Parents and their annoying phrase, “WE"VE HAD IT WORSE THAN YOU HAVE”

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(Edited)

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Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash

It’s no surprise that life in the past was tough. There was no booming economy, no gadgets, no internet, and minimal access to schools and universities. And I admire the hardships our parents went through in the past and the sacrifices they had to make. But do they need to talk about it every time?

They always say that “you guys should be grateful,” “you guys are lucky,” and say insensitive things like, “oh, why would you cry about that, back in the day….” It’s super irritating.

Especially during family gatherings, parents tend to talk about the struggles of their child and then follow it up with, “oh, that’s the things they’re crying about? Back in the day, we had to worry where our food would come, or where our money would come from to pay rent” It’s as if they also want us to live like that, to live just like how they did in the past.

Isn’t that ironic for parents to say?

Isn’t the goal to provide a better life for future generations?

If we still lived as we did in the past, we would never improve as individuals or species in general.

Parents keep talking about how hard life was before and how much easier life today is. And always thinking that we, the new generation, don’t face any problems whatsoever. Of course, we do; no matter how life might seem easy or fast things are now, we still face problems, just not the same ones in the past.

In the past, people might have had problems regarding access to education. Nowadays, students struggle to keep up with the super competitive and fast-paced learning in schools.

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Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Unsplash

People might have had problems regarding their deteriorating physical health in the past. Nowadays, people are faced with mental health problems.

In the past, people walked to and from their houses. The new generation is struggling to balance their allowance in the super inflated prices of goods nowadays.

You see, just because we can’t see the struggle physically does not mean it exists.

No matter how perfect the outside might seem, there are struggles and battles that we can’t see or witness.

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I admire my parents and what they had to go through in the past.

My father was born from a low-income household; he had to deliver “tuba” or coconut wine to neighbors to earn some extra cash for their food. Also, he was a working student back in the day; he told me that he once was a janitor to their university and scrubbed the floors before classes started. I was moved by this when I heard it and was amazed by what he had accomplished now.

But now, he tends to invalidate all our feelings and problems just because he had it worse than us. He would say,” Oh, would you rather have not had food on your plate,” “would you rather be selling corn on the streets,” and all that. It’s annoying.

The goal for every parent should be to provide a better life for their kids. Not only to have a good life in the future but to also help and improve our nation.

And to parents, please don’t try to invalidate your kid’s feelings just because you’ve had it worse. Try to listen and understand; the last thing they want is their parents shrugging it off and not helping them with their struggles in life.



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26 comments
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Oh, I'm guilty as It is. Sometimes, I have to say things like you have to be thankful because you're so lucky that you get to play with toys because I don't get to play with them back in my days, I just play with leaves, stones and etc. Sometimes, we parents tend to say those things not to invalidate our children's feelings but to remind them to be grateful about what they have. 🥰 It isn't intentional, I'm sorry about that Carlos 😌 I should bear that in mind whenever I'll try to talk to my daughter whenever she's throwing some tantrums. ☺️

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Parenthood is hard. How much more if you are doing it by yourself. Kendra is so blessed to have you as her mom!!!

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I understand that as well, and just like @asasiklause mentions, parenthood is truly hard. It takes two to tango, and it should take understanding from both parties to create stronger connections with one another. Thank you for your feedback!! Really awesome coming from a parent like you!

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☺️ My pleasure Carlos. Thank you for this as well, atleast parents like me would probably want to get to know younger generations through your post. 😌☺️

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I can relate. Growing up it is really annoying but when i took a guidance counselling subject in a local university here in cebu i learn that these manipulative behaviours of parents comes natural to them in their attempt to validate their feelings without knowing that it is toxic to children growing up. Of course they did not grew up with child parenting education all they have are parenting skills they acquired from their parents which may be toxic as well. It is a vicious cycle. But there are recent development with some agencies in the govt like DSWD and Population Commission implementing Family Development Programs. Im hoping these will address the issue in the long run.

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That's great. I agree, I think that parents don't intentionally want to invalidate their children's feelings, but the way they present or talk to us about it truly gives its feeling. And yes, with more awareness for this issue, this would become a thing of the past.

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I'm not a parent but I'm guilty with this kind of mindset. When I was still a Manager, I usually compare my time as a newbie to the newbies. I realized how toxic it was and sometimes irrelevant. People have their own journey to go through and it was something too hard for me to accept.

I'm sorry you have to deal such thing with your family. Our parents often times say words that they don't mean but for us, it means so much.

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Yes, it really does. Hope this would be understood by everyone.

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I guess most of parents have this kind of mentality where they believe that their children must go through the same struggles like they did. We sometimes could not blame them because they come from a different generation. Probably the values that were instilled to them are different from ours. But I am hoping one day that parents with those mindset will gradually realize that life right now is not the same as before😊

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That's true. Mindsets are instilled from those who came before us, and we should do our best efforts to reflect on those ideas, and maybe abolish them if needed. I hope so too, everybody should adapt to our ever-changing world. Thank you so much!

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Yes indeed, we have the power to change those values and be better parents in the future. Let's all continue to grow and learn each day. Thanks for your post as well!

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I can relate to this. All I did was let those words pass through my ears. I tried to understand them and be grateful I didn’t experience the hardship as they did. It was annoying at first but I get used to it.
I think almost every parent is like that but one thing is for sure, they don’t mean to annoy and invalidate our feelings. They love us pero ngana ra jud nang mga tiguls.

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That's great. Yep, we just need to understand them as well. Thank you for your feedback!

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I’m guilty of this mindset with my own children. However, with my own parents, they had a much better economy in their time, so they can’t relate to why I and my generation struggle so much.

My dad quit school in the 10th grade to work at a coal mine for $30,000 a year in the late 60s. I can’t even afford university, of which I would need at least a two -year degree to make that kind of money. I think it’s hard for my parents to understand why I can’t just work hard and succeed in life like they did.

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That's unfortunate to hear. That's also a huge problem that we as a society face nowadays, plus, the world is getting more competitive by the day. I hope this problem would be given much importance by the government.

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Yes, I think many of my generation do not understand that younger people have different challenges economically than we had. A dollar doesn't;t go as far as it did when I was my kids age. My oldest son pays more for his apartment rent than I pay for my mortgage and all my utilities together. I have lots of empathy for them.

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Thanks for posting in the ASEAN Hive Community.

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I completely understand what you are saying and my mother and older relatives used to do the same thing. Now that I am older I find myself doing something similar with my boys now 😀. I also understand more now than ever, that my mother and older relatives did what they did to ensure we showed appreciation for what we had and did not forget that it could always be worse in other ways as well.

Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs is a real kicker.

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I can understand your feelings. I admit it sucks when there are older generations comparing their times with today's, especially if the intention is for showing that they're better and tougher than the current generation. I think everyone in every generation has different struggles. I'm sure when they were young, whenever their parents said things like that, they didn't like it too.

But sometimes there are parents who tell stories about their hard past life without that kind intension. They're just want to share their memories. It's nothing wrong with that, and we'd like to hear it.

If the intention is to make their children more grateful with their life, I think parents should adjust the intonation of speech when they say it. So it more like motivational and educational stories than a judgment or invalidation of their kids' feeling.

Since the communication is the key, maybe you could talk to your parents about this? IDK it's gonna work or not, but I hope your relationship with your parents is getting better.

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