Here are all 10 of my New Year resolutions whether you like them or not
1. I hereby resolve to quit drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle like some kind of broken homeless outcast of society. From now on I will pour it into a tumbler first like a civilized alcoholic.
2. I hereby resolve to start exercising more than zero days per year, on the condition that said exercise occurs on days where I feel like exercising.
3. I hereby resolve to stop using Facebook between the hours of 5am and 6am on mornings where I have to drive 45 minutes to get to work and clock in by 6am.
4. I hereby resolve to be nicer to people who I already like and who already give me a lot of attention and have a lot to offer me emotionally.
5. I hereby resolve to read at least one book per month as long as erotica counts as books and listening to audiobooks counts as reading.
6. I hereby resolve to get more involved in the community effort to spread hatred and lies about newcomers because they look different and work harder than the rest of us natives.
7. I hereby resolve to give more to charity because I just discovered a way to set up a fake charity in my name and donate to myself and then deduct all those donations on my tax return.
8. I hereby resolve to reconnect with old friends who I heard have made a fortune since the last time we had any sort of meaningful contact a couple decades ago.
9. I hereby resolve to learn how to speak Spanish by dating a Latina and then dumping her once I'm done learning Spanish from her because I heard it's good to have Spanish on your resume these days.
10. I hereby resolve to learn how to code in Solidity so I can look for ways to exploit Ethereum smart contracts and steal money from people on the internet.
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Wouldn't it be cheaper to skip dating a Latina and go straight to paying for Spanish lessons? Also, it'd cut the drama factor by whopping percentage. If you really want to learn Spanish, let me know, I can hook you up with a Latina teacher, no dating required.
Love what you've done with the photos here. Your list of ten resolutions has put me entirely to shame. I have only one resolution, to survive this year fully intact without mutating or being boxed like livestock.
What kind of questions are you asking the dark heart of @otherbrandt?
I've never actually dated a Latina so I have no idea… but probably? And I don't really want to learn Spanish but let me know if that Latina teacher of yours is single.
That's classified.
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
No Latinas near you. If you lived where I do, you'd have your pick. I find all dating anything to be expensive, more than the simple monetary and priced myself right out of business.
That Latina teacher of mine, she's single, but you'll need to relocate to South America (we shouldn't discuss this in case @dandays hears, he'll just poo poo all over South America).
Well isn't that a slice and dice for Pizza toppings! I love resolution #11, thank you. Now I'm thinking, I wonder if he'll keep adding new resolutions all year long. If so, excellent approach.
And Central America. Bof'em. And Florida, too, all three of them. Cut a line at Central America and send'em floating.
😂 I'm surprised you didn't include Canada in there.
Never heard of it.
That would be why. Erased from your brain.
I don't know why but I'm remembering Joe Biden on TV around this time last year when he was running for President. He said "When I'm elected President, I'll make sure each of you have the same medical coverage as my family" or something real close.
It's not that he's completely fulla shit, that's a given, it's the people eating out of his hand that trip me out.
I'm not sure what he is and I'm so out of the game, I don't give any of these people my attention. Too bad others keep eating the poison.
I've never him myself. That's another thing, neither have they but they act like they have, I'm done.
You've never him yourself?
All the world's a stage, everyone's an actor, but there aren't enough real jokers.
Darnit. I would say I meant to say met, I've never met him but I like that option. I've never _________ him.
😂😂😂 It was really funny and I couldn't help myself.
12. I hereby resolve to send you a stein of !BEER
You need to stake more BEER (24 staked BEER allows you to call BEER one time per day)
Ohhhhhhh.... beeeeeer, thank you! I'm all out of real beer unless I make a trip into crazy land to purchase more. I've lost track of what's restricted under lock and key here now, so I'll have to brave it at some point. Probably best I leave that new flamethrower at home.
!BEER
!THANK YOU
View or trade
BEER.Hey @nineclaws, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @otherbrandt for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.I think you'll be able to pull this off within the next ten years or so.
I think you're right as rain on my parade.
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
I certainly do enjoy a good slice of pizza more than a bad slice of pizza.
I'm with you there, I always strive for good rather than bad unless striving for bad will enrich me and advance my career.
Well I guess this might make you learn spanish very fast, but be careful you might drain your brain for drama, and your pocket.
anyway that can lead you to do you excersise resolution, because it is easier to run from those drama than facing it. lol
I'm sure it will all be for the best :)
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
Didn't I say expensive, as well as other costs, i.e. drama
I can't remember what you said so I'll just venture a guess… maybe?
😂 that's a great guess. It was "dating", as in expensive $ and non $ ways.
Let me know how those work out for you.
My only resolution this year was to not keep any resolutions but I'm having trouble telling if I'm staying on track.
So far so good except for #1 because I just broke my tumbler…
I like it, I think I'll steal this for next year.
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
brandt tipped coloneljethro (x1)
@brandt(1/5) tipped @ladybuglass (x1)
otherbrandt tipped ginnyannette (x1)
brandt tipped nineclaws (x1)
brandt tipped nonameslefttouse (x1)
brandt tipped luhari (x1)
infinitytcg tipped brandt (x1)
brandt tipped dandays (x1)
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Those pretty swirly pictures remind me of the view through a tumbler of whiskey, so I trust you are already doing excellently with number one. I've got my doubts about number five, because it seems to me that it would be too expensive for the folks hiring an audiobook reading voice to find one of those wonderful ones that seems to have pheromones that speak to you through the speaker. Instead, one of those cheesy heavy voices, causing a perfectly good fantasy to be dead. Dead and buried.
Anyway.
I wonder what otherbrandt's resolutions are this year. I'm thinking he dislikes tumblers, but probably is fond of latina girlfriends. I hope you two can come to some sort of agreement on this list.
We are in negotiations but tensions are high and I expect that it will come to blows.
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
Take the high road and don't throw the first punch. You might need brandt in good health to help set up that charity soon.
Wise advice. We will think of you when our charity propels us to worldwide fame and fortune.
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LOLLL I love the fine print. That is hilarious great idea.
!LUV !PIZZA
@infinitytcg(1/3) gave you LUV.
Thanks for the LUV and PIZZA! Speaking of PIZZA,
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
Haha thanks for the Pizza and for the laugh. I hope you have a happy new years.
Oh I assure you I will have a happy new year regardless of whether or not the new year wants me to have a happy one. Gotta keep that new year on a short leash. May yours be happy too.
I don't do resolutions but I think that #3 will be good for your health
Plot twist, neither do I!
:)
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
Now that's a resolution I support!
This is hilarious! Happy New Year! Thank you for a great laugh.
I'm glad to hear I gave you a laugh that was great! Not all of them are ya know!
Thanks for swinging by :)
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
Great decision, knowledge is the power to achieve success..
Don't forget to read the fine print though, you might be signing up for something you didn't ask for ;)
#11. I hereby resolve to discontinue discord completely with people who suck off the biggest wallets.
Perhaps instead you should resolve to write a post about those traitorous leeches and call them out for their bullshit?
12. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
Excellent resolutions! I hope you can keep them. Especially number seven is really genius and I'm just wondering why didn't I think of that?
Don't tell anyone about number seven! It can be our little secret!
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
12. I promise not to tell anything to no-one. Oh wait, if that sentence has double negative, does it make it then positive? So it equals with the sentence: I promise to tell everyone everything. Oh gosh. I imagine you can't read this as I've whispered it. Quietly. Or smally.
You're lucky I can't read small quiet things.
Do not follow 1-10, ITS A TRAP.
I stuck with ignoring everything the angel said this year.
P.s. did you know the angel on your shoulder can be a serious dick?
That's why I never pay any attention to the angel. The devil is always more interesting anyways.
11. I hereby resolve to send you a slice of !PIZZA
I fucked the last pizza and got sent a slice of dirty bologna, does that count? Or is this a safe for work thing?
That sounds pretty safe for work to me. Let's say it counts.
Awesome The Bologna was fine after I rinsed it off and got the hair off so I think its definitely a go.
Just to be clear we're still talking about the potluck after church on Sunday right?
That's the one, figured we can spike the communion wine at the service and throw a few miniature bologna sandwiches on the table while we eat the good stuff.
It's settled then. I will bring a goat to sacrifice. See you on the Lord's day.
Goodman I got the Rohypnol sorted, see you soon👍
ROTFL! I think #7 is a brilliant idea! ^__ ^
What HTML do you use to make those tinier letters?
Hey sorry, not sure how I missed this comment. I was probably really busy with something important like drinking whiskey out of a tumbler like a civilized alcoholic.
So for the small text, I just used the "sub" tag: this is small
You can use additional sub tags inside sub tags for even smaller text: this is smaller
And so on :)
Glad you enjoyed the show, have some !PIZZA
I hope you all achieve it. Resolution is a motivation and guide