RE: Staring into the Void
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I'm very sorry. Nothing prepares you for it or softens the blow. Your experience played out much like ours, we had no idea it was going to happen until we were in the moment. I've come to believe dogs are higher beings, at the very least they're more pure than us. I believe they know when it's their time and they welcome the relief from their suffering. This, in no way, makes it any easier. Two days before Amstel left us or son was visiting and Amstel walked into the middle of the living room, and just stared at my wife and son until they agreed to go on a walk with us. He had never done this before. During that walk he was like a puppy, he barked and wanted to run like he did when he was young (only it was for about 5 feet instead of 5 blocks). Amstel just wanted one last walk with "his pack". The only thing that I've found to stop the hurting is to remember the good times, to imagine his spirit is still around, as long as I do this the void of him not being here is tolerable. Again, I'm sorry. I hope reading this didn't make you feel worse. They are such special souls.
Thanks. I think it would be so much easier if they could talk to you. Her mind seemed fine, but we could tell her body was failing and there was no telling how much pain she was in. We knew we were just being selfish possibly making her suffer for so long. But then you question yourself. Maybe she would have been fine for another year... Ugh. It's hard too because we have never been in this house without her. It seems so much bigger and empty now. This morning was really hard not going through the usual routine of giving her her pills and feeding her before we headed off to work.
I know, this is what we struggled with too. After we replayed it over and over about a thousand times in our heads we realized that it was the right thing to do. I've seen people who hang onto them longer than they should and it's so unfair to the animal because nature wouldn't allow for them to linger if they weren't domesticated. The void afterwards is the excruciating part. We got Amstel about a month after our first beagle passed and that really helped but, unfortunately, we couldn't do that this time. Originally our plan was to travel but then my wife got sick (I haven't shared anything about this online). Now we're in and out of the hospital and doctors' appointments so much it would be impossible to have a dog now. Hang in there. It's helped us to talk about our memories of Amstel. We still talk about him almost every day. When it's nice my wife and I go to the park and feed the squirrels, any contact with nature helps.
I believe it's when they stop fighting that they get that burst of energy. Our girl did the same, got up & bounced around like a puppy and had an amazing time at two beaches. She was gone the next week. I'm glad she got that last amazing day though!
That makes sense. Our beagle had been sick off-and-on for the last two years. He would have low points and then miraculously bounce back. This last time was different, he knew it and we did too.
Yeah. It's an awful feeling </3 we love our dogs so much.