A Habit I picked Up Growing Up

One bad habit I picked up while growing up is to adapt so quickly. This doesn't look like a bad habit until I realized how I cared less about anyone, I could live a year all by myself and not care if people exist. I guess I learned this while I was growing up, I had some rough experience in my childhood and it seems as if I was living all by myself, abandoned by people who I loved and should be there for me. A few months after I was born, my parents had a divorce, and immediately when I was weaned, my mum left me with my grandma.

I suffered an illness that almost took my life when I was a child. It was my grandma who stood by me traveling from one state to another seeking a cure. I didn't even know who my parents were while I was growing up, I had assumed my grandma was the only parent I have until years later. Maybe it was the bitterness that I was abandoned, or the fact that no one cared that taught me to live all by myself in any condition. It feels like a trait to admire but mine became worse, I try to live with the idea of being self-made even when I know I can't go far in life if I choose to live a life in a world where I'm everything that's there.

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My mum started showing concern after my secondary school, and I realized how well she wished for me but then reciprocating became difficult. One thing I never had was the feeling that I missed anyone. I can forget that anyone exists at one point but I had to caution myself while I was in a tertiary institution to show some love. I never would have grown out of this habit of dwelling in myself if I never felt in love, it seemed to be the portal that opened my heart up to give room to miss people. Sometimes I still struggle with this trait but it no longer has dominion over me.