Monday Musings: How Do We “Define” Ourselves?

A couple of decades ago I was part of an online psychology discussion group, and among the many interesting topics we would discuss one of the most frequently visited was that of ”identity.”

How do we define ourselves? What do we identify with?

Without getting either too theoretical or too woo-woo about it, how do we see ourselves?

The original discussion I remember — and let's keep in mind that about 20 years have passed — had to do with looking at how we perceive ourselves, versus how other people perceive us when looking at us from the outside.

Moreover, how close are these two descriptions? Is either of them accurate?

One of the things I clearly remember was that public opinion (within the group) made me sound far more worldly, intelligent and interesting than my self-perception. I always thought myself to be pretty ordinary and average.

Yet, it's interesting to note that for most of my life other people have thought I was far more interesting than I thought of myself. I've looked at that a number of times and I can only conclude that it had to do with being brought up in an environment where putting yourself on any kind of pedestal was considered to be in extremely bad taste!

You might even call it "ANTI-exceptionalism," to twist around a popular buzzword.

Self-definition is an interesting thing, because most of the time it's not something we consciously think about. We don't sit around and contemplate the question: I am a _________ person.”

And yet our life journeys often require us to define ourselves to others.

Just consider a situation like the job interview. Of course the job interview is often a situation that invites us to exaggerate our qualities… another thing I was never any good at, as a result of which I often had considerable issues with finding employment and getting promoted!

But that's neither here nor there.

Our sense of self, self-image and self-definition also gets challenged when we are part of the "dating and mating game." Like the job interview, we have to make a "sales pitch" for ourselves. But how well do we really know ourselves... and what are we willing to lay on the table?

Having worked quite a bit in the self-development field I have perhaps found myself in situations that pondered the question of self-definition more often than most people. I have said through my fair share of workshops that asked participants to contemplate and identify their ego, which — right or not — represents a core portion of self-perception.

And Mrs. Denmarkguy works as a counselor much of the time, a profession that frequently deals with and delves into what people think of themselves. Part of her work actually involves getting people to look directly at troublesome parts of themselves they are unable to look at directly.

Regardless, it's a very complex topic... and one I have long found to be very interesting, in part because I am simply a "People Watcher," of sorts.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!

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Created at 2023-01-31 00:04 PST
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