Apocalyptic Homesteading (Day 629)

Hello Everyone!

Packing is a slow grind, The search continues, Small achievements matter & Life never pauses!

I am up before sunrise this morning and although I have been awake for some time now... I have yet to fully shake the fog of sleep. Granted I fell asleep super early last night (and slept like an absolute rock) eventually I hope this espresso kicks in and I can shed this sleepiness altogether.

During the previous weekend (the last few days) I have more or less just taken a break on the packing of stuff so that I could fully focus on looking over my moving options and of course get my mind right! I did however do some odds and ends stuff that will put me closer to my goals but most of that was routine chores that I had let pile up a bit.

It is downright weird packing my life down without a destination in mind but the way I see it... I will have to do it all one way or another eventually so why the heck not! Barring the miracle of something around forty or fifty thousand bucks 'falling from the sky' and getting my own land (or just securing this one) the only real option on the table is to do what I have been doing.

The search for a new place is incredibly daunting and the very idea of talking to more strangers is absolutely unappealing to me even though I know that is what it will take to continue looking! It is quite the quandary when it comes right down to it because there is just too damn much to 'unpack' (explain) about my lifestyle, my choices and myself in general for my own comfort when it comes to strangers.

My own caginess sure plays a big part in all that and while sure I can be very open, candid and downright blunt... I think that in and of itself becomes problematic considering most folks just do not operate that way. Hence it all too often being met with suspicion, misunderstanding or dubious incredulity... which hey I get... have encountered before... and know how tiresome it is for me!

At this point in life I am keenly interested in staying focused on the path ahead and not deviating from it. Which sounds straight forward but in all actuality I have no idea where the path is. Honestly, I feel like I am wandering through the woods hoping to stumble across a trail-head or even a game trail that will lead me to where I need to be!

My sentiment seems to be: Yup I am in the woods but I am nowhere close to being lost during my search for a way out! The thing that I keep telling myself is that 'I have found my way before' but I now find myself asking the question: Have I really? What I mean by that is when I first began this phase of my life it was in an effort to not continually be moving every few years... and yet that is what I have still been doing!

Not that I ever find myself thinking along these lines... but I have to ask myself just how far would I be right now had I spent the last nine years on one piece of land instead of continually starting over. Just in man hours, labor, materials, tools (and of course moving fees) I have assuredly 'wasted' a small fortune with nothing substantial to show for it at this point.

Of course I am in no way whining or complaining there and am just trying to put it in perspective to myself in regards to only the previous five years. Especially because that is when I really found myself 'buckling down' with the singular goal of having a long-term place to be. As tiresome as it has all been and as 'wasteful' as it has all been I must somehow avoid perpetuating the cycle!

That is my thought process on it all at least and regardless of my desire for 'things working out' they have not and while sure I could do all kinds of crazy stuff in response each time and grow discouraged or un-hinged... I just resign myself to keep moving forward... shrugging off what lays behind. I seldom talk about the 'emotional fallout' that I feel each time but ugh its heavy.

On a similar note. I have obviously been feeling a strong urge to write of late. I must admit that it is difficult not to spend all my time doing so each day in an effort to reach some kind of larger inner-personal clarity or to just free myself from the 'background noise' of my own mental chatter! I mean really as far as therapeutic tools go I think that I found mine in this writing thing!

Anyway, the sun is crawling up over the horizon and my big goal this week is to tackle the shop tent and start getting all my gear in there cleaned up and packed down. Since it actually represents the bulk of my possessions I think that making progress on it will leave me feeling like the scenario is a little less daunting and of course give me that warm and fuzzy feeling of: Achieving something!

I am glad that I took the last few days to just get my mind where it needs to be but the deal with myself that I made is that I would go 'full bore' on packing this week. There are of course other things that need doing like harvesting the potatoes, burning the burnables and picking up all the dang sticks everywhere that have fallen from the recent bout of storms.

It could be said that 'life never pauses' and while I could obviously ignore continuing to do the things that need done (like harvesting the potatoes) I am not exactly sure disrupting everything in my life would be good for me! I mean really right now I need any small victories/achievements that I can get just to keep my morale in decent enough shape to get me through what lays ahead.

Of course the most 'broken thing' about the entire affair of moving is that the economic pressures at play are at the heart of it. In many ways it would be so much easier (and obviously less frustrating) if I could shoulder the blame (or even lay the blame squarely on others) but honestly I know that there are a heck of a lot of folks facing a similar situation through no fault of their own.

I guess that is why I found the idea of this place being a campground and retreat so appealing in the first place. Having faced the housing insecurity thing too much in life and knowing the value of a good retreat... it makes perfect sense. Especially when I couple that with all the current economic pressures and how important of a role such places can play because of them.

Well, I have meandered on enough for one morning and I best get the boots on, get outdoors and start doing stuff. I keep thinking that I should be starting my days off with a hike just to clear my head and over the coming days I think it would be wise to make that a firm part of my routine.

Okay, it is a little later in the day and so far I have done a bunch of my routine chores, gone hiking and gotten some of the stuff in the shop tent sorted through. All of which sounds good but whoa as far as that shop tent goes I have a long way to go and I quickly learned that working on it during the heat of the day is not gonna cut it!

The insane heat has subsided a bit but yeah it is still 'a cooker' out there and with all the recent rain it sure is muggy and humid to boot! I think that for any future work in the shop tent I am going to have to adjust my routines so that I can work on it very early in the morning or late in the day just before dark. Gah! It seems like I keep trying to squeeze doing everything into those time frames lately!

On a different note, I want to mention that all things considered I am holding up well enough and that sense of 'calm assuredness' that I keep waking up to keeps getting a little deeper every day. In the back of my mind there sure is a heck of a lot still going on for me but I think that I have successfully brushed the feelings of turmoil aside... or just ridden roughshod over them!

Also it is worth mentioning that yes I still have my eye on moving to the southwest and whether that is tomorrow or in many years from now just having that 'ultimate destination' in my mind goes a long way. I know full well that it may take me numerous other 'journeys' to reach that goal but it alas gives me a goal to be working towards.

I assuredly like the idea of doing it right now but I do not mind waiting for it either considering how worthwhile I think that it will be. When it comes right down to it I feel incredibly 'drawn' to that particular region. It is a sensation that has been steadily growing stronger for quite some time now so I suppose it will just continue to do so until I am there!

Alright, I best get to wrapping this entry up before it gets too much longer. I hope that everyone is doing well and has a nice day/night.

Bob the rooster's waddles have really grown in!

Thanks for reading!

Please check out the Homesteading Community:
https://peakd.com/c/hive-114308/created

That Is All For Now!

Cheers! & Hive On!