Weekend-Engagement - Week 168 || The Hurt Was Necessary
Who have you hurt, why, and how have you felt since? Would you redress it and why?
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Most times hurting people aren't my intention because I know how I feel when people hurt me especially those people who are very close friends to me but on second thought, I get to know most times that they did not intentionally hurt me.
So for me, I hate to hurt people, It always hurts me more if I realize that I have hurt someone, perhaps unintentionally but there are cases that I intentionally hurt the person, so the person could either learn or move away from me but these are rare occasions because I am conscious of not hurting people but it doesn't mean I haven't hurt someone.
At first, after the whole scenario, I felt bad and regretted my actions but after years of being away from the person and beating myself about what I would have done right, and after finally seeing the person, I realized hurting the person was the best decision I made for myself. Although I did it in a wrong way because I wanted to save myself I had to hurt him in the process.
So, I had a friend with whom we were both close we were just friends, and for years we remained friends, although we both knew we had feelings for each other and yeah since I was single and he was, there was nothing that was stopping us from moving forward to the next level because we've been friends for years.
And when he started making advances, I accepted his advances but nothing was said to smoothen whatever we were doing, I accepted his good deeds, his caring attitude, and his gifts because I liked him too but I had a BUT in my liking him.
I was afraid, I knew he wasn't a guy who wanted to settle down in a relationship, he had a few unfaithful traits in him, so what if I ended up investing in this relationship emotionally and he decided to cheat, my thoughts?
As if that wasn't enough, I constantly had dreams of him cheating and all of that shit but I kept my cool and continued leading him on because I wanted him too, even though the nagging in my heart always told me it was a wrong move with him.
One day, he set up an evening date with me, of course, I knew what his intentions were, I knew he was going to ask us to finally set our relationship straight, I could have told him that I didn't want to do a relationship with him, I could have told him my fears, so he didn't have to waste his time and resources preparing for the date for weeks.
The day came, I dressed up and went to meet him and after the fun time and ordering for ourselves, he decided to get down to business, when he was done talking, I bluntly told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship with him.
I sat down there and watched him say everything, but I still adamantly told him that I wasn't interested, he said he was willing to be the good boyfriend I so wished for if I gave him a chance, but my heart kept nagging that it was better we remain, friends than end up losing our friendship all because we wanted a relationship.
I watched him shed tears while I did nothing, he knew I loved him, and I knew I loved him but my heart felt something wasn't right.
For years, I could not forgive myself for the way I handled the whole situation, so I had wanted to address the situation, and every day I called him to plead with him to at least listen to me but he wouldn't.
Well, thankfully, years after we met, we were able to start on a good platform but after our going back to constant interaction, I realized that although I had hurt him I am glad I did it because I ended up saving myself from hurt and hate.
This is my entry to the Weekend Engagement Prompt by @galenkp, here is the link to the post.
Pain is inevitable and I think you did the best for yourself, of course, maybe you lacked a bit of assertiveness, but embarking on a relationship with such a risk of suffering was not a good plan.
Yeah, you are right, In a bid to save myself, I did wrong.