, I have gotten used to earning through multiple sources but it was a lot easier because everything I did was through my computer. These days, I have to physically leave my house to earn money and I admit, it is more difficult than I envisaged.

For what it's worth, the actual work I have to do to earn is not physically demanding anymore, so I'm grateful for that side. However, I am still stressed by the general idea of going out and having to deal with people on a face-to-face basis.

Working in customer service is something that I have had to do before in large parts but like I said, it was all digital and casual. These days, it feels like my life depends on it and the stakes are quite literally higher because I have to deal with people staking on sports events.

I think one of the most difficult parts of my life now is the responsibility and strain of living in this fast-paced environment. You constantly have to be on your toes and one lapse is all it takes to find yourself in square one.

In the past, I didn't have to deal with this level of anxiety at the start or end of my day. I was simply going through the motions; grinding for writing jobs, and publishing crypto content on Hive and while I didn't have access to amenities in Nigeria, I had time to work flexibly.

In the UK, I barely have any time for myself and my family. I am constantly on the move, chasing our survival and the income does not buy time. benign

A couple of days ago, I got a bit of sad news that someone we knew lost his wife. I still haven't gotten the entire story but she was pregnant and it was probably due to health complications relating to the pregnancy. It shook me to my core because you'd think these things no longer happen in the UK.

I couldn't help but feel like the complications in her health may have been a result of the stress that comes from living in this country. It is a different kind of stress that could easily plunge you into depression and cause even deeper health issues if you don't take care of yourself.

I have made a conscious effort to find activities that I wholeheartedly enjoy and just be happy. Spending time with my wife, playing videogame and general fitness activities that include badminton have helped but they cannot actually remove the nagging thoughts in my head.

When I sit alone and stare at my reflection on the horizon, I feel like letting out a big scream. I feel trapped in a place between a rock and a hard place. I can't go back, even though back is where my heart is and staying here is better for my career but it sucks out the life in you.