Sadness - What Must I do? || Tristeza - ¿Qué debo hacer?
Roller coaster of emotions brought about lots of memories which I relieve in my mind every seconds that passes by. Whenever I think of the afterlife, I keep wondering which is better, living in this painful world or dying in order to gain peace and rest of mind.
I have heard lots of people wishing for the end of life, rather than the end of pain. Is there any difference between the end of life and the end of pain? Is pain beyond death? I feel the end of pain might not necessarily mean the end of life. This is because one's pain can come to an end without the person dying in reality.
But who can I tell all these except the paper I write on which is now roughly wet because the tears kept coming. I am yet to understand perfection. it is hard not to think of the past, at times deep down I want to throw myself away and do the impossible, yet with fear of judgment as if its not part of my daily life.
For how long will I long to be loved? Why does love seem so impossible for me? Am I doomed never to be loved? Why do I even love, years long gone, who will understand me, time lost who will care?
I've waited for understanding for a very long time now. I've waited for perfection even until my own identity was lost as doubt crept in. For now, I do not know who am I even. Where is my life heading to from here? My visions are now so blurred as I do not remember when I lost focus. In tears I drown without rescue.
I'm slowly bleeding to death and this is beyond my every imagination. I hear of afterlife but I am yet to see it. Can anyone tell me about it? How do I explain this insanity that started so early, one that I would never wish upon anyone? Must I keep taking everyone through memory lane to understand my insanity for my emotions are scarred everywhere? Must I keep taking everyone through memory lane to understand my insanity for I am now bleeding on those that have not cut me?
What must I do?
Part of me wants happiness, but where do I find this happiness? I sincerely don't know because whenever I try to, the world is always agianst me.
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