Remorseful and grateful - SELF EXAMINATION

I might have not been the best. I might have wronged so many in many ways. Although, I tried to be my best, but, we are all humans and we have limitations. A year just came to an end, and like every other human I have red inks bisected on my book.

Lots of unfulfilled promises both to my self and others, lots of unachieved goals. Gosh🤦‍♀️ I didn't even attempt some, It's that bad, but believe me when I say that, that is what makes me a human. Yes, those little imperfections.

I can't be a human if I don't make mistakes, I can't be a human without those red inks, I can't be a human without those failures, I'm only humans and since I am only human I am allowed to make mistakes because all humans do.

I'm not trying to justify my mistakes, no, I am just trying to make myself understand that I should do it better next time.

The year has come and it's almost gone (from my part of the world) with it's own troubles, promises and failure and what exactly did I achieve this year.

_{Image by zero take from unsplash}

All those lists I wrote down, why didn't I achieve all of them? what exactly happened to me? 😔 I lost friends, I made some new ones, I still lost someone of them. Well, it's understandable, no one has a permanent slot in our lives; everyone is transient. I also took some drastic decisions this year. Some of which I am proud of, some I regret so much but there are still some that I don't even know how I felt about. Regrets, pleased, I just don't know all I know is that I took the decision and the truth is I must live with them because they are mine.

This year also came with so many lessons. Some of these lessons I learnt in a hard way, some I learnt in a very conducive situation but the most important part is that lessons were learnt.

The sad moments were quite painful, only thinking about it just pulled down a tear. I cried during those moments. Lessons also came along with the sad moments and these lessons are mine to keep, but the memory of the sad moments is not mine anymore because I decided to let it go.

Before you start thinking too deep, there were also happy memories and remembering them now I totally forgot I was crying few seconds ago and I am just smiling.

The good memories also came with it's own lessons and I decided to keep both the lessons and the memories.

Yes, this is the point I am trying to make: this year has really been a long one and I had so many experiences but I don't have all of it. Reasons being that, I let go of some unnecessary experiences for my own mental health. But believe me when I say that my lessons and happy memories are still very much intact.

And for all the plans I made this year that because of one reasons or the other I couldn't achieve. well, I think I would scan through them, throw out the unnecessary ones and for the rest of the memories....

You are coming with me to 2023