MY GROWTH.

I always had this question in mind "Do all introverts suffer from low self esteem or was it just me?"

While growing up, I never believed in my self, I lived in a version of me that I am starting to realize never existed, I was so scared of everything and everyone including myself. I never believed I was enough, I never believed I could do it, I was all about living up to people's expectation.

I found it even difficult to talk where others were talking (you would hardly see me where people are gathered anyways.)...But I finally got to realize that growing up as an introvert wasn't really the problem, the problem was always walking on an eggshell, letting people take advantage of me, being silent where I was meant to talk.

Although I was always calm and always on the quiet side but so many things around me contributed to me living in the version of me that strongly believe never existed. Well, when you grow up around adults who forget to accept the fact that you are a child and need to act like one, you end up seeing yourself in that condition.

When the adults around you keep screaming and shouting about how disappointed they were on you even at a tender age, when as a little girl you literary get scolded for everything you end up seeing yourself being scared of even breathing to avoid being scolded for breathing too much. With the effect of that, even when you are around your mate, you are scared of doing or saying anything to avoid being scolded at home for getting involved in a havoc, just to come back home and be scolded or even beaten for allowing a fellow child take an advantage of you.

You see, back then I was in a position of great confusion, being scolded for talking then I finally grew into an over quiet girl because I wasn't much of a talker from the onset, I was also scolded for being too quite. Now you see why I said I was in the position of confusion.

Today, I won't say I'm an extrovert. No, I'm not. I still have a thing against socializing and meeting people and even making friends but believe me when I say that I know what I can do now, believe me when I say that I so much believe in myself now. I don't like talking too much or a loud environment but at least I can keep a conversation and I can joke when needed, that is how much progress I have made.

_{the image is from my personal gallery}

Like I said earlier, that version of me never existed. It's quite unfortunately I spent over 20 yrs of my life living a stranger. But I'm glad I got to realize and fix that.