NOLLYHOOD IS THE NEW ROBIN HOOD

Earlier this month, I made a post about doubting the mental status of people who watch Zee world, I felt they were getting infected by a virus but I was yet to realise that the real Pandemic is Nollywood.

Considering the fact that I have sat down for over two decades and more to watch Nollywood movies, I should be allowed to insert it in my CV as work experience. Don't try calculate my age because I don't even know how old I am, so keep reading.

Nollywood employs over one million people and is the second largest movie industry in the world.

"Second?"!!

It probably explains why this movie industry uses every opportunity to test and ridicule my little IQ when watching their movies.

For every movie of Nollywood I watch, I notice a 5% drop in my IQ. I must admit that Zee-world producers walked so Nollywood producers could fly.

Well, if you are yet to understand what we face, I would love to take you on a journey of the pandemic caused by Nollywood, it has been proven by me that watching Nollywood decreases your life span on earth and this is why:

You just know these producers are after your life when you see the title of the movies, for heaven's sake this is modern day civilization, How do you write a movie for two hours and call it Blackberry Babies, like how?? are you okay?. Is everything okay at home?.

You would be complaining about this one and they would release other movies called the Mango child, The egg in the forest and they would have the audacity to call it blockbuster.

Nollywood and ghost are 5&6, I think we should call the industry Ghostwood at this point. It is only in Nigerian movies, you would see a ghost picking up a call and you would be wondering if your eyes are deceiving you.

Somebody would die with a T-shirt and Jeans, only for his ghost to wake up with suit and tie, please how did the ghost do costume change so quickly, the ghost would eventually wake up and head to the road only to look left and right before crossing the road, PLEASE ARE YOU NOT DEAD ALREADY?, HOW CAN A GHOST BE SCARED OF DYING AGAIN.

Isn't it disturbing that we watch movies where two ghosts would fall madly in love with each other and maybe try getting kids, for heaven's sake you are ghosts.

I felt that was the only madness script writers and directors could perform until I watch this scene between two popular actors and here it goes:

Segun Arinze: Yeah! I got you this time, you can escape from me anymore. Imma shoot you now and you will die now.

Kanayo O Kanayo: Oh No!..{Proceeds to kneel down and beg}.. Please don't shoot me Segun. What have I done to deserve this?

Segun Arinze: Shut uuuup! Hold your lips and say your last prayers!! shot twice calmly kisses the gun after shooting

Kanayo O Kanayo: Haaa! Even after begging you! You shot me! Now I will die grin grin, you can see that I am dying, blood is coming out, I am dying!!..I have died.

Please where in the world would you shoot someone twice and the person would still be alive to tell you that he is dying not even Lazarus in the Holy Book rose like that from the dead. Please what have we done to deserve this torture. You are dead already just die and be gone already.

There was be something off about our movies, you would see a village setting and the actress would have a brazilian wig on her head and you are acting as a poor woman, or do I talk about all the assassins and kidnappers are always holding hostages in uncompleted buildings and never safehouses or warehouses. Let's not forget how they would shoot a scene of a blind woman saying "I am happy to see you my son", how can she suddenly see.

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