Christmas vs. the #monomad challenge
Merry Christmas Brandt!
Good morning.
Look, it's snowing!
Well how about that, snow in winter.
Oh don't be that way now!
Okay. Coffee.
Brandt come take pictures by the tree with us!
No. More coffee.
Come play Catchphrase with us!
No. More coffee.
But Brandt we need an even number of people to play!
Bummer.
Come play Bananagrams with us!
No. More coffee.
Come to the park with us to see the Christmas lights!
No.
Look Brandt, carolers! Quick, come and listen before they're gone!
No. Tell that one guy he's off key.
Come watch It's a Wonderful Life with us!
No.
Come watch Die Hard with us!
No. And that's not a Christmas movie.
Brandt come read the story of baby Jesus with us!
No. You know I'm a heathen.
Come sit with us in the living room and talk about all the things you're thankful for!
No.
Why are you always such a party pooper, Brandt!
I'm not. This isn't a party because—
Why do you hate Christmas so much!
—there's no alcohol here.
You're ruining Christmas, Brandt!
Christmas has been ruined for decades. Maybe even centuries.
Aww don't be such a Scrooge!
I'm not. That guy was loaded, I'm dirt poor.
How can you not like Christmas!
Easy.
Everyone likes Christmas!
Everyone except me.
Nobody likes a negative Nancy, Brandt!
I'm not being negative, I'm just rejecting Christmas.
Don't you have anything you're thankful for?
Of course.
Well?
I'm thankful for bottomless coffee and a belly full of tasty homemade food.
I'm thankful for a warm bed to sleep in and a hot shower to shower in.
I'm thankful for a family that welcomes me anytime I'm willing to extract myself from Colorado and aim my ancient car their way.
Speaking of my ancient car, I'm thankful it made it halfway across the country even though the mechanics told me definitely don't drive that thing halfway across the country like that.
I'm thankful for my AAA coverage.
I'm thankful that even though it's flat as a freshly steamrolled pile of horseshit here in the flatlands there are still some interesting trails to run on nearby.
I'm thankful that I can run.
I'm thankful that I'm not tied to a depressing 9 to 5 and a boss I despise.
I'm thankful that I don't have to drop half of my income on rent every month.
And I'm thankful that anytime I get tired of existing in the Midwest,
I can simply pack up my things, get in my car, and drive back to the mountains.
Thanks @ackhoo and @qurator! Don't forget your !PIZZA before you leave!
You should have said you were thankful for coal too. If they think you like it, you won't get it anymore.
Liking Christmas is more fun though.
It is too !🎅🎄
No.
🙃
!PIZZA
Sounds like a lot of "No's". I like it that all the photos are black and white. I like it that the conversation sounds richly familiar and has made me grateful for my list, that gratitude list I keep. Great post @brandt, but then, you're always a treat.
Yes :)
And isn't there a famous song about dreaming of a black and white Christmas or something?
I'm thankful for !PIZZA
😂
There is now. I hope that pizza had some good mushrooms on it. Maybe I'll see another trippy post. 🤪
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BEER.Sheeesh, Brandt is such a party pooper but like Ebenezer Scrooge and Grinch, you'd get infected with the festive spirit eventually. 😅
Love the black and white photos 🤍
He's a real scroogy grinchy dick that's for sure. I think his heart is too cold for festivity if I'm being honest.
Have some !PIZZA but only because I'm too full to eat any more!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Other Brandt????!!!!!
Brilliant 🤣🤣
@otherbrandt is a pathological liar, don't listen to a word he says.
Libel! I'm a little bit sure that @otherbrandt is the superhero of all the brandts.
Lies!
I like the looks of that house. It looks cozy. Just imagine if instead all the decorations were that really glittery opulent sort. I think that would kill you. It probably wouldn't kill otherbrandt though. I've got an image of him wondering back from that bar he found in the fog, and still drunk he probably would see halos around all those individual glitters, and he might think they were all tiny angels, and who knows what would happen.
I'm glad you have a warm bed and a belly full of homemade food.
That would be painful, I'd probably have to do a Glitter vs. monomad post devoted to just that.
It is indeed a cozy house. That's why I killed the owners and stole it.
!PIZZA
I still have not fully decided if you have a dark sense of humor, or are slightly dangerous. I think you would have it no other way:)
I'm actually not sure either.
You remind me a lot of one of my many brother-in-laws - you would fit right in with them. Periodically it dawns on me that you are actually a total stranger, and it is an odd feeling.
Your brother-in-laws sound like good people :)
What? This is the internet, everyone's friends here!
I just read "everyone's freaks here!"
And yes, most of the in-laws are good people. A little freaky. I'm sure they are on the internet somewhere.
Dear @brandt,
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We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I was thinking 'this motherfucker a real life Grinch' until the twist at the ending, then I was now like 'Yo, this motherfucker is actually a real life Grinch',cos in the story the Grinch showed his soft part too🌚🌚
We Grinches do have a soft side :)
!PIZZA
Love the juxtaposition of the style of peachy perfect 1950's homemaker Christmas photos against the writing.
Thanks! I like to mix things up so people don't know what to expect when they visit my blog :) But I think I might have mixed things up too many times now, because now people expect the unexpected from me which is the opposite of what I want them to expect. I'm so confused.
!PIZZA
You stole that tree didn't you? How can you run out of booze on Christmas? Didn't you hide some in the trunk? Ok enough questions for now.
Herpes new year!
I stole the entire house so I suppose that qualifies the tree as stolen too.
I don't remember how I ran out of booze so I'll just blame @otherbrandt and move on with my life.
Happy New Year !BEER!
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