Apocalyptic Homesteading (Day 1189)

Hello Everyone!

Ordering new boots, Window shopping for tents, Hiking the stress away & Another cold snap!

Alright, I am starting the writing one minute early this evening even though I made the text file for it some time ago... and have been sitting here staring off into space for the previous fourteen minutes. Some of that time was of course me waiting on the espresso to finish brewing... but overall I could have at least tried to start spelling things out.

Last night I had a heck of a time falling asleep... and much of that was me obsessing over what to do at this point in life... as well as doing my best to combat all the intrusive thoughts that have been plaguing me for the better part of a week now. To say that I have been having a hard time with it all... would be an understatement and just holding my own mentally has been mostly a losing battle.

The rest that I did get was not all that restful... but I awoke not that long after sunrise... and began my day much like I have many others before it. I eventually even did my Hive engagement routine... and actually did some engagement along the way regardless of how bleak my overall mood was.

At some point I realized that I needed to order those new boots that I have been needing... and also get some more nitenpyram capsules ordered due to seeing some fleas lately. The boots came out to a little over one hundred and thirty bucks USD after taxes... which is still cheaper than the other kind (the Wetland ones) that I have now had two pairs of.

The new ones are the 'Wetland Pro Snake Boot' which honestly I wish that I had read the reviews on before ordering them... because they seem to be both heavier than the other ones and hotter on the feet. Mainly I just wanted to get them because they were less expensive... but I thought that the 'snake boot' aspect is not a bad idea considering that wherever I wind up at (after I move) it will be at the beginning of snake season.

To elaborate on that, if I do find a place I will most likely have to clear a new site... and do all that crazy prep work that is required to live in the woods... all during the worst time of year to be doing it! So with that in mind and it probably being a total clusterfuck to boot (because it always is) and my mind not being in the kind of shape it needs to be in to be 'truly aware' of my surroundings to spot camouflaged venomous critters... snake proof boots seemed like a good choice!

The one thing that I want to do with the new boots (before I start wearing them) is to either use barge cement or even 'gorilla glue' on the seams where the soles attach... because that part seems to be weak on all models of that particular manufacturer's boots. I have yet to order either of those things... and considering how fucked up of a process getting my mail here is to start with... I should do it soon so that all the packages arrive at nearly the same time.

Anyways, after ordering the boots (and flea medication) I started looking at various camping tents... because for the most part I always wind up in a fucking tent when I move... and if I am going to do it again I want a really big tent. Most of the tents that I looked at were absolute rubbish as far as gear goes... but getting anything the size that I will need that is actually good... is way outside my meager budget... or lack thereof!

After about a half hour of looking at tents... and trying to picture how each one would work... and how they would hold up in harsh conditions along with being heavily used... I had all these flashbacks to my previous experiences... which yeah were rather unsettling to say the least. I then totally gave up on looking at tents... because I almost 'snapped' and began fucking crying over how fucking sad it was that after all my work here... I was going to wind up in some shitty tent again.

I had a lot of moments like that today actually... and although I tried to distract myself by being productive and continue packing stuff down... all that I managed to do was my routine chores. Each time that I felt myself beginning to breakdown... I bundled up in some warm clothes and began aimlessly hiking around until my mind cleared some and I felt okay again.

If the weather had been nicer today... I might have actually been more productive than I was... but the temperature has been dropping again as another cold snap rolls in and the wind was gusting rather hard... which yeah did not do much for my overall mood. It will not quite get down to freezing tonight... but tomorrow it will so I will have to drain the water system again... and do all the usual prep work that involves.

Well, I think that is all the words that I have in me for this entry. Be well or something.