PLAYING AMATEUR DETECTIVE

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"My dad is stronger than yours"

'No, mine is stronger than yours" I replied

Alright then, prove it. How old is he? my friend asked, as if that was the winning point and indeed the look of victory from my other classmates showed they'd already deemed him the winner.

This was a typical conversation amongst my mates in school, once the majority seemed to believe the other party then you already lost the argument.
They didn't seem to mind that the other party had no proof just like me, all my opposition had to do was just look like he was winning.

In this case, the argument was about whose dad was stronger and our only point of reference was ourselves. The thinking was that the older you were, the stronger you got. Hence why my classmate wanted us to compare how old our dads were to know whose dad was stronger.

Knowing my dad's age shouldn't have been a problem except that two main factors were against me.
Firstly it was never a question that could've come up because it was considered disrespectful to ask in an African home and secondly there was no official document around I could've gotten it from.

Hence my decision to play detective. I had to get the information but in a manner that wouldn't get me an ass whooping. The only option was to search through my dad's bag for an ID when he got back home from work.

I endured the taunts and jeers from my classmates for the rest of the day, I was usually the quiet type so the taunts were really getting to me.
Normally I never argued in class, which was why loosing an argument when I did was like loosing a diamond ring.

Even if I was caught snooping in my dad's bag, I was ready to risk it all by the close of school. My mum picked I and my little sister after school and I was quiet on the way home.

"hazmat, what's wrong with you?" she asked

"Nothing mummy, I'm just tired"

"Tired, sorry dear. It's quite unlike you to be this quiet" she replied

My mum knew that although I was usually quiet in class, I was never quiet around my family. So my sudden quietness looked strange to her.

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We got home and I kept asking what the time was till my mum got frustrated and chased me out to play football. The problem was that some of my classmates also lived in the area and I wasn't ready to face them.

I didn't go out to play football, which apparently was another red flag for my mum because she was the one always dragging me away from the same football. My mum knew something was definitely off.

I kept on pestering her for when the time my dad would be home but unfortunately it seemed the prank gods were on my case. Dad called and mentioned he wouldn't be able to come home.

The news was worse than a nuclear blast. I had just forced myself through a day of taunting, another day in school and I would literally explode.

It was now a do or die affair, if Dad didn't come home then I would have to search through his things. The only opportunity to do this would be when mum was cooking dinner.

My question changed to
"Mummy when are you making dinner?"

"You're thinking of dinber already. Have you done your school assignment?" she asked in return

'Yes mummy and I want to help you cook"

Another red flag because I always found a way to escape to the comfort of my friends whenever she was cooking. She simply smiled and told me not to bother.

Mum was finally in the kitchen and it was time for operation Dad's Age.

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I had to search every document I could find, but most importantly remember to return it back to the way it was arranged. Probably five minutes into my search, lost in the fervor if my search I heard someone clap behind me.
It was my little sister and I knew I was as good as dead.

Golden rule: Your secret is never safe with your sibling, especially if she's a five year old talking drum.

One minute I was a detective, the next minute I was a criminal in front of my mum. The evidence (documents) of my crime were just on top of the bed. I knew the game was up.

So I started crying and the whole story came out about what happened at school and how i needed to know my dad's real age.
Immediately I saw my mum burst into laughter, I knew salvation had probably come sooner than I expected.

Apparently my mum had been wondering about my different moods since we got back from school and instead of following me around, she asked my little sister to watch me.

She promised to give me the information before I left for school the next day, if I agreed to help in the kitchen. Trust me I didn't think twice before agreeing to her request.

The next morning, I was armed with the information to finally make a befitting comeback.
God save my classmate if he didn't know his dad's age or if my dad was older. I was fully ready to become a full-time nuisance for the day just to get my revenge.