Choked

I had an interview earlier today for a bigger role in the finance industry. I usually don't rehearse or prepare for my interviews but for some reason I took this one as extra special and reharsed a few questions. I felt confident going into the interview. Five minutes in and all my confidence was dashed. I found myself unusually nervous and lost my composure. I stumbled at the first question which was a very easy question about myself and it set the tone for what turned out to be a very brief interview. At the end of it I was gobsmacked, and highly disappointed. A few silent tears went down but nothing too extra.

You don't get a second chance to make a good first impression. That's the lesson there. Am fortunate to be in a position where I can pick and choose because of my current job but it hurt regardless. What's even more painful is that nine out of ten times I ace that interview, but now the panelists will never know that because the opportunity only comes once. It also made me reflect on quite a lot of things. First was the self doubt about my own growth and development over the years to have fumbled on something I should be aceing easily at this stage. Second was the sustainability of having a career in that corporate space.

It made me long for independence. I know I was high on emotions at the time (am a lot calmer now) but I considered how liberating it will be to have my own thing and be able to set my own terms. It made me reflect on why I set out years ago to build sustainable skills and a sustainable side hustle. So far there has been limited success on that front too. Will this be the motivation that I need? I don't know. I just feel like venting on this platform. Of course the ideal thing to do is to embrace the past and look towards the future. I can only keep building at this point, knowing fully well that one interview doesn't define me.