Fall down seven times, get up eight.

I sometimes think I could get this Japanese Proverb tattooed on my body. Day's like today I need a reminder that, even if I fall down, my job is to get up again.

My fall today, like most days when I'm having a hard time, was not a physical fall. Though I did find myself on my knees, that had more to do with how I was feeling emotionally than anything being wrong with my legs.

While I spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm grateful for and I have a tendency learned coping mechanism of "focusing on the positive" I'm beginning to learn that sometimes, when we want to cry the best thing to do is actually cry.

While nothing dramatic, shocking or horrendous has happened in my life in the last day, week, month (apart from continuing to live through a pandemic like the rest of you) I've had a chronic health condition that I'm actively trying to improve.

It seems it's getting worse before it gets better.

Thankfully, I know this can be part of the process. I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying so hard. I'm tired of knowing so much about health and wellbeing and still being sick. I'm tired of accidentally eating foods that trigger my sensitive gut that is trying so hard to heal despite everything I've done to it.

I'm really tired today. And thus, it doesn't take too much on tired days, to collapse in a heap and cry.

Thankfully, I'm really well resourced. Not only am I lucky enough to have a roof over my head, electricity to power all the devices I use endlessly, drinkable running water, and food in the fridge, freezer and cupboard, I also have privacy to bawl my eyes out when I feel like. (And, on good days, to dance around the house without anyone judging me ;) ).

But I also have another set of resources that I've accumulated over the last decade that I, literally, don't think I could live without. I have a mindfulness practice. I know how to give myself grace. I know how to love the parts of me that are hurting. I know how to use EFT tapping to support my nervous system when it's gone headlong into a stress response when they're no real, physical threat. And I know how to ask for help.

These things combined are what got me through today. And for all of them, and for this space where I can express myself, I am grateful.

Before I leave you with some photos, let me say this:

If you are having a hard moment, day, week, month or year so far I invite you to breathe. Now. Breathe with me.

Put one hand on your heart,
and one hand on your belly,
and let your belly expand with each breath in,
and let it out... really... slowly.

Do it again.

Breathe in, let your belly expand,
and let it out... even... more... slowly.
Great work :)

Keep going as long as you need to,
breathing slowly,
consciously,
deliberately.

In every moment we have the opportunity to feel better.

And the way to access that better feeling emotion is not usually through avoiding or distracting, it's through being with what is.

So if you've "fallen down" and you're struggling to "get up" again, why not just be with what you're feeling. Breathe with what you're feeling. And when you feel like you can get up again, do that, because we need your courageous self in the world doing what needs to be done.

Love x

Today, all photos by me.
I just finished a 1.41km walking that lasted about 0hh:21mm:10ss !
Check out some detailed info at my EXHAUST page
Join me in testing out EXHAUST!