Punday Monday 290
Welcome to Punday Monday!
tl;dr
Make a pun about the topic of the week,
This week’s topic is bed
Here's how to make a pun, if you don't know: https://peakd.com/contest/@improv/puns-and-prizes-learn-to-pun-easy-fun-anybody-can-be-a-hit-at-parties
New To Punday?
Pull up a stool, order a spiked PUNch, and get to know some of the regulars. I'm your PUNtender, @improv.
How To Make a Pun
This contest is open to everyone. Here's a handy dandy guide on how to make a pun: Learn to Pun
Rules for the PUN-test:
- If you hope to win a prize [1 100% upvote per punster, 2 HSBI for a win), your pun must be your original work
- Puns must be relevant to the topic of the week to win a prize, but they can be very loosely related.
Last Week's Punday Monday:
Here is last week's Punday Monday, and all the puns that were eligible to win this week are in the comments!
Hang on to your PUNderwear. The Winner of This Week's PUNday Monday Is...
OH, WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE FOR YOU?
How’s THIS:
Best Pun...
Best Pun of the Entire Week...
Best Overall Pun (click it)...
DRUMROLL PLEASE…..
This Week's Pun Topic Is:
Bed
As in
When Bed, Bath and Beyond got in trouble for jacking up their prices on bedding during the power outage, they tried to shirk their responsibility with a generic apology and a “we’re not liable for anything” blanket statement.*
*Dear Bed Bath and Beyond. This is a joke. I don’t think you’ve ever gotten in trouble for such a thing. This is a joke. Don’t sue me for libel. I’m not saying you did this really. It’s a joke. A bad joke? Maybe. But just a joke because I was trying to work “blanket statement” into a pun, and you’re the most obvious bedding store.
I'm So Good at Puns
If you've never punned before, it might seem like magic! You can do it, too! Learn how in My Free How-To Guide on Punning!
Related Content:
- @freewritehouse offers writing and word-smithing contests every week
- https://bit.ly/improvonpopin to join me on a gaming app where I host funny trivia on Sunday nights, and Spades, Hearts, and Liar’s dice on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday
X:"According to the Ikea manual, your bed should be positioned on the left instead of the right."
Y:"Shut up!"
X:"Looks like someone really woke up on the wrong side of the bed"
@rayius
Me: I want sleep at the right side of the bed.
wife: why ?
Me: because our washroom is on the right side of our room and it easy to pee if you are sleeping on the right side.
She : shut up.
me : why ?
She : I use to wake up more Due to this pee thing :P
I got a little too into it, so made it into a post 😆: https://peakd.com/hive-155986/@bennettitalia/bed-wetter-a-lil-nightmare-for-improvs-punday-monday-290
Jameson was THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND when he went DOWN. Luckily, he ended up CRASHING on something ULTRA SOFT. Unfortunately, the something he ended up crashing on was situated in somebody else's apartment, to which he just so happened to have procured a spare key. This apartment, where, in his blacked out state, he'd apparently decided to seek refuge, belonged to his ex-girlfriend, Margarita.
Margarita seemed to have a bit of a BEDSPRING in her step this morning, as she was just BOUNCING back from a long night of BURNING UP THE SHEETS in somebody else's FOUR-POSTER, and was not expecting to return home to find Jameson SAWING LOGS, having first emptied the remaining contents of a plastic liter bottle of whisky (so cheap its afterburn was the stuff of NIGHTMARES) all over her brand new duvet, giving new meaning to the term "BED-WETTER".
So when Jameson awoke, with a KING-SIZED hangover, mind you, it was to Margarita's dulcet voice singing him a LULLABYE of outrage, bitterness, blame, and recrimination, in a near hysterical, high-pitched ALARM CLOCK klaxon of a scream that would have AWAKENED THE DEAD any night of the week.
It certainly woke up Jameson.
Disclaimer: yes, yes, I know that not all of the bed-related references in this story are puns, but I suspect a few of them of being somewhat punnish. At least a couple? I'd settle for one. To tell the truth, I kinda got lost in the story. What's a pun again?
Lol, nice disclaimer, Bennett
Ha! Thought you might like that. To be honest I saw this post and thought "one pun, huh? That should be easy". But apparently I'm too used to freewrites, I see a prompt and something in my brain unravels and spits out a story. I'll try for a single, simple, good clean pun next time. Good to see you @improv!
Rrrrggghh! I KNEW there was an egregious pun at the end of this story! I just couldn't find it. Last night it came to me in a dream. New ending:
...having first upended the remaining contents of a plastic liter bottle of whisky (so cheap its afterburn was the stuff of NIGHTMARES) all over her brand new duvet.
So when Jameson awoke, with a KING-SIZED hangover, mind you, it was to Margarita's dulcet voice singing him a LULLABYE of outrage, bitterness, blame, and recrimination, in a near hysterical, high-pitched ALARM CLOCK klaxon of a scream that would have AWAKENED THE DEAD any night of the week.
Jameson was still too inebriated to think straight, so he tried to calm her down by inviting her to join him in a nap, since she did look tired. But then he noticed the enormous whisky stain that had besmirched her formerly pristine duvet (still damp from the previous night's BED WETTING) and he understood that there would be no way to COMFORTER.
ba-dum-bum.
To ensure we have a good night of rest, we need a good bed so that we will not end up waking up to bad Tempur.
Once upon a time, there lived a princess who was desperate for an adventure. She had heard about a bed with wheels that could be used to travel around the world, but she didn't have one.
One day, she got her wish. A strange man appeared in the palace courtyard and presented her with a magical bed on wheels! It was made of wood and had four large rocket boosters attached to it.
The princess was so excited that she jumped right into the bed and shouted, "Let's go!" The bed immediately took off, soaring through the air like a rocket ship. She flew all around the world, visiting new places and having amazing adventures.
When she returned home after her long journey, she kept the magical bed with wheels in her bedroom as a reminder of all the wonderful things she'd seen and done during her travels.
And that's how the princess discovered that beds can be more than just something you sleep in - they can also be vehicles for exploration!
I'm trying to think of a really good bedpost for you guys, but I need to think of a bedder way to frame it for this contest...
This wasn't one of my better puns, I hope I didn't put y'all to sleep!
I've been doing these contests for about two years now...I wonder what my thread count is up to???