Apocalyptic Homesteading (Day 1181)
Hello Everyone!
The oddity of verbal communication, Cleaning the cabin again, Manically beating a rug & Easing some dog aches!
Alright, I am running way behind time with my writing routine tonight... and am incredibly fatigued to boot... so there is no telling how this particular entry will turn out. I wound up having another of those four hour conversations with that buddy of mine... that I have known for several decades now but only recently started communicating with more often.
Going from essentially talking to no one for days and weeks on end... to having a lengthy conversation like that has quite the effect upon me... and although I was enjoying it I had to cut it short in order to get some writing done. It kind of struck me after the fact, that for nearly the entire last two hours I was watching the clock a lot... and how anxious I felt watching my timeframe for writing sliding by.
Anyways, last night I could barely get to sleep... and it was very close to dawn by the time I could successfully drift off even a marginal amount. Even then though, I kept waking back up again (due to my thoughts) and it would take me long minutes... before I could drift back to sleep again.
I think that all total I might have gotten in two thirty minute chunks of deep sleep before the sun was rising... and I found myself wide awake again. For whatever the reason (probably overthinking) I just could not drift back off to sleep again... so at that point I got up... and started some espresso brewing instead of doing any more tossing and turning.
Although I was not super into it, I immediately began doing my Hive engagement routine... and per usual gave it my best for the bulk of the morning until things warmed up outside. I also scoured my old 'ball and chain Web2 platform' (and the news) just to see what all was going on... but honestly I was not all that into doing either of those things very much.
Once the sun was fully out and things had warmed up... I dove into bringing the water system back online... before doing a bunch of prep work to clean out the cabin again... and this time I even gave the kitchen area a thorough scrubbing. Basically, I threw a bunch of stuff away from the 'kitchen' and anything that remained I either put outside on the deck... or shuffled from one side to the other as I scrubbed the counter down.
After getting way over-involved with the kitchen (I even scrubbed down the single burner that I cook on) I transitioned to moving more stuff onto the deck (and the bed) so that I could remove the rug and dog bedding. The way I have everything crammed into this place makes that quite the tedious process... but at least everything fits!
Since my aging dog has been having a rough go at things she had made quite the mess... so this time I swept the floor, scrubbed it with the plastic bristled broom, scrubbed it again by hand with several rags... and finally mopped it all out for good measure. Although I generally only use hot water (with bleach) once during that process... this time I used it at every stage... and of course changed the water out each time.
In other words, I got the floor super clean... and by the last time (when I was mopping it) the water was not nearly as dirty as any time that I cleaned it before of late. I also beat the living snot out of the 'clean' rug before laying it on the floor... and the whole time I kept thinking of something that someone on Hive had said a while back: I beat the rugs like they are someone who owes me money! Or words to that effect.
It did make me kind of smile a bit... but I am sure that the look on my face was pretty maniacal looking... given how focused (and earnest) that I was whilst doing the task. The rug surprisingly did not shed as much sand as I thought that it would... but whoa did it leave a rather grimy film on the piece of spring steel (a push bar from a door) that I was beating it with... and I had to then scrub it all off afterwards to get it clean again.
Throughout the course of the day I did a bunch of other small chores... and did my best to just 'stay busy' without going too 'full tilt' so that I did not work myself up into a manic state in the process. My back gave me plenty of 'twinges' along the way... but much like my hunger I simply ignored it... and stayed focused on whatever task was immediately in front of me.
Honestly, no matter how much all that stuff needed done... I was doing it all in an effort to keep myself from obsessing over the insurmountable tasks ahead of me. Those tasks being (but not limited to) breaking everything down, packing things up and of course figuring out where the heck I am going to move to... and how the heck I am going to move if I find a place.
I also just wanted to not dwell on how everything here has worked out (or not worked out as the case may be) and how more than likely I cannot really count on getting paid for my efforts/work here. In short, everything to do with all of that is so unreliable (and stomach turning to boot) that I know better than to count on it all working out as planned.
On a different note. I realized last night that my aging dog is not so much in pain as she is totally frigging annoyed that she cannot move around at will... or scratch her ears (or other upper areas) with her hind legs. She also has a tendency to lay on the worst of her hips... and in doing so (after a while) it does cause her a bit of pain.
What I have been doing is watching her movements... and when she tries to scratch herself I just do it for her as well as pet her a bunch... which seems to work wonders. If the discomfort seems to be from laying on her 'bad hip' (they are both bad but one is definitely worse) I gently reposition her... so that she is laying on her other side... which also 'works wonders' to give her some relief... so go figure.
Well, on that note... it is late... and way past my posting time so I am going to wrap this entry up. I hope that everyone is doing well and holding true to their word. Ta ta for now.
Good luck finding a next place!! What has worked for me in the past is: instead of allowing my mind to feel anxious about having to search for a place redirecting thoughts to the moment of feeling peace & joy of having found the place, visualizing already being there & the pets happily running around. Somehow "seeing" us there made it easier to squash pessimism and allow the opportunity to arrive. Or at least I feel like it helped!
Thanks. I am familiar with using a similar technique to the one that you are describing and have used it extensively before... but it is always based off dreams and the places that I see/visit in them. I have relentlessly been trying to envision/dream about the 'next place' for the last few years but have yet to see one. I have actually remarked upon the lack of seeing a next place because it is so unusual for me to not see one.
All of that stuff definitely does help to bypass pessimism, cynicism and such in my experiences as well. Not to get too 'woo woo' here but a little over a year ago I surrendered my own plans... and decided to just follow whatever plan that 'divinity' had for me... because obviously (if there was a place I was seeing in dreams) I would know what to envision... but lacking that I have to look beyond myself for guidance.
Hard to put it all into words but I often have moments/experiences where I think to myself something along the lines of: This is why you are still here... so that this realization/experience would occur.
Peculiar stuff to say the least but so is everything else about my cognition so I just roll with it.
You put it into words perfectly!! I think it is great to get woo woo from time to time. Especially when life plans & the plans that Earth has for us is concerned. I like how you said you are going with the plan divinity has for you! I feel the same. It can be confusing, and i often wonder if I made the right life decisions in letting divinity drive starting a few years back. Trying to control everything just wasn't working out and extremely stressful!!
I am glad to hear you are letting divine guidance show you the way. I wish you luck and hope divinity shines a lot on the path, or shows you in dreams, soon!
Thanks for getting it. I understand what you mean there about it being confusing at times... and the questioning of 'life decisions' (choices) and although I got over second guessing my own some time ago (so that I could simply accept them and move on without repeating past mistakes or the making of poor choices) it is good to examine them and reexamine them.
Ha! The control thing is bonkers and it has been a super long time since I endeavored upon 'trying to control everything' and began focusing on merely controlling myself. Seeking control in any form is a short road to taking on immense aggravation and frustration... which is something I prefer to do without.
Divinity is strange but when faced with the unknown I often think of a Stephen King quote from The Dark Tower series: There will be water if God wills it.
With all you have going on it is no wonder you can't sleep.
Yep! Last night was better but it was from sheer exhaustion.
You did really well today, with all that scrubbing and mopping and I hope your back did not complain much afterwards.
Talking with your friend some more could do you some good because we really do need someone to talk to, to feel better.
Your dog is cute and I'm happy to know that you have not chosen the painful path but rather have discovered a new way to ease his pain.
Post some more photos of the dog on your next post !