WE84: I AIN'T THERE YET BUT I'M HEALING!
Good Day my beautiful people of Hive. It's a beautiful Saturday huh? I want to give a shout out to @galenkp for the beautiful topics he selected for the Weekend prompt. Looking at all of them, I knew I'd end up answering more than one. Now, I'll try to keep my excitement to the minimum or y'all might not read till end. Hehehehe!
Question 1: Tell us about a piece of music or song that moves you and makes you feel deeply. Share the link to the music if you like.
Now, it's a hip hop song and some can't really follow wordings so I share a link to the lyrics.
This song... Hehehe. This song when I first heard it 2020, I knew I'd fall in love with the artist. He is one of the few who's piece seem to capture my thoughts. It's like he looks into my mind and says, "yeah, I'mma borrow those lines."
Thoughts are pacing, they go round and round and round. It's so draining...
I've always been an overthinker. I think to the point that I breakdown and cry. It was always bad because it causes me to act up and do impulsive things which end up hurting people around me. I've always had this fear of rejection and that overthinking trait just made things worse...
Leave Me Alone by NF is like trying to ease my stress. Just recently, I was consumed with feelings of inadequacy, total failure and guilt. I mean what am I feeling guilty for? My thoughts left me paralyzed and I damn near had another panic attack. I was locked in doors all day and the only person I really told what was going on was @khaleesii and she gave her own piece of advice.
Here are the symptoms, couldn't miss em wrestle with them then i penny flip em, bounce em back up nowhere you should get some, who you dissin', move the switch and don't come in the kitchen, you should listen cookin' records for my hands are blistering
That up there, is me arguing with myself. It's like I'm two different people. I wake up feeling on top the world sometimes and end up like shit before the day's over (Cyclothymic bullshit). When those voices and thoughts start taking over, I plug in this song and rap along with it. My mom and everyone who knows me really well understands this. I get really creative when I'm at my lowest. My way of dealing with stress.
My cousin says, "you wanna know my cousin, listen to NF."
Question 2: Tell us about the most recent music or track you have began listening to and tell us why you like it. What about it means to you and why?
I've been feeling, inside out of my feelings, upside down on the ceiling. I'm finally, breathing, the smoke ain't gone but it's clearing, I ain't there yet but I'm healing.
When people call me insensitive, I just laugh inside and shake my head. Have you ever been so broken that you don't feel a tiny thing? Like you don't feel anything, not pain or joy or anything. You're just numb, an alien of society. That was me. I walked the streets with no light or fear of anything. Infact, I never looked while crossing the roads and was ready to accept the consequences. Sometimes I wished for the consequences. That was how I was labeled a zombie. Someone told me I walked like someone about to die. I felt joy for the first time in my life by some miracle(it was a personal experience when I accepted Jesus). This song just resonates with me.
Breaking down don't mean I'm broken, loosing hope don't mean I'm hopeless... All I need is time.
It's been on repeat because It's like me totally. Most people define traumatic experiences as fire or rain but in all honesty, trauma is way less than that and it does greater damage.
I can't erase all the things that I've done, but all the mistakes made me who I've become.
I don't even know this artist, stumbled upon her while streaming songs. I just paused and yeah, shed a little tear cause it reminded me where I'm coming from. Who I was and who I am now... There's a huge gap.
I am not insensitive or closed off. I'm just being blunt and guarded. If I keep the truth aside to satisfy your fantasies, then I don't deserve to be called a friend. If I forget the hurt to be hurt again, then I'm definitely a fool.
I forgive but I won't let you have that power over me anymore. I don't even have to try, my walls just go up automatically. That's how I heal.
This song to me was portraying a woman who has decided to let go of the past to build a better future. Just like I've been trying to do. I have been working on forgiving myself because that seems to be my backage. I forgive people easily but I can't seem to do the same for me.