Four Generations Of Women

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to visit my grandma.

Throughout most of my life, my relationship with her has not been the best. However, this trip had been planned a week in advance, as my grandma's boyfriend recently passed away. After the birth of my first child last December, I have made it a mission of mine to ensure she has the chance to visit our immediate family. Slowly but steadily, I have been crossing names off my list. Since the recent passing of grandma's boyfriend, it was a sign that, now more than ever, the two needed to meet. After all, no one is guaranteed tomorrow...

It was quite the journey to meet her! Two buses, one train, and 4 hours of travel time later, we finally arrived at grandma's house! My mother, who I have also had a fragile relationship with, was visiting as well. Once we finished cooling off from having walked in the intense heatwave, most of the visit was spent catching up with the two of them. We conversed about how big the baby is already, how she looks more like daddy nowadays. Grandma sat with her in the rocking chair, comforting baby's fears. Grandma even gave me a toy that I have not seen since I was a child myself: a February birthstone Beanie baby!

Although it was wonderful to have my wish granted, I couldn't help but to experience a bittersweet emotion... Many years were tainted between my two maternal figures and myself. Grudges were created, over the silliest things, and years were spent in silence. Like they say: "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb." Although they are my family, my own flesh and blood, the bond has been misplaced. I often worry if we can find it in time before it is my grandma's turn to leave...

However, isn't it enough that we have reconciled? Isn't it great that our connection triumphed the grudges? Isn't it lovely that she finally has the chance to create a bond with her only great-grandchild?

I will never receive the relationship I wish I had with my family... But it isn't about me anymore. This is about my daughter now, and learning from my past mistakes so that she will not have to endure them herself. Our relationships may not be perfect, but I am grateful for the choices and sacrifices that both my mother and grandma made, not only in my life, but in one another's as well. I can still recognize that they are two incredibly strong women! Despite everything, I can only hope that I will make a fraction of the impact in my own daughter's life as they have made in mine.

And there you have it! 4 generations of women under one roof! 😄