Oh, You think you can stare me down?

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"what do you mean by you don't want any male children"??, my dad walked in apparently listening in on the conversation I was having with my little sister. I didn't say a word and just looked at him, well I couldn't. How was i going to tell him that I was trying to avoid mass genocide and this time the victims being me and my innocent future wife.

I think male children are a pain in the neck and I know how painful pains in the neck are, feels like you're dead, you won't be able to move a muscle. I didn't want that for myself and being a male myself I know what my mother and my neighbor had to go through. The other day one of her male children just shat on himself in public and laughed uncontrollably, can you imagine that? No female child would do that ever!

"Don't you want to carry on the family name?", he protested again and this time I opened my mouth to talk but the only thing I could think of was "Dad I'm not sure I'll want to carry anything again, I'm still suffering from the carry over courses I've successfully carried on and there was no way I was ready to carry any more things". But I didn't say it, I just smiled and told him I was joking and he gave me that stare.

The stare was his eyes piercing directly into mine to sort of get my eyes to tell him the truth. I don't know if that works, I see it a lot in movies where the girl searches inside the guy's eyes until she's sure he's telling the truth. The eyes never lies, but then I still wonder why with a technique like that a lot of them still get served breakfast (it's breakup he's trying to say) or get cheated on.

The eyes are a window to the soul, but why don't we just use the goddamn door? It would save a lot of stress. My dad had always taught me to be tough, real tough. He told me I looked like a drawing and that with an appearance like that no one was going to take me seriously and he was right, then he taught me the starring technique. It's normal for anyone to use their eyes to intimidate you, keeping eye contact is one of the hardest things for most humans that's why contact lens was invented.

Apparently if I'm talking to you and you can't look me in the eye then it means you're weak or scared and anyone would take advantage of that. I was lucky enough to learn such knowledge from my dad and I immediately started to use the technique. In school I noticed that any time the teacher asks a question that no one volunteers to answer he ends up making me the scape goat and I end up taking strokes for giving the most logical answer.

The other day he made the spelling of "cytoplasm" on the board and asked who was going to do him the honor of pronuncing it correctly and giving a detailed description of how it works. The class went silent and no one dared to attempt such a task and just then his eyes fell on me. What the actual fuck, this man can be guilty of a hit and run case and still blame it on me. But instead of look away scared, I stared him down.

He noticed my stare and immediately understood what was going on. Apparently his dad had also given him the same advice because he didn't stop staring at me too. We went on like that, neither one ready to give up, we even started making funny snarling sounds to make us look more dangerous as the class just watched. We stared till one of my eyeballs got tired and I had to support it with one hand, ohh damn this man isn't going to intimidate me today.

I was even zoning out, my eyes was fixed on him but my mind was in my house eating the big box of pizza that uncle Jason usually gets us and I'm sure my teacher too must have been having a great time, because his face was now wearing a weird smile. Apparently no one gave up till the end of the period. My dad's theory worked, I didn't look weak and I didn't get to answer the question, and Mr Frank and I became close friends.

But then staring doesn't usually give the desired effect every time. There was this time in church where the pastor kept starring down on me as he was preaching about sin and all the worst things in this world. I got pretty annoyed and saw what he was trying to do and decided to stare at his daughter instead. I did that for the whole service and the poor little girl couldn't even hold my gaze for a second, and she kept looking at herself wondering if there was something wrong. She got pretty ruffled up and reported me to her father, after that I was taken to his inner chamber for a special kind of deliverance session, I could barely walk after he finished with me.

Another time I was walking down from my friend's street and then an awkward looking woman who revealed a lot of skin locked eyes with me. Without wasting time I stared back at her and she immediately got the jerk and shouted in my direction "fine boy come na, I go give you any style wey you want" (fine boy come over, you can put me in any position you want). I was stunned after she said that because people started to look at me and it became both embarrassing and embarrassing!

Well, after that ordeal I learnt my lesson and not everyone deserves to be stared at or stared upon or stared down.

Ps : My dad is still staring at me and I'm returning the favor, I wonder if he'll ever give up.

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