BACK HOME WITHIN THE LIGHT
Morning walks are always the best especially during winter. Well not in a blizzard but everything looking white and angelic is just the perfect theme for a day like this, a day like mine.
The bakery is just up ahead where I get my favorite donuts– with a lot of creamy glaze. Not healthy for breakfast, I know but what can I say, I love junk.
The bell rings as I push open the door and Mrs. Doris, the owner of this beautiful haven finds me with her sea blue eyes. She gives me a brilliant smile that highlights the wrinkle lines on her face but even at her age, you could very well tell she was a diva.
"Morning Doris. You look a little chirpy." I take the high stool at the counter table. She looks a little busy behind the counter but she quickly discards whatever she was doing.
"Morning my dear. You're the one who is cheerful today. How was it?"
Mrs. Doris is referring to a date I had last night. A date she set up because she's gotten tired of seeing me spend Christmas alone. I moved to this little town with the sole purpose of a new beginning. Loosing both my parents in a car crash was...awful. What I couldn't handle is staying in that house, with so many memories and the nightmares...
"Samantha? Dear?" Mrs. Doris calls
I zoned out again. "Yes. It wasn't that bad. A little awkward at the beginning but we got to talk more and would probably do it again."
She gives me a brittle smile and shakes her head.
"Anymore of those nightmares?" Her voice is soft and comforting. Just Doris knows what I really went through, what I still go through. I'm a little uncomfortable to admit that it's been two years and I still can't sleep without jerking up to disturbing scenes.
"You should really look up that therapist I told you about. He's good and it'll help you." She continues with her hand on my shoulder.
I know she's right but I don't think I'm ready to go through all that. I just can't. Not now and I don't know if soon...
"I'll try." After a few more exchange of words, I leave with a bag of donuts.
#####.
My little house or should I say cabin situated in the woods is one of the major sources of joy I have. It's just for me. Isolated and yet very much at home.
The words of Doris keeps me in a fixed state. Should I? Am I ready to bare myself to someone? A stranger?
My eyes fall on the card sitting on my bedside table. Without letting myself think much of it, I pick it up and set an appointment. Okay, I can do this!
––––
Mr. Reyes, a middle aged man with slightly bald hair and a round tummy, is my therapist. It's been two weeks of endless and painful recalling of unwanted memories but I can't stop. If anything, I feel a little lighter these days. A little better.
"How are you feeling?" He asks in his professional voice
"Good. I sleep a little better now." I answer
"Is that all?" His eyebrow arc over the rim of his glasses. I tilt my head in confusion.
"Samantha, it's okay to let me know you didn't sleep at all. The point of all this is getting it all out. So I'll ask again, How are you feeling?"
Silence. I'm silent because he's right. As much as I feel better, I also feel worse these past days. I feel like I'm missing something really important. So I tell him. I tell him how scared I still feel and how often I get the inclination that I've lost a lot. He listens patiently and doesn't speak until I'm done.
"Maybe you feel that way because you haven't come to terms with all that's happened to you. What you need is closure."
"Closure?"
"Yes Samantha. From all you've told me, you haven't really laid it in your subconscious that this is now your life. Find a way to do that."
########
It's 11:33pm December 24th and I'm standing right on the porch of my old house. I don't know why, but I felt this is what I should do even when my whole being resisted.
The door opens with a low creak and I take my time to get a good look at what was once my home. It's dark and I flip the switch but it doesn't respond. I do remember the housekeeper I pay to care for this place tell me I risked being cut off from power if I didn't pay the bills. I didn't care then because I just couldn't.
The torch from my phone serves its purpose and lights my way through the dark. Memories come flooding like heavens gate just opened. My chest tightens and my eyes heat up but I take a deep breath. Leaving my luggage by the arm of what was once my father's favorite couch, I sit on the fur rug. Dad used to wrestle with me here, we'd make a lot of noises and end up attracting my mom who'd lovingly rebuke us.
The tears come pouring, right there in the dark with just a phone torch, the dam of my heart breaks wide open and I let it flow. A box is on top of the television-stand right under the big screen and I recognize it as the one that holds a lot of my moments. With shaky fingers, I reach for it and unveil the lid. Pictures, Birthday cards, Season cards and trinkets given to me by both parents. I cry harder.
The grandfather clock on the wall sings just as the power comes on making my jaw drop at the sight before me. A Christmas tree, well decorated and the house too is embellished with Christmas lights. A small envelope sits noticeably on the top of the tree. I quickly leave my position on the ground to reach for it.
It read,
You still might not come back this year but if you do and you find this card, I'm glad. Merry Christmas Samantha.
Your housekeeper
A smile breaks before I can stop it. Yes. It's the best Christmas ever. I look around the house again. The glow in the room reminds me of when I would sit curled up with my parents on that rug opening presents.
I sit down again and take out an album in one of the drawers. Going through the big book of pictures, I am certain deep within me that I have found the closure I needed sitted within my lighted house, I am convinced that things have changed. I have changed.
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This is awesome,babe😍
I love the dialogues and the way you themed the story around Christmas and healing ❤️
Closures mustn't be from romantic endings,we sometimes need to heal from family trauma too. Great piece ❣️
Thank you for taking the time to read. ❤️❤️❤️
This is a really good story.
Thank you ❤️
You are a really good writer @deraaa, keep it up.
I try. Thanks for reading 😊
Really nice story.. Maybe try to justify ur text.. It really helps too..
Nice work..
Justify my text? Care to elaborate?
In the most spiritually charged moments, the processes that bring the best message can occur. A call to reality in the right place. Samantha will move forward.
Well written, @deraaa
Thank you for reading. I do feel that connecting inwardly transcends all form of communication in reality. It is only when we are at peace with ourselves that we can reach out to others. Samantha is on her journey of peace and she'll find it.
Thank you for posting in our community, @deraaa.
We look forward to seeing you communicating with fellow writers by leaving meaningful comments on your writing.
Thank you. I will do just that
Yay! 🤗
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Thank you @b0s i really appreciate it ❤️
No problem
This is such a beautiful and painful and hopeful story, @deraaa. You have some lovely writing skills, and it was a joy to read this, even though it was heartbreaking to read what the narrator was going through. One can never fully recover from a loss of that kind, but with the help of her therapist she can face her loss and find closure. Only then can she really launch a new beginning. Nicely done.
Thank you so much for reading... Closure is something a lot of people haven't found after a really traumatic experience. It's my prayer that this festive season comes with lots of joy and that people can find themselves again.
I appreciate that you read it. Thank you so much 😊❤️
Congratulations, @deraaa. This story has been featured in our weekly highlights magazine! https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/the-ink-well-highlights-magazine-31
OMG!!!!! Thank you so much!!! 🙇
Well told story, @deraaa. Going home is a realistic way to have closure for people with traumatic experiences. Samantha is a nice character. I believed that she was going through a lot and was a strong woman inside. Finally, I !LUV glazed donuts so thumbs up for this story. 👍
Thanks so much for the support. I appreciate it. ❤️
Welcome. I like reading good stories. :)