Love Languages - An Essential Tool For Building Quality Relationships.

I remember a time I was struggling with love, I wasn't just feeling loved at all. I had people around me, I wasn't alone, things were going well but I just wasn't feeling loved.
One time, I had misunderstandings with my female friends because they made contributions and surprised other two of our friends on their birthdays with a cake but on my birthday I got nothing. I felt so jealous! I had told them how much I craved a birthday cake as I've never had one before but they didn't grant my wish...
Yes, they called, visited, helped me with chores but none of these got to me. Why? because they weren't communicating love to me in the right language. I just wanted a gift!

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What Are Love Languages

These are simply ways we communicate love to people, be it friends, family, lover or spouse.

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Basically, there are 5 love languages according to Gary Chapman who's the author of the book - The 5 Love Languages. These love languages include:

• Words of affirmation
• Physical touch
• Act of service
• Quality time
• Gifts

Let me give you practical examples of the love languages.
Words of affirmation - Babe, you're doing a great job, I'm impressed.

Physical touch - How about I gently rub your back while you're working on that.

Acts of service - Let me assist you with your work.

Quality time - I'll keep you company while you're working on that.

Gifts - I got you a writing pad so you could use it to work.

Did you see that?😊

Love languages play a vital role in enhancing our relationships. If we communicate love to people in the language they love and understand, we realize that the relationship will be easy going. We all do not have the same primary love language as we're different and unique in our own ways. For this reason, it is important to figure out the primary love language of our loved ones.

Using myself for instance, if I'm crying, I prefer words of consolation and motivation to someone rubbing my hands and hugging me and getting all touchy. Does that ring a bell? Yes, it should. This clearly shows that words of affirmation means more to me than physical touch. Does it mean than physical touch is unnecessary? Certainly not but it shows which is priority to me. This might not be the same for you that's why I said we have to figure out what works for every other person.

On another note, you as a guy might be killing yourself sweeping the house, packing up your girl's dresses, yunno just getting the work done for her before she arrives home. Then she gets home and doesn't seem impressed at all. Frustrating right? I understand but you cannot blame her. Acts of service isn't something she likes. If she's the independent type as me, well you have wasted your precious time.

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How Can You Figure Out Your Partner's Primary Love Language?

Well, this isn't going to be very easy. Some people are very unpredictable. It requires patience and observation.

First, you need to listen carefully to the things you hear your partner desire. It could be always talking about a massage when he/she is back from work (physical touch) OR a lovely pair of shoes he saw while in a cab and can't seem to stop talking about it (gifts) OR some random fuss about wishing all the task he/she has to get done could miraculously get itself done instantly (acts of service) OR that sad sorrowful look he/she tries so hard to conceal when you say bye to each other because you're going out for hours or travelling (quality time) OR the constant act of seeking your opinion on his/her looks, completed works, issues (words of affirmation). Did you see that? This little things gives you clues about what you can do to make your partner feel very loved.

Also you need to observe their reaction when you tried any of the love languages. Using myself as an example, if you gift me sth and I'm happy about it it'll be so obvious. I'm very expressive so expect me to smile shyly, jump up, tell people about it, flaunt it, thank you uncountable times. These attitudes gives you clues that I actually really loved whatever you did for me. So if you get a sad reaction then perhaps you tried the wrong love language.

It's equally very okay to ask your partner outrightly "what can I do to make you feel how much I love you".... Did you see that? Don't go and ask him/her of their love language directly... It will spoil the fun. You have to figure it out.
You could even ask your partner to make a list of things he/she would like you to do for him/ her. You two could make it look like a game then you exchange the sheets later and you get intentional about fulfilling each other's desires.

It is important to note that because probably a person's primary love language is physical touch you are only to act on it and ignore the other 4 languages - no! that's not correct.
A primary love language is the one your partner responds better to, one that makes them feel extremely happy.
That I love gifts doesn't mean that If I'm heavily pregnant with twins you'll leave me at home all day and come back late at night with a box of chocolates for me. No way! You have to help me out in the house. A few house chores to show you understand my situation and you care is as thoughtful as giving me a foot massage before going to bed. That way the box of chocolate makes even more sense to me.

So how about you get intentional in your relationships today. Love your friends a little more in the language they understand.
If you're confused about your primary love language, you can take the Love Language Online test. Simply search for 5 love language test on your browser and follow the steps you'll be shown there.

I totally appreciate you all for stopping by to read, please leave comments, corrections and constructive criticisms. Thank you.

Your's Truly,
Didiee♥️