Happiness and validation
The topic is validation and happiness.
What do you think is true happiness?
What do you think about validation?
Do you think you need to be validated to be happy?
Where do you think happiness should come from?
The answers to these four questions will be answered in this post.
Most people try to do a lot of things either to impress the next person or to join the crowd. A minority of people do things that they want to do. This in turn leads to pressure on every side.
What is happiness?
According to very well mind, he defines happiness as
An emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfilment.
This means that for you to be happy, you have to be satisfied with what you are doing. You also need to be content and also need to feel fulfilled.
I feel being content is one of the core attributes a happy person has.
Most importantly I feel, doing things that give you a sense of fulfilment are responsible for the happiness of most people.
Imagine if you set a goal to drink 3 litres of water a day because you know the benefits. If by chance you hit that goal consistently for months, you will feel happy about it.
Also, if your senior at work gives you a job and appreciates you for it, I guess you will also be happy.
But what if you were not appreciated and you did your best should that affect your state of mind?
A short story...
When I started my internship, I had a problem with a lot of things.
First, adjusting my lifestyle to meet that of medicine was too demanding.
Then I had to battle with the workload from working in an understaffed hospital.
So yeah it was a difficult one for me.
I was posted to a unit that required 6 interns. How many were we? It was just me.
In the past, I used to be that person who didn't care about anything.
All I wanted to do was sleep and let another day come.
However, I knew I liked to challenge myself a lot and that explains why I read for most of my exams and also never failed any professional exam.
That being said, I had to stand up to the occasion of trying to give my best and make sure there were no lapses.
However, no matter how I tried, I will get insulted, unappreciated and humiliated by my seniors.
They acted as if they didn't know I was green(a term for new house officers) in the job.
I kept on giving my best but the insults kept on increasing.
This whole thing made me sad.
I was full of anger that I couldn't even enjoy my time outside the hospital.
I would transfer aggression to my then-roommate and finally, sleep angrily.
One day, I sat down and critically looked at the situation and made a decision that changed my view of things.
Before making this decision, I discovered I was trying to impress my seniors at every point and I didn't care about the little wins I encountered.
After noticing this I said to myself self that I was no longer going to base my happiness on what they said and how they feel about me.
Many times, people like to hear nice things and be appreciated for their efforts and when they don't get any of these they begin to feel sad.
They let all those hurtful words get to them.
Yes, I get it that people validating what you do can be so nice but should that be the key to your happiness?
I don't think so.
I don't think it is right for someone to dictate my state of mind or how I should feel.
I think we as humans should dictate our happiness by what we want.
I remember a senior resident telling me that I am a minus to the team.
I looked at the situation critically and asked my self is it true?
Of course not, he was never on the ward after 12. I did all the underdog jobs till 9 pm.
I learnt to be happy with the gains I have.
In essence, internal validation should be the key to your happiness.
You should ask yourself every day, are you doing what you set out for yourself to do?
Are you achieving the things you put out for the day?
Is your time well spent?
Ask yourself questions like if I look back in time, will I say I have done a great job?
After you ask yourself all these questions, think of many ways to make sure you have good answers to the above questions.
Once you can do this, I can say for sure that you will be happy within and that will radiate outwardly.
Don't forget the best relationship you can have after God is that which you have with yourself.