The story continues - GUILT AND GOD

I hardly slept at night as guilt kept me tossing over and over again. I would wake up at the dead of the night and think till the sun stole a peep through my window.

Nothing really made sense anymore - I felt as if I was alone in this world. Life tasted sour and I was tired of ruminating on thoughts that made my heart bitter.

I struggled to keep my relationship with God...honestly, I tried. It was as if God was far away from me, at some point, I thought it was a deliberate act from Him. I reached out to people who could help. I got turned down by some while others promised to keep tabs on me and got busy with their life afterwards.

I stared at my Bible as if it were poison. Each time I opened it, I could hear a million voices saying different things but striking one message - GUILT!

In a way, I knew I was made to be more than this. There was this feeling that it won't ever be the way God once made it and deep down, I believed only God could make it all perfect. I knew God was a loving Father but I also knew He had some lessons He wanted me to face and like Adam, I was scared.

I googled about Kirk Franklin, read about his rebellious teenage years, how he had to deal with his girlfriend's pregnancy and yet go on to fulfill God's purpose for his life.

I think that shook me a bit and I began to ask God questions... I would sit up in the middle of the night talking to Him till it's morning and yet still I heard nothing. His silence spoke volumes and I wished I understood.

This propelled me to start a series titled "Dear God". The series kicked off during the lockdown last year and while many think it's my creative pen at work, It's actually every of my conversation with God.

I still hope He finds time to read all of the letters...I still have more for Him.

The story continues...