The Dead End || KISS WEEK #62

These past two weeks have been one of a bumping ride. Just when I thought I found a way to handle how super active my son is due to his crawling activities, he caught a cold, which is making him more attached to me than usual. In the process of attending to him, I caught a cold as well, that left my whole body in pain and a runny nose.

Gradually, I began to miss those days of my life when I could have so many hours to myself, to think about any problems at hand and figure things out.

One of my most strong personalities is my ability to enjoy my alone time, think, and analyze and solve problems but this requires time, a valuable asset I don't have these days.

When I don't have time to figure things out, it results in mental stress.

My son takes up almost all my time. When I'm in the kitchen, in the bathroom, and in everything I do, he is in my head, I'm constantly thinking about him and making sure that he gets all that he needs. As sweet and lovely taking care of him can be, I miss my pre-mom's days terribly and I'm struggling to come to terms that my schedule has changed forever.

Instead of trying so hard to bounce back, I should be finding a way to move forward. And this is hard.

I looked at my hive goals at the beginning of this year and I see how far behind I have fallen from achieving them. It is so hard for me these days to just find an uninterrupted time to completely read a single post and make meaningful comments. Before I could finish, my baby might be tapping my lap. Even writing this post, he is crawling all over me. Sometimes this made me wish I could just divide myself into two and let one part play with him while the other part focused on other tasks at hand. Hmm who am I kidding lol, I have got only one head to figure my shits out.

I always thought I could figure a way around this but it is so damn hard. There are days I just pause everything in hopes that when he sleeps I could do something but on such days it could take him a lot of time before he will take a deep nap and before then I might be dead tired.

Last week this made me so intense and for a very long time, it felt like I was hitting a dead end. Or maybe that was all in my head, maybe there is no dead end because after each end, there is another great way to figure things out and move forward but this time it is taking me so much time to figure things out.

Normally, good music will help me clear my mind and give me a fresh perspective to look at. But I can't even have alone time to immerse myself in any kind of soulful music of my choice.

Or have the time to soak me in the shower for as long as I want. My shower time these days is so freaking short.

So what do I do In this instance to eliminate this mental stress? I took a little break, to think and reboot myself. I took a long walk, breathing in the fresh air. Remind me I can do this, I'm stronger than I know, look back at how far I have come, those obstacles I have overcome in the past, and realize I can do this. Think of the people that need me, and rely on my strength. Tell myself, there are many first-time moms out there that are having it worst. And having a place to let these all out on the blockchain helps tremendously.

The Dead End

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Stop listening to that voice in my head, that says this is a dead end. There is no dead end as long as I could believe no dead end.

I thought of people like Oprah Winfrey, and how she was able to do so many great things. I thought of Jack Dorsey and how he could run multiple companies at a time. It all seems like this rule of mental stress never applies to them. Maybe this is true only because their mind never believed in it. Maybe it is all in my mind and if I could direct my mind to act in a way I wanted, like I sometimes do I will be able to do more than I'm already doing.

I think I have been consuming a lot of negative words lately and I have to focus on this area. Be more careful of the things I let in and focus more on positive words.

I need to be more focused and draw strength from the love and support of my hubby and the joy and laughter my son brings to us. Enjoy this moment as he is not going to be a child twice. Be more careful with this inner voice of mine because whether I like it or not it is growing too strong than I like these days.

Take pleasure in the little things around me. Like admitting this fresh and tiny looking rain droplet on the leaves of a yam we planted in the backyard. With these, I'm eliminating mental stress to a very large extent if not completely.

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