YOUR ACTIONS YOUR VOICE

Most times I feel like I'm bottled up and it's hard to let what's on my mind out. I find it so hard to speak up and let my voice be heard because I feel that I really don't have to say what's on my mind because I might be wrong or I might hurt someone with my words. I guess it's because of how my life was while growing up. Since I lived with just my dad as the only parent while growing up, I had to get use to figuring things out myself almost all the time.

My dad was always busy you know, trying to make hands met so his family doesn't go hungry so he had less time for my siblings and I. It's not as if I blame him for anything, in fact reverse is the the case, I feel like he did even more than any single father would do. He was someone who listens to us his children but then I noticed that anytime we go to him for anything, it's mostly us ditching out our discomfort about different things.

I could feel how worried he was on days when he couldn't be of help to us because it wasn't just in his place to do so. At those point I just keep wishing if only we had our mom around to fill up those open spots. It was not easy but we survived somehow, and it's all thanks to God. What about those days when I wake up late at night to relieve myself and I see my dad sitting at the edge of his bed lost in his thoughts.

There were those days when he had to run from one place to another when one of us wasn't doing fine. It was tough for him and then I always kept praying never to fall sick so he doesn't have to worry about me too much. My life with my dad was the best because I felt how much love he had for us. He never overlooks things because he wanted us to be the best in whatever we do. He is understanding and ever caring towards us.

There were days when we felt he wasn't doing much and that was only because he corrected us or chastised us but then overall, I knew we had the best father anyone would want to ever wish for. I keep praying everyday that God have mercy and make him reap the fruit of his labour. Just thinking about my dad gives me the courage to go through life no matter how tough it gets because he deserves all the best life can give to him for bringing me to this world.

I don't like speaking up all the time because I know how much I've been blessed and I feel speaking up too much might give room for being ungrateful and that's the last thing I want to do. I do speak up now but I always make sure to think through and through just to be sure I don't say what I shouldn't say. Because once I start talking it might be hard for me to control what comes to my mind and out through my mouth.

I've always preferred to be a listener than a speaker and that has helped me a whole lot and I don't mind losing a conversation as long as I get to understand the next person. I mostly enjoy speaking through my actions and not my words because that way everyone can easily understand me and flow with me. I'm able to become who I am today thanks to the kind of family I was born into.

The bond I share with them is something that is really priceless and I don't wish to trade it for anything else except it's the will of God that I do so. I just felt like expressing myself from within and I'm so glad there is a community like this that I can share things like this every now and then. Right now I feel a bit light in my head and my mind. It's already past midnight while I'm writing this and I really can't pin point why my hands just kept itching me to write but I hope you enjoyed reading through.