He hecho tantas cosas en mi pasado, que de solo recordarlo, me he dado cuenta cuanto he avanzado y cuanto he perdido en el camino; de lo perdido he reconocido mis errores, algo que no es nada fácil. El universo, siempre sabe cómo darme una lección, a veces solo me rio, porque, ya sabía lo que podía venir. Hasta ahora, acepto cada una de las cosas que han ocurrido, tanto buenas como malas, es que… cuando eres un asesino serial, no sabes cuándo será tu última vez en esta vida.

Es raro que uno de los recuerdos que mejor guardo, es el del globo azul, posiblemente para muchos un globo no signifique nada, pero para mí significa el inicio de toda la relación con ella. Que si algún día, alguien más la logra conocerla tanto como yo, sabrá, que hay gran mundo lleno de colores que la rodea… La muerte no solo trae desgracias, detrás de ella hay amor y libertad, que nadie quiere, por miedo a lo desconocido.

Insisten mis recuerdos con tantos momentos que compartimos cuando fuimos amigos, que ahora me da vergüenza y se me hace complicado siquiera mirarla a los ojos, esos que… emanaban amor y vida, es más, tanto solo con su presencia, sabía que nada nos iba a detener, éramos esos amigos cómplices que siempre inventábamos algo. Lo recuerdo tan bien, que no hay día en que quisiera que todo eso volviera a ser como lo fue. Contarte todo lo que me ha pasado, como antes.

Desearía el no pensarte, pero eso sería una injuria a la amistad que tuvimos. Aunque trate de no pensar en ella, justo apareces en la distancia, dejando ver la inocencia que aún conservas. No sabes cuánto hubiera dado por el poder ir todas esas veces hasta donde estabas y hablarte como antes, aunque desde aquella vez, siento miedo que vayas a rechazarme, desapareciendo delante de mis ojos, así como yo lo hice… Aunque dicen que nadie escapa de los ojos de muerte, yo lo hice y nunca más pudiste encontrarme, aun estando en el mismo lugar de siempre…

Insistentemente otro de los recuerdos llega ahora a mi mente, fue aquel cumpleaños, en la casa de los señores que me miraban de forma extraña, esa noche para mí fue única. Recuerdo que aunque estabas frente de todos, yo era el único que podía verte; estábamos rodeados de grandes personas, que aún aprecio mucho. Aunque después de mi corrupción, creo que ninguno de ellos quisiera verme o hablarme y no los juzgo… mi sed de sangre, era mayor a la que cualquiera de ellos pudiera entender…

Tenía la creencia que estar sin una amistad como la tuya, no me iba a afectar en el tiempo, duele decirlo, pero… es mejor tenerte como mi amiga incondicional, a ser un completo extraño para ti, que solo debe conformarse con verte en la distancia, sintiendo esa gran energía que emanas. Perdón, por no darme cuenta de lo que intentabas decirme, fui un egoísta, las ansias que tenía, solo era una ilusión de mi mente de querer más, cuando era intocable junto a ti, qué estupidez de mi parte.

Quiero que el que lea esta carta, pudiera decirle a ella que no aprendí de mis errores… aunque sé que mucho antes dirían que estoy loco o soy un demente, nadie trata a la muerte como una gran amiga… nadie va a entender que ser tu amigo, es algo único, sabías que tenías que cuidarme, porque siempre mi vida pendía de un hilo, tanto, que me regañabas en todo momento… diciéndome, que no me querías a tu lado aún… Amaba que me cuidaras, que siempre estuvieras pendiente de mí y supieras lo que hacía sin yo ni habértelo dicho, eras una gran amiga, qué extraño.

Mucho tiempo ha pasado y que aunque no hemos hablado, sabes todo de mí, que me puede, que se murió un familiar, que como siempre, estoy persiguiendo mi sueño… yo nunca quise ser un asesino serial; en ese momento estaba pasando por muchos cambios internos, que me cegué… Aunque para mí fuiste siempre tangible, lo peor fue dejarte de escuchar.

No puedo pedirle peras al olmo, quizás ni llegues a leer esta carta, o ya lo hiciste mientras la escribía, no he sentido tu energía desque aquella última vez. Si quisieras darme una señal… sabes que mi vida está en peligro cada día… espero esta no sean mis últimas palabras para ti… en el mundo de los vivos.

I have done so many things in my past, that just by remembering it, I have realized how much I have advanced and how much I have lost along the way; from what I have lost I have recognized my mistakes, something that is not easy at all. The universe always knows how to teach me a lesson, sometimes I just laugh, because I already knew what could come. So far, I accept every single thing that has happened, both good and bad, it's just that... when you are a serial killer, you don't know when will be your last time in this life.

It's weird that one of the memories I keep best, is the one of the blue balloon, possibly for many a balloon means nothing, but for me it means the beginning of the whole relationship with her. That if someday someone else gets to know her as well as I do, they will know that there is a great world full of colors that surrounds her... Death does not only bring misfortunes, behind it there is love and freedom that no one wants, for fear of the unknown.

My memories insist with so many moments that we shared when we were friends, that now I am ashamed and it is difficult for me to even look into her eyes, those that... emanated love and life, in fact, just with her presence, I knew that nothing would stop us, we were those complicit friends who always invented something. I remember it so well, that there is not a day that goes by that I would like it all to go back to the way it was. To tell you everything that happened to me, like before.

I wish I didn't think about you, but that would be an insult to the friendship we had. Even if I try not to think about it, you just appear in the distance, showing the innocence you still have. You don't know how much I would have given for being able to go all those times to where you were and talk to you as before, although since that time, I am afraid that you are going to reject me, disappearing in front of my eyes, just as I did... Although they say that nobody escapes from the eyes of death, I did it and you could never find me again, even being in the same place as always...

Insistently another memory comes to my mind now, it was that birthday, in the house of the gentlemen who looked at me strangely, that night for me was unique. I remember that although you were in front of everyone, I was the only one who could see you; we were surrounded by great people, whom I still appreciate very much. Although after my corruption, I don't think any of them would want to see me or talk to me and I don't judge them... my thirst for blood was greater than any of them could understand....

I had the belief that being without a friendship like yours, was not going to affect me in time, it hurts to say it, but... it is better to have you as my unconditional friend, than to be a complete stranger to you, who only has to be satisfied with seeing you in the distance, feeling that great energy you emanate. Sorry, for not realizing what you were trying to tell me, I was selfish, the longing I had, was only an illusion of my mind to want more, when I was untouchable with you, how stupid of me.

I want whoever reads this letter to be able to tell her that I did not learn from my mistakes... although I know that much sooner they would say that I am crazy or insane, nobody treats death as a great friend.... no one will understand that being your friend, is something unique, you knew you had to take care of me, because my life was always hanging by a thread, so much so, that you scolded me at all times... telling me, that you didn't want me by your side yet... I loved that you took care of me, that you were always looking out for me and knew what I was doing without me even telling you, you were a great friend, how strange.

A lot of time has passed and even though we haven't talked, you know everything about me, that you can, that a relative died, that as always, I'm chasing my dream... I never wanted to be a serial killer; at that time I was going through so many internal changes, that I blinded myself... Although for me you were always tangible, the worst thing was to stop listening to you.

I can't ask for pears from the elm tree, maybe you won't even get to read this letter, or you already did while I was writing it, I haven't felt your energy since that last time. If you wanted to give me a sign... you know that my life is in danger every day... I hope this is not my last words to you... in the world of the living.