1/5/23

Depression is like the glitter of sicknesses. As soon as I think I might be getting rid of it, turns out that it's still very much around.

It's really funny how depression is like a cry for help, until loke someone does something stupid. Like I don't really get that.

I know nobody can be happy everyday. Maybe I must really emphasize that for myself? Not sure.

I've been so down that like, I almost don't even feel like my existence is real sometimes. I have zero friends zero family that cares.

Maybe I can use those facts to literally just pursue what I want and screw anyone's opinion.

Literally nobody cares, so who cares what I do?

My siblings and family all think I had it easy and that's such a paradox.

Yeah, there was some fun stuff about my childhood but nothing about it was normal whatsoever. There was plenty of bad. Both my mom and sister both tried to kill themselves in front of me.

No father, mentally unstable mother. No actual love, basic affection. Isolated from my family completely. Could not fit in any type social circle.

I have spent so much time trying to have no excuses for anything. Complaining gets you nowhere I've been told.

But man, sometimes I do just want to blame other people for this shit. Everyone in my family seems so confused as to why I'm mentally screwed, when for about five years or so not one of them kept in touch with me. Saw me. Spoke to me.

This is probably why I can blog to nobody. Nobody was there, nobody listened to me for years.

I'm in a really shitty place mentally. I just want to prove everyone wrong.