Why So Judgemental?
There’s this one thing that most of us do that is so ingrained in us that we don’t even know it’s bad or wrong. We keep doing it, regardless of how it makes others feel and we feel we’re right just because of the opinions we have on the matter.
What is this I’m talking about? It’s the way we tend to judge others based on our personal life and experiences. We use what we’re going through, or what we’ve gone through as a yardstick to judge how others act. We use it to know if they are good people or not. And based on our very biased meter, they either pass our test. Or they fail it.
And I’m no different in this boat. For a while, after I really started living on my own and taking care of my bills, it was a major milestone for me. Living a life where I didn’t have to call on my parents for help because I was perfectly capable of helping myself. So, I realized that when I spoke to someone and they mentioned that they needed to call their Mom and Dad to ask for some sort of financial assistance, I was always put off.
I became really judgmental and wondered why they just couldn’t go out there and make some money for themselves! After all, I was doing it!! And it wasn’t just in cases like this. I got judgmental when people couldn’t afford basic things like airtime and transport fare to go somewhere they needed to be. I just couldn’t understand why people who were my peers couldn’t afford simple things in life. It was as if they were not ready to hustle and make it. They were just lazy and were relying on everyone else to survive. Although I never said these things to the people involved, I did think them though. And such thoughts affected my mindset, even if I was eventually going to give it to them.
Well, my eyes opened not long after.
I made some pretty huge investments some time ago and it took a huge chunk of my money. Within a week, I was broke. Financially independence in the mud! I tried to hold on, but with so many bills to pay, I couldn’t stay quiet. I forced myself to speak out. I first of all asked some friends for help, but many of them couldn’t believe I was broke. They thought it was just a prank, or I was just trying to make them give me money. Only my closest friends who knew what I was going through helped me out.
Even at that, it still wasn’t enough. This forced me to reach out to my Mom for assistance. So, like this and like that… I was able to tide myself until the tough days eventually ebbed away. It was not easy, one of my toughest times, I must say. But I learned my lesson.
I realized that those friends treated me the same way I treated them in my mind. I judged them based on my experiences and achievements. Just because I was able to pay most of my bills, it didn’t mean that those who couldn’t do it were lazy or stupid. The fact that I had some great things going for me and I worked hard for it did not mean that every other person is not trying their best and busting their ass to make ends meet.
You see, we stay in our comfort zones and judge others in their comfort zones. We’re outsiders and judging people without knowing their story is bad. If someone needs financial help, it’s not because they don’t have a job. And if they really don’t have a job, don’t assume that they’re just not trying hard enough because you have one. Getting a job is not easy, especially in a country like ours. So, the fact that you have one shouldn’t make you forget just how hard it can be.
So, my dear friends, what am I trying to say here?
We all are different. Our experiences are as different as our faces. We shouldn’t use ours to judge others, it’s just not fair. Of course, there are people out there who would rather sit on their haunches and ask for handouts than work. But that’s not everyone, and if you keep thinking that everyone who’s not working is like that, you’ll find yourself hating on good people for no reason.
If you can help out, then do so. If you can’t, then don’t. Just don’t withhold help because you believe that someone is lazy, just because they don’t have a job and you do. That’ll be cruel.
When I learned all this, it reshaped my mentality and since then, improved the way I deal with others. I don’t judge. If I have, I’ll do what I can and if I don’t have, then I won’t do anything. I won’t blame you for your predicament, and I sure as hell won’t insult you for it. Because whether we care to admit it or not, it’s things like these that make people go to any length at all to make money.
We live in a sick world, yes. But it doesn’t mean we have to be sick as well.
Dear @bruno-kema, it has been a pleasure to read your reflections in detail. I congratulate you for touching on these topics that I am particularly passionate about. It must be because just as we carry within us our child self, I also believe that many of us are accompanied internally by our psychologist self.
Until recently I was also a little overwhelmed when I realized that I had this tendency to judge. It wasn't until I had the opportunity to read some proven studies that show that all human beings, without exception, have this innate tendency. From sunrise to sunset, we play everything in our path. The good news is that this human tendency can be regulated and controlled if we educate it and form better habits around it.
Let's hope we all manage to reach our best version of ourselves and continue this fabulous journey of life correcting, enjoying and learning every day from our mistakes.
Thanks mate for sharing such interesting topics!
Wow... I'm glad the post touched you.
We can't help having these natural instincts, but then we can control them because that is what makes us stand and be mature. When we realize that no two people can ever be the same, then we're on the right track to getting it right in life.
And as you said, such things can be controlled, if not totally eliminated. We just have to be willing to be honest to ourselves. That's what's most important.
Thank you for reading.
Although we might be seeing the world from the same angle, it doesn't mean we are standing at the same height. It is easier to judge people for their incompetence when we are doing better than them but if we get into their shoes, we will realise that they are also in that situation for a reason.
I have felt this way about people before and when it got to my turn, they didn't believe that I was broke end even till this minute, I have friends who don't believe me whenever I seek for help.
Nothing more frustrating than needing help and not getting it because people don't believe you actually need it. Then, you'll have to explain how much you're suffering but every word from your mouth will sound like you're making it up, even infuriating you further.
I guess unless you "look" like you're actually suffering, people won't believe you are. A lot of us still judge by what we see.
Hmm!! Food for thought, honestly, I am 100% guilty in this. Judging people based on my experience. Of a truth, not everyone is as strong as we are, and you don't expect a person to be as tough as you are simply because he is going through the same thing you passed through. People go broke for many reasons, people don't work for reasons too. Your situation and that of another person can never be thesame .Though there are people who are just lazy and don't want to do anything. I love your conclusion, when someone ask for help if we can help, we should, if we can't then we should hold our peace and walk away. We don't have the right to tag anyone lazy.
Sometimes, our own problems blind us. We think we've suffered the most, so we believe that if we could survive such ordeal, then everyone else had a walk in the park. But in reality, everyone else had their own problems that felt like it was the end of the world for them. They also believed that everyone else had a walk in the park.
This is why such judgements are dangerous, because you can never really know for sure what a person has gone through. Even if they do tell you, you can't know if they told you everything.
We have to be careful.
We can't fully understand what others are going through. Our experiences differ, instead of being judgemental we should rather look for a way to help if we can
I used to be one of the first people to judge others but not anymore. Life is harder than that. There are times when people are left with no other choice than doing what they have felt that thwy were never going to do
In this life, just do you!
Exactly, you do you. There's no need to be mean or judgmental of others. There's simply no point to it all. Fact!
Judging others is the common nature of human and little or more we all have the habit. I am say I don't have the habit but most of the time I am able to restrict myself thinking too much about it. I feel I am no one to judge others and I am not a judge. Besides I don't think too much about others which naturally help me.
This is good. No one likes anyone who judges people, because it shows that no one can be free when you're around. Such people will always end up as loners.
It's normal to be be judgemental until you get faced with the same situation then you know how it truly feels, reason there is a common saying that"you gave to wear my shies before you talk to me" I stopped being judgemental a long time ago because life itself is not easy, especially on a country like ours, everyone is just managing the best way they can and not every one has equal strength.
Indeed... it's easy to judge people when you have no idea what they've been through. We should simply keep our opinions to ourselves because judging will not do anything to make the matter any better.