Punday Monday 303
Welcome to Punday Monday!
tl;dr
Make a pun about the topic of the week,
This week’s topic is knees!
Here's how to make a pun, if you don't know: https://peakd.com/contest/@improv/puns-and-prizes-learn-to-pun-easy-fun-anybody-can-be-a-hit-at-parties
New To Punday?
Pull up a stool, order a spiked PUNch, and get to know some of the regulars. I'm your PUNtender, @improv.
How To Make a Pun
This contest is open to everyone. Here's a handy dandy guide on how to make a pun: Learn to Pun
Rules for the PUN-test:
- If you hope to win a prize [1 100% upvote per punster, 2 HSBI for a win), your pun must be your original work
- Puns must be relevant to the topic of the week to win a prize, but they can be very loosely related.
Last Week's Punday Monday:
Here is last week's Punday Monday, and all the puns that were eligible to win this week are in the comments!
Hang on to your PUNderwear. The Winner of This Week's PUNday Monday Is...
OH, WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE FOR YOU?
How’s THIS:
Best Pun...
Best Pun of the Entire Week...
Best Overall Pun (click it)...
A TON of good ones this week, and indeed, some lovely shaggy dog stories, but I can’t deny the allure of…
DRUMROLL PLEASE…..
@theabsolute’s Poll and ate!
This Week's Pun Topic Is:
knees
As in
An old canoe went to the doctor, and said “it hurts! I can’t walk anymore!” And the doctor said “walk? You’re a canoe” And the canoe said, “fine, float. The point is, the straight parts are fine, but it hurts around the bend.”
Bada bing. You been punned. You see, because riverbends are a thing, and knees bend. Boom.
Boomity boom.
I'm So Good at Puns
If you've never punned before, it might seem like magic! You can do it, too! Learn how in My Free How-To Guide on Punning!
Related Content:
- @freewritehouse offers writing and word-smithing contests every week
- https://bit.ly/improvonpopin to join me on a gaming app where I host funny trivia on Sunday nights, and Spades, Hearts, and Liar’s dice on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday
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Arnold Schwarzenegger was getting surgery on his knees after an injury that occurred on set during the filming of the latest Hollywood blockbuster. "I'm afraid we have to operate on your tibia, the doctor said."
"It's not a femur," Schwarzenegger said,with a sigh of relief!
As the hitman points the guns to his forehead, he instructed him "get on to your knees, any last words?"
The man immediately took out his phone and called a grab. The hitman being confused, asked why?
He replied, "My nieces live a couple of blocks away. Since you ask me to get to my nieces, I figured out I should called a grab"
@rayius
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired of using its knees!
I must openly admit that @theabsolute's "Poll and ate" pun from last week was the bee's knees.
Why did the scientist study the patella? Because he wanted to get to the bottom of knee anatomy.
Reminder that on Sunday night at 7pm Los Angeles time, I'll be doing a trivia night, and your punchlines might show up there! (Credit will be given to you, of course.) Check out pop.in from smiletime in the app store or play store or whatever your phone uses!
Will you have this recorded somewhere? I'll be up to my knees in work at that time. When I signed my contract, I sure went down on one knee for my position. 😱
A child trips and scratches his knee. His mom brings him to the doctor. Doctor scrapes off a bunch of little stones off of the knee into a small cup and says, “we’re gonna need to get some urine."
Mother asks, “Why?”
Doctor says, “we’ve collected some kid-knee stones.”
Another old joke originally written for my medical colleagues. I'll have some more originals coming. 😁
Something I figured out during today's Below the Knee Amputation: had the surgeon gotten cocky and made a mistake when removing her patient's leg, she'd have her foot in her mouth.
Mr. and Mrs. Hurtenballs are playing a game of charades. Mrs. Hurtenballs lifts up 6 fingers to indicate a 6 word phrase, and her hubby nods, affirming "6 words."
Mrs. Hurtenballs proceeds to point to herself, make a heart symbol with her hands, and point at Mr. Hurtenballs. He nods and says, "I love you."
Next, she points to herself, comes over to Mr. Hurtenballs and rams her knee between his legs, and points at him. With a painful grimace on his face, and in a high-pitched voice, he says, "I need you."
While conducting promotional interviews for the 2006 film, Silence, Liam Neeson revealed that he was fascinated by the priesthood during childhood and almost became one. A pivotal moment occurred when he was first saw the theatricality of the ceremonies performed in a large, beautiful church. After the ceremony, he went up to the priest, who calmly told him, "Liam, kneel, son."
Disclaimer: certain parts of this joke may be partially fabricated. No knee-jerk lawsuits, please.
A nervous owner of a pair of knees couldn't stop jittering around. One knee hit the other and said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you so hard!" The other knee hit him back even harder and giddily cackled as if he heard a real knee-slapper. The first knee said, "Gee whiz, what a knee jerk reaction."
Rebecca lost both of her legs in a car accident, and was waiting to receive a custom-built set of legs so that she could practice walking again, and was expecting to receive them just around her birthday. Instead, her sister gave birth to twin daughters on Rebecca's birthday, and Rebecca gleefully joined in on the celebrations.
"Just what I wanted for my birthday!" Rebecca said. "A new pair of niece!"
A British girl got into a tumble with her sister, and her sister kicked her in the knee. She went to her father, crying, "Pa, she kick'd me in da knee! Tell'a to 'pologize!"
Pa tells her, "I'll tell'a when you show me where she kick'd ya knee."
She points to the front of her knee with both fingers and exclaims, "Pa! Tell'a!"