Memories of my Father: In What Ways Do We Become Like Our Parents?
August 6th is often a day of reflection for me, because it marks my father's birthday. Had he still been alive he would have been 105 today!
In case that sounds like an unlikely story - to anybody trying to do the math on it - he was 43 years old when I was born.
I never got to know him as an adult, because he passed away when I was just 18. Consequently, all I have of him are memories from my childhood and youth.
My mother would periodically shake her head and say things like "Oh, you remind me of your father when you do that!" It never sounded like it was a particularly positive thing, but then again... given the terms under which they split it would surprise me if it had been a positive thing.
I do know that one of the things I had in common with him was the fact that neither of us really wanted the life we were born into. That is, we didn't want the life that had been carefully laid out by a very old-fashioned family dictating how we were supposed to behave and what we were supposed to do as a profession.
Unlike him, however, I was never deeply under the hypnotic spell of the family. Or, at least, not for very long. He ended up doing "the right thing" and became CEO of the family business, even though all he really wanted to do for a living was restore antiques.
I was "supposed to" get a proper job such as being a doctor or an attorney or some kind of captain of industry none of which were things that appealed to me on any level whatsoever.
Unlike me, however, he harbored more delusions of grandeur than I ever did. He still wanted to have the fancy lifestyle and the world travel and the big house and the expensive car, but he just wanted it on his terms. Hence, he didn't entirely tell the family to kiss off.
I always pretty much turned my back on all those things... not really seeing the value in playing that particular game.
And looking backwards, I can't say I regret making that choice. Could I have been better off compared to the classic definition of what success looks like? Absolutely! But I lacked the drive and ambition as well as the interest, so I just didn't ever go there.
We did definitely share a fascination for finding old things that had been passed over and set aside, and uncovering their true value and beauty. He did it with antiques, and especially antique paintings; I have mostly done it with various forms of collectibles including coins and old potage stamps.
It was also from him that I got my love of beachcombing, and picking up interesting objects on the shore. Even when I was quite small, he always encouraged me to use my eyes and to really see what was there rather than just acknowledge something existed as a blob of color over in a corner somewhere. And that is definitely something that has stood me in good stead!
And so, today would have been his birthday which we would have celebrated at my Auntie's summer house. There would have been a fancy dinner, followed up by his favorite cake. Perhaps we would have gone to the local forest to look for wild mushrooms.
On August 6th every year, I take a few moments to remember those times from my youth and to take a moment to express my gratitude for the positive things that was passed along to me. Happy Birthday, Dad... wherever you might be!
Thanks for reading, and have a great week ahead!
How about you? Are there any passed family members you always remember on their birthday, or some other annual occasion? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation! I do my best to answer comments, even if it sometimes takes a few days!
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Created at 2023-08-07 01:13 PDT
0911/2166
Think of my parents most days even though 29 and 30 years respectively have passed. Birthdays especially time to remember, both made a great impression upon me throughout my years. Taught us to hold independent views, blended us into who we are today, without much family interruption.
Good to remember the traits we inherited.
My paternal grandma's birthday comes to mind. I marked it by getting married on the day, specifically. She only lived to 79, I was 23 when she died. She was special to me, very supportive.
And of course, my husband's birthday. He always marked it by going deep sea fishing.
I'm sure that everyone will surely get one or two things from their parents and you got some like love for somethings from your father
Nice pictures!
I, too, think of my deceased parents on their birthdays. My dad would have been 114 this year; he was 47 when I was born. As the youngest, I think I was able to spend more one-on-one time with my parents, after the older siblings were grown and gone. My dad was not very comfortable with people, preferring the company of his farm animals. So I usually had to go out to the barn if I wanted to spend time with him. He was a good man in many ways, but he had his faults, of course. One of the most useful things I learned from him was to properly orient a map while looking at it. That came in very handy when I traveled in Europe in the '70s. So many old towns have twisty, turn-y streets and odd intersections, but if I held the map correctly I could figure out where I was going.