[WE106] Weekend-Engagement concept ~ Conflict Management
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Conflict management
How do you deal with conflict? Are you the tackle it head-on sort of person, or do you avoid it? Tell us what your style is, and feel free to share an example.
Just today, while I was preparing to leave for church, my two younger siblings got into an argument, while I was trying to settle the argument to avoid them getting into a big fight or to the extent of them exchanging blows, I decided to settle the case but unfortunately, they wouldn't listen to me so I asked every one of them to leave the house as they were in my house and that action caused an argument between myself and my immediate younger brother.
Even when I was asked to let go of the issue, I refused to because when I begged them to settle the argument amicably to avoid fighting each other they refused which was the reason why ended up going to church late.
I was so pissed off with their attitude since they both decided not to listen to me, everyone was all going to have to face me with my anger.
I am a reserved person but when I am angry it's like a tornado taking place, that is why I don't love conflict but if I try to avoid it and the person refuses to see it from my angle then I am ready to face it head-on and will make sure you regret not listening to me when I wanted to avoid it.
I love my quiet space, a peaceful and quiet environment so any time, there is a conflict around me, I don't always feel comfortable around these places and always try as much as possible to dissolve the dispute or conflict but most times, I may not be that patient enough to want to settle the conflict especially if it is the same scenario like the one that happened today within my siblings.
If I am faced with conflict and feel that if I avoid it, it's going to settle it, then I would gladly avoid it but if I want to avoid it and the person is pushing too far, then I am sure ready to face it head-on and won't back down until I am sure we've aired out our heart.
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I think that conflict with family members can be the worst because there's a lack of objectivity that we can use when dealing with colleauges or acquaintances. It's also difficult when people know our buttons and use them to escalate things instead of finding a respectful solution.
One thing I hated about my ex family members is that they would never come out and say "I didn't like xyz, let's discuss it", but would rather give me the cold shoulder and dirty looks, snide comments, guilt trips and so on but even if I asked, they would deny anything until much later, sometimes weeks later and then they would deploy a full on attack session where they would bring up everything from my entire life and make me feel like a piece of shit. I don't think that's any way to resolve anything, it's just to feel dominant and push others down. Very few arguments can be settled like that, so it's something that I avoid like the plague. If someone is annoyed or pissed off with me but aren't willing to say so, then I will put it out of my mind, until they are ready to have an adult conversation about it.
I think that trying to resolve something amicably like you did with your siblings was a good effort, but it come across like they weren't actually interested in resolution, they WANTED a fight. In that case, it's almost impossible so I don't blame you for chucking them out of the house.