Trapped; HELP!!!
I am a lady.
Striving to be the lady of my dream, that is a lady friends could rely on.
I'm almost achieving it though but there are some things I am really struggling with and I feel like pouring it out,
Asking for help: I find it very difficult to open up when I am in need. Don't call me proud because it has nothing to do with pride. Yes, I know that some people own might but mine really doesn't. It's just that I feel like I would be disturbing the person by asking for help, I feel like asking the person for help is more like adding to the person's problems, even when I know the person can do it for me, I still feel bad asking for it. Most times you see me suffering from things people around me can easily solve without stress just because I did not open up to ask for it.
It's really torturing and I can't find my way out, I feel so trapped withing myself but I don't know what to do to pull out.
Trusting people: Although I wasn't born with lack of trust, experiences caused it, but I feel like I am living in the past, I feel like I am allowing things that happened to be in the past limit my life experiences, I feel like I am hurting people who really cares because of the bad people I met earlier. I just don't know how to go about it.
Image by Vladimir Tsokalo from unsplash
Over thinking: If there is an award for the best over thinker then I think I would have really gotten one by now, I make a big deal out of everything, I analyse every single word someone say to me.
I see my self lying on my bed and think and think over a particular thing that naturally shouldn't be an issue, infact I am a pro at making a mountain out of a mole. And its effect on me is really massive.
Expressing how I feel: I think this is the worst. I really don't know how to express how I feel. I just bottle everything up 😂. I just take everything the way I see it, I see my self enduring things I shouldn't endure. When someone does something that hurts me, instead of me to make the person understand how I feel, I would make up excuses for the person in my head and bottle up the whole hurt. It's really not a funny experience. Most time I lie on my bed and cry over what someone did to me and still I the person won't know anything about it.
Self Judgment: Some might say that this is ok, but I would say otherwise. It is not nice. Well, it might be but not on the level mine is.
I judge myself over everything that happens around me, I even give excuses and create reasons why it's my fault when people hurt me at times. And this is really affecting my self esteem.
All these might seem like nothing but to me, it's a big deal. It's like a harmful parasite that is really eating deep into me.
You should understand that it’s more important to have a smaller, closer group of friends than having dozens of friends all over the place. Acquaintances are fine but friends should be condensed to a few good ones and then that will alleviate the stresses and issues that you have with burdens and other peoples stuff. We can’t fix everything but we can improve ourselves by not putting everyone else first besides ourselves.
You are right
But the whole thing is just so difficult.
Thanks alot
Okayyy, first of all sis, thank you so much for pouring this out. You have the nerves that I dont, and that's really commendable. Opening up is such a big deal to me and that's probably why I have been shying away from it. I see myself through this post and I haven't given myself this particular chance to express the way I really feel, I just go around with this heavy heart and head(a million things run through my head at once sis and you just gave me a way to disect and simplify them)
Although I am going through a similar situation and can totally relate, I have few things to say because I am currently working on them, we are in this together sis. And trust me, it's a gradual process, so please, dont beat yourself up way too much even if you are moving a little slow.
About asking for help, I understand that it can be hard, but I also think that, you might probably be scared of being rejected and getting a NO, it would probably hurt your ego and I understand if that's how you feel. I want you to always remember that 'it is totally okay to ask for help' , regardless of what the outcome might be. A tree doesn't make a forest, you know. For a start, I would suggest by asking for help for people you are very comfortable with, so that no matter what the outcome turns out to be, you don't feel awkward. Trust me, good people still exists.
About trusting people, I think you need to realize that people are different and so will the experiences with them be as well. Don't feel too bad that you remember things from the past, they can actually serve as a guide in dealing with other situations. But what you do need to stop is always relating events from the past to the one happening now, give room for new experiences, now that you are smarter.
For overthinking, I don't think I have a single advice, because that's like my greatest hurdle at the moment and I am still trying to deal with it, but sis, I really get you and I really wish I knew a spell that can cast that spirit out. Since there isn't, we need to find ways to put an end to it, because it can be mentally draining and tiring.
For expressing how you feel, honestly, I dont feel its fair that some people get to do whatever they like while we suffer for it. No one deserves to live like that. I think you should try to find a means by which you can express yourself to anyone that hurts you. If you can't say something immediately, that's okay, you don't need to start exchanging words if you are not okay by it. If you need to sit them down for a convesation, please don't hesitate. If you need to send it over a text or talk about it on phone, that's fine too, so far it's the most comfortable way for you to communicate. People shouldn't get away with treating people anyhow they see fit. Your mental health matters sis, you have to be in control this time around.
About self judgement, I do it as well, it is draining, and it is not nice in any way, really. I just think that we are probably too hard on ourselves and we need to calm down a little, and be more open minded. We don't always need to put the blame on ourselves every time, others should learn to take responsibilities too.
As I mentioned earlier, the change won't occur in a day, and will probably be hard to do, but if you start now, I'm sure things will keep getting better and better.
And always remember that, you are not in this alone and that there is absolutely nothimg wrong with you.
Wow!
A tear almost dropped while I was reading this.
I had to open up because it was really getting to my brain.
I'm so greatful you totally understand, thank you so much for this advice and the reassurance that I am ok. I would really put it all to work.
You are right, we cant be suffering for other people's annoying act. 😒
Thank you so much sis❤️
It’s my pleasure sis😊❤️
The case of asking for help eats me up too.
Before I'll open up to someone for help, I'll used up to days to ponder on it
Wow, well if there is one thing I have learnt from this post that I made it is that it's always good to ask for help.
So please always try to ask for help when needed 😊
I know it's actually difficult
But just try
Yeah, very true.
Thank you for the Hive gift.
You got me feeling like I received a call gift. Lol🤗
😂😂😂