Finding Inner Peace: Just WHOSE Expectations Are We Trying to Live Up To?
Maybe it's just a fundamental part of being human that we (a) tend to compare ourselves to others and (b) wonder whether we are living up to expectations.
Personally, I grew up in an environment that involved a lot of judgment, so there was almost always something that needed to be lived up to.
Of course, not everyone experiences that sort of upbringing... but in most cases, we are taught to make a good impression, and that it's important to consider our reputation and what others might think of us.
Which can be a fine and good thing... until it crosses a line where we enter a state of something we might call "self-forgetting."
That is, our own essential desires and ideas gradually get lost, in the process of our trying to "live up to" the expectations of external factors, be that family, work groups, spouses/partners, even society as a whole.
"Am I making the grade?" we might ask ourselves.
WHO Are We Trying to Please?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with some self-awareness, nor with being mindful of what other people think. It's part of what makes us able to *"get along."
But who exactly are we trying to make/keep happy?
Whereas it might feel like there are lots of societal expectations to live up to... truth is that "society" doesn't actually care; or only "cares" to the extent that your compliance make you fit neatly into little "boxes," and prevents anything from becoming "complicated."
Are we pleasing parents? My parents certainly had plenty of expectations for me... but those had little to do with what I personally felt about life, and a lot to do with serving their egos.
But do you really want to have your life be an expression of someone else's bragging rights?
Now you might be thinking "Fine.. but who would DO such a thing?"
Remarkably many people, and they are often not even fully aware that they are locked into a pattern of "filling expectations." Not until one day — sometimes out of the blue — they have a moment of realization they they are actually not "driving" their own lives... someone else (or someTHING), is.
Once again, nothing wring with being mindful of those around us... as long as our own essential selves aren't getting lost in the process!
And that definitely does happen!
Boundaries: Where WE End, and Others Begin
Those of us who grow up with major "external" expectations placed upon us often have difficulties with setting healthy personal boundaries, later in life.
When your opinion was substantially secondary to parental or other expectations during your formative years, you may have learned that "there was not much point" in having preferences of your own, as they were likely swept under the rug.
We might not like to admit it, but it does happen!
Our task then becomes to figure out where we end, and where others begin. And we get to learn that someone's gentle suggestion (authentically for our own good) is quite different from being shoehorned into another's expectations.
This may all sound painfully obvious to many, but for those who have experienced living inside a life dominated by expectations, it can take a while to "learn" that it is actually acceptable — and an important part of finding contentment in life — to have expectations of ourselves that might substantially differ from the opinions of those around us, or even society, as a whole.
Of course, "choices have consequences" (as @cosmictriage is fond of saying), meaning that deliberately striving to be "contrarian" may also not be in our best interest!
In the end, it's all about finding a healthy balance... that works for you.
Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!
How about YOU? Were you surrounded by expectations, growing up... and beyond? Or did you have a lot of freedome to chart your own path? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20220628 00:42 PDT
0598/1844
Choices have consequences, but too many people use that as justification for punishing dissenters and those who they deem to have "disobeyed." There's a wide gulf between "If you attack someone, you may get hurt or killed when they defend themselves," and, "You didn't submit to my self-proclaimed authority, so now I get to hurt you." That's part of the boundaries issue too, after all.
For me... Life is pretty much all about meeting expectations. The problem is just about how many of those expectations can you ignore. So, to me, it's not only about managing other's expectations on what you'll be doing, but also managing what you're expecting from others. It only sounds healthy if everyone stays reasonable and happy!
Oh well, best case scenario is that no one has any expectations and whatever... But then it's hard to imagine a world like that, isn't it?