Fiat won't Float
I absolutely do not want to win the lottery. Do you hear me?
I hope to never grip my shaking hand around a slip of paper that could change my life, starry eyed and lost in daydreams. Imagining all my problems are gone now, I'd cry from the relief my great luck would flood the room around me with! No, thank you.
I remember feeling a lack of companionship in my life, one day I decided I wanted a boyfriend. I had been flirting with someone for months, finally gathering the courage to make a move. Utter rejection.
I was in my early 20's and always had suitors, yet suddenly my well ran dry. I felt a wee bit invisible; it was disconcerting! Was my desire to be spoken to making me less noticeable?
The short answer may be yes. My attempt to get one of those large sweater having creatures known as a boyfriend made me realize dating was boring. What a hassle! I went back to focusing on the things in my life that already made me feel fulfilled. Guess who suddenly decided they wanted to date me after all just then? When I was almost over him, there he was.
It's totally toxic to say that my need for love made me less loveable, that isn't my angle here. No, I just mean to point out that sometimes the desperate pursuit of something is what makes it elusive. Once, a bird was trapped in my house. I chased it around until we both were all freaked out. I felt so guilty that I was antagonizing it, yet it had to go!
Exasperated, I flung the blanket I was trying to scoop it up with on the floor. What was I going to do?! Maybe 10 minutes later, the dang bird was sitting on the blanket— gotcha! After what felt like a day of chaos, I caught my feathered wanderer as soon as I stopped trying to.
Same with the boyfriend, I gave up and there it all was. I started dating the man I had been crushing on for almost a year, after a period of deep loneliness. As I said before, during this time it felt like no one liked me. Now that makes me giggle, but as a 20-something it felt like some sort of death! Oh, the drama... Then, the situation flip-flopped.
As a young woman with a boyfriend, I found many of my male friends expressing a surprising interest in me out of nowhere. "Hey, how have you been?" types of messages filled my inbox on social media. Huh? Where were all these guys when I was on the market 6 months ago? Did they not see I was in a relationship now?
Although scarcity does inspire people to want something or someone, I don't think that is what happened there. I believe that my dedication to my own path was what opened all sorts of doors, thankfully ones far more interesting than dating possibilities!
I was sick of waiting tables, and wanted to be behind a bar instead. When one person finally offered me a job I liked, 5 more followed suit. I had always wanted to live in a comfortable home, so I made myself one in my first apartment. I saved money to travel. I recognized the power in choosing the things that I wanted in my life, and made space for them.
I had been searching for validation and acknowledgement from others, while offering none to myself. It wasn't my desire to date that made me invisible, it was probably the part of me that took that desire in hand. I wanted to be in L-O-V-E. The missing ingredient that would ignite my life!
A less than healthy outlook, in hindsight. I have no idea why this sort of intense idealization of such a thing scared young men away... When I dispelled this thinking, it hit me.
Wait, but I hate when people do that to me!
A manic pixie dream girl, yeah, that's what I was. The aloof and quirky typecast who becomes a plot point against their will. In the years to come I would experience a few men imagining that I was the answer to something. Well, looking back I was just as guilty. I could blame Disney movies, which raised me to think that the best happy ending was love. Really though, it's cultural.
We think love is a solution, but it is a problem. In a mathematic sense. Two sets of numbers who adjust their volume based on a mutually desired outcome. I needed better formulas.
This seemed to be true when hoping to succeed at anything for me, from catching birds, to following my passions in writing. So often, the way we take in the details of a situation determine the possibilities in it. Victory is all about the presentation of random odds, and a bit of hard work. I win the lottery every day in that sense. Life is about perspective in my book.
By establishing a pattern of finding my answers within myself, I removed the weight I set on others. I don't think I was aware of how draining it is to be around someone who is always looking for a solution to be presented to them. Dynamic people are too busy finding a way for that noise!
Sure, I would have a blast with several million dollars. I'd buy some people houses, check some things off my bucket list, you know. Do I actually think it would make my life significantly better though? Or anyone else's? Not really, I thought on it for awhile, and then awhile more.
I don't believe in a quick anything. When I did fall in L-O-V-E, almost a decade later, we bought an old brick house partially for this reason. I think construction truly matters, in an era of quick build homes. Craftsmanship in all things inspires longevity.
I could make a few million dollars in the coming decades, that isn't even an outrageous amount to shoot for, really. Earning it feels more in line with my "dream come true" thinking these days. I want to daydream about the me who achieves that! Easy is not always appealing in the long run.
creativenonfiction inkwellprompt writing perspective life proofofbrain neoxian waiv freewriters thoughtfuldailypost
You weave such a great story here, @grindan, tying in themes that continually present themselves in your life until a hypothesis comes forward: the way to get what you want is to look away from it completely.
You have some great life insights here.
Thank you for joining our lottery fantasy adventure, and for reading and commenting on the work of other community members.
This really made me smile, @grindan. Your charming, self-deprecating view of yourself is a goldmine for creativity! I love all the stories you told, like men suddenly showing up all over the place once you had a boyfriend. Isn't that always the way? Somehow you tied it all back to how you feel about winning the lottery. This is a great read, and I saw some of myself in it too. I'm sure everyone can relate on some level to what you shared!
Thank you for this great comment Jayna, I love knowing I made you smile 😁💚!! If we can't laugh at ourselves, and the sometimes-absurd nature of life, then I think we are in for a bad time personally! 😂🤗
Hahhaha this is a great post, I always make a joke about the lotto whenever anyone asks if I have my ticket. "Got your ticket? It's 5 mil, if you're not in ya can't win." And all that stuff. I always say, "only 5mil? I'd be disappointed by that. I've seen it going way higher..." Joking, not joking. I kind of would be a bit annoyed after seeing the Euro millions jackpots sometimes lol
I think you're right, there has to be some cosmic force at play. When I was 19 I had gone about a year wanting a partner, but I never put myself out there. So I decided, feck it. And just hung out with the lads, playing music and just dossing in general.
Then I ended up in another town at a party, and sure enough. Met my GF, she was kind of intimidating, I was smoking a lot and a bit scared to talk with her, but we got along really well, then didn't talk again for a few months and didn't exchange details. Then I ended up back in that town, bumped into her again, exchanged details and now it's nearly 10 years later and it's been so fun.
Yeah, it's strange how having a job or something seems to make other offers appear. I've noticed that myself, when I'm busy there always seems to be more offers.
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Aweeee I love that my story brought how you met your gf to mind! 😍 !LUV It's so crazy how things work out when they are ready, and not a minute before... I broke up with my husband after we had been dating only a few weeks because he was too immature. About two years later I married him, because he's so darn immature 😆 (yet responsible) 🤷♀ Timing is everything I guess haha!
Seriously, there is no one cooler than a person who doesn't care what you think at all 🤣. I grew up and finally realized the only secret to being cool was thinking being cool was overrated. What?! !LOLZ Life feels like a wild bout of chaos with lots of opportunities to find meaning anyhow, what a ride! It definitely seems as if many of the great things in my life appeared as soon as I wasn't looking for them 😂 Thank you for this awesome comment brother! !PIZZA
Oh my gosh and hey BTW, do you know what you are having yet? When is Killerwot Jr due?!?!
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But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
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You're welcome it was a great read, I think it's great reading something that gets the old mind spinning haha
Yeah, we found out that he's a boy! Which is cool, but we had a bunch of ideas for girls names but none for boys haha right now, less than 10 weeks away. The due date is between the 6-11 of April, it's going to be a alot of fun!
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I love this analogy, @grindan, perhaps as it was also true for me IRL - as soon as I let that fluttering, grasping fuckery of 'i want a boyf' out of my energy house, there he was, and there he still is, flapping his wings about the room.
Okay so are we giving up now on being rich? I gave that up a long time ago. Still no one has deposited a million bucks into my account. Sigh.
Love your writing thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much.
💕😁🤗 Ahhhhh thank you!! ❤️ Your comments always make me smile so big!
In love, finances, or just whims, it always seems I can have anything... as long as I don't want it too much 🤣. I'll try actively proclaiming that I don't want a boat load of cash a few more times in random situations. If it works, I'll be sure to send a million your way. Wouldn't that be a neat little sweep up for the universe?! haha 😆
Now you've written it indelibly on the Blockchain, you have to haha!!
And what a power it is! Knowing what you want, and what you don't want, and living your life accordingly... it's a freedom, and it's also a responsibility of course, but only to yourself. :)
Well said! Loving ourselves is a big responsibility, taking charge of it is so rewarding though! 😁🤗 !LUV !PIZZA
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Life or god or whatever is totally a cat. You know when you really want to pet that cat it’s either going to run away or scratch you. But when you show it that you don’t need anything from it, it comes rubbing up against you.
I am in the same pattern as you. I want things to badly which leads to life kicking my ass. I’m trying my best to learn how to find that feeling before I have the thing that I want, and to let that feeling become strong enough that it’ll remain even if that thing never comes.
!LOLZ You freaking said it! Every time I set something down it seems to multiply these days... which is great, but harnessing the nature of that is a continual learning deal it seems. A cat? perfect. You cannot herd cats, but you can spend a lot of years pretending that you can 😂 10/10 analogy on all fronts!
That line of thinking is very powerful! I'm going to spend some time mulling that over today. For lack of a better way to describe it, I consider my philosophy to be centered on spiritual alchemy. Absorbing an experience, even if it does not go the way we want it to... heck yes. I love this focus. Heavy lifting indeed, but we are jacked at heart 🤣😎
The first part was good.
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Thank you Kitty 😘💚
HA! I bought some lottery tickets last night just for the fuck of it. Awesome that you can find the answers within, often the best place to look.
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You must be killin' it out here!
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I don't want to win the lottery, but I want YOU to win the lottery! You deserve it for sure brother ❤️🤗 Delegating my chances of winning to you mentally !LOLZ !LUV !PIZZA !PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
@grindan just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @enginewitty.
You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/1 possible people today.
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I appreciate you taking the time, to either use my TAG, or post in my Community. There are plenty of them to choose from. So...
Thank you Wes 🤗
I can relate to the feeling of wanting something and until you want to let it go or do let it go, then it becomes handed to you. I admire your writing style. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you very much 😁💚
Life sure is odd sometimes, huh? I try to just roll with it 🤣 !PIZZA
"It's totally toxic to say that my need for love made me less loveable,"
Why did I feel a pang of pain straight to the heart after reading this? It hurts.
The last part made me laugh, though.
I think you're very loveable! You are a great writer, and a very genuine person 🤗 !LUV !PIZZA
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My heart melts at your appreciation. I also admire you as a writer. 😊
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What a wise woman you are.
The pursuit of a relationship to fill a gap in our psyche, or to complete us, is a futile endeavor. Only two healthy people (in heart) can truly experience a healthy relationship..
@grindan! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @wandrnrose7. (5/10)
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Shucks, thank you!
And, absolutely! You said it... As much as we'd like to think otherwise, love isn't the answer to everything. Although, I sure wish it was! !LOLZ !LUV !PIZZA
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Wow what a beautiful read.. Anyways from your last paragraph, "if there was any way to increase your odds of winning money, it's probably asserting to the universe that you don't want to"
One can trick the universe. Any time you want to win anything, do as if you don't want to and boom! You will. But I don't think this is the same of as football and other things .. Some things cent be tricked this way!! You gats want it and you must show you want it.
Once again.. Beautiful read you have got here