Could it be love, lust, or infatuation?

I would not have known what it feels like to love someone and not be loved back if I was not opportune to be going through that ordeal right now.

I mean, why does our heart have to choose whom it wishes and not learn to let go when it is obvious the other party is no longer interested.

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You know most encouraging words we give to people at the point of their weakness are easier said than done when such things happen to us. Like when it comes to relationship advice, I know I am good at it, my friends always come to for advice on what to do, and fortunately, it works perfectly well for them but unfortunately, when it comes to me, I feel lost and do not even know how to apply my knowledge into work.

I remember helping a friend get out of a one-sided relationship she was in and today, she is doing perfectly well for herself but here I am sulking for the past two years over a guy whom I know I have no future with. I can not even move forward or return to my normal state where I was before my heart decided to play this trick on me.

Why does our heart have to choose whom it wishes to be with easily and doesn't know how to retreat when the person isn't responding?

I find it painful to see myself not being able to love someone else for the past two years even after the rejection, I mean, I don't even know why I am in this state.

Most times, I ask myself if it is actually love, infatuation, or perhaps lust but I still can give the right answer to why my heart still yearns for this one person even after two years of his refusal to go into a relationship with me and just remain friends because he is not ready.

I mean, being friends with him is harder than I thought it would be and weird because I see him beyond just being a friend.

Many times, when I think back to the memories we both shared, I always feel like screaming out my pains but being the type who likes keeping things to herself, I end crying indoors most times for days to think the tears will relieve me and help me move on to someone else is what is hurting more because my love and need for him only intensifies the more.

I just wish my heart would love someone who is just here showing me the love and care I need but it is not, it only yearns for just one person.

I lay on my bed awake while others are sleeping thinking about him and how much I miss him and want to tell him how my day went, the difficulties I passed through, and how I was able to overcome them. The fun, the not-so-fun event, and the bad experience I had in a day and my mind replays what would be his answers in all but it's all in my mind.

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For two years now, my love for this one person has made me turn down guys because I can't see myself loving anyone but him alone and I am becoming worried.

I have had to speak to people about what is happening to me and how I wish to get over him, so I can love again and be loved back but none of the therapy advice is working on me.

Maybe I need to leave the place entirely but then where do I go? My family are all based here and my mom won't want to let me out of her sight, I have had to pray to God to take away the feeling I have for him, I have had to indulge myself in work, I have gone out for a date, just to ease myself but nothing is happening and I am becoming tired of everything.

I would love your honest advice on this.