They Depend On Me, They Envy Me, But I Envied Them (WE123)
October 15, 2022
Growing up in a large family inevitably leads to sibling rivalry, competition, and envy. Some are competing for our parents' attention, some are competing for the possessions they desire, some are envious of what others have, and some are simply relaxed and relying on our parents' pockets. While the other is forging a path that is positively different from what others have done. A better and more direct path.
A favorite child as my siblings called me, they envy me for getting things that they couldn't since I was young. Little did they know that those were just simply rewarded for being a good and responsible child. Among all children in our family, I am the most obedient, dependable, and responsible. My father allowed me to study in an expensive computer school in our city. As I graduated from school and immediately got a job, I became independent and learned to live on my own.
They, on the other hand, became reliant on me, especially after my father retired. Meanwhile, my two older brothers have established their own families and cannot be relied upon. Burdens and responsibilities were placed on my shoulders as the third child and eldest daughter, and I became the breadwinner.
I'm a person who doesn't like depending on others, so at a young age, I became independent to get the life that I want. As I started to earn on my own, I was able to provide for my family's needs, pay the bills, and support the education of my siblings.
Through my hard-earned money, I can buy what I want: clothes, shoes, gadgets, etc. And as I worked abroad, I was able to travel to different beautiful places. And that's what my siblings envy me. I can get anything if I want to.
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Little did they know that I envy them more. I envy them for not having burdens on their shoulders. I envy them for being happy-go-lucky as if there aren't problems in the world. I envy them for being able to do whatever they want: marry at a certain age, have a boyfriend/girlfriend, hang out with their friends whenever they want, and leave the house without their parent's permission. There were times that I wished I have that gut, to not care about anything around me, or just be irresponsible, but I couldn't.
Among all my siblings, I envy my eldest brother and younger sister. My brother, at a certain age, did not hesitate to marry the woman he loved and start his own family. He was never afraid of being reprimanded by our strict father. He didn't care much about taking on some responsibilities that had been passed onto me. Meanwhile, I envy my younger sister for being outgoing, extroverted, and carefree, doing whatever makes her happy regardless of the consequences or even if our father is strict. A complete opposite of myself. I was always worried about making mistakes and disappointing my parents.
Those were things that I can hardly do when I was their age. My weekdays were spent at school, my weekends were spent taking care of them. I can barely go out with my friends. I always need to get my mother's permission just to do what I want. My young life was just a school-home routine. Less enjoyment, less freedom. While others are starting to create their own family, I, on the other hand, is not allowed to create my own, especially when my mother indirectly said, "don't get married yet."
It's not that I aim for that; it's the freedom that I truly desire. A life that is free of responsibilities. A life that is free of burdens. I want a more free and enjoyable life at an age that has already crossed beyond the calendar.
Those things put me into where I am today. However, thinking about how far I've come, I realized that, my life is better than theirs so I should move on from the past, and I shouldn't envy them but rather be grateful for this life because I was able to travel far that I never thought I could.
When I started sharing my posts on my social media account a few years ago, I sensed enviousness from my younger siblings' comments on my posts. Something that I don't want them to feel. Until then, I deactivated my account and never posted any travel blog on my social media account.
And as a responsible child that stands as the eldest among my siblings, I want them to think positively and focus more on their studies so that someday, they could attain the life they want. I don't want them to feel envious as it can be distractive. I rather want them to be inspired to do better. I don't like spoiling them, as I want them to learn to be independent at younger ages and work harder to get what they want, and not be too dependent upon anyone else.
This is my response to @galenkp's questions for the current Weekend Engagement Concept 123.
Who are you jealous of (if anyone). Why, and how do you feel this jealousy affects your life?
Are you a person others can depend upon or are you dependent upon others. Explain your answer and how either affects your life.
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A few drops of tears fell in my eyes when I read this. Very rare that I can relate and gets annoyed.
I hate it when you are being held off to the things that you should do. As a parent, our goal is to support you and help you soar to heights that you want to pursue not to be an extra burden.
I have too much to say pero ayun nalang muna I can't and need to move on with other blogs haha.
Thanks TP for stopping by.. Ganun tlga tadhana ng mga breadwinner..mapait haha..pero kakayanin.. 😊
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Nakarelate ako dito haha, nakakaiyak pero yun yung totoo.
Breadwinner ka rn b?
Yes po :)
This so-called sibling rivalry never appeared in our family. I was lucky enough that we were raised with a good conduct and embedded in our minds that no matter what happens, you must help your siblings first above all else. In your case ate, I was very sad that this was your childhood experiences. It is the reality to some and how I wish your younger siblings would do better in their academics and strive for a good future. !PIZZA
Im counting on the last three.. So far, they are doing good..thanks
Good to hear that ate. More power to them!
This made me cry... your siblings and parents are so fortunate to have you. But I hope they will also think about you...
I guess they are, but they can't do anything for now
The important thing is that they make good of their studies so your hardwork won't go to waste hehe. Cheers !LADY :)
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Sana nga hehe !LUV
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Awww, big hugs. I could feel the emotions and what you’re going through, but I know someday, everything will be very perfect for you. We all have different stories, and as of the moment, your chapter is on the most challenging part. You are so kind and generous, God is preparing for your biggest launching, and I am excited for that. I know you are more than blessed. You are such an inspiration Jane!
Thank you !LADY... And yours is another good story to tell 😊...
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I grew up in a very large family, we were 8 siblings and among them two women. I understand you to a great extent, living with so many people makes you get attached to some and distances you from others, I had many problems with my older brother, but the most beautiful thing is that once we became adults all those things are overcome and the love with the family prevails.
I hope your relationship with your siblings gets better soon! ;-)
Those happened in the past, we are adults now as well, except those who are still studying.. You won't believe me, but we are 13 😂...
I understand you perfectly, in much of my family lived that kind of situations, that's why with mine I do everything differently so that each one feels loved, valued and enough.
✨🙏🏽💖.
You are a wonderful and brave person for sharing this with us ✨⭐🌸🥰.
God bless you !!!
Everything will be ok 💖✨🙏🏽.
Everything is okay.. That happened in the past..
Yay! 🤗
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This was touching. Being the eldest daughter is quite the burden, because from a young age, you have to stop living for yourself and commit your life to others; really tasking.
So far now, I am just enjoying my life while working abroad... To at least, forget stress once in a while
Oh my, while reading I felt like reading my own story po.
My family depends on me, I am the breadwinner of the family, and I know the feeling. Naging school-bahay din ang routine ng buhay ko when I was still young, but now I'm 26 pero hindi ko parin magawang piliin ang sarili ko dahil sila parin ang priority, but I guess that's how we love our family po.
Pero alam ko, that you will be blessed Miss Jane, and you will be happy for the rest of your life kasi napakabuti mong anak. :)
Kudos to us.. Mahirap man, pero need kayanin 😊..
Be strong !LADY
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They are fortunate they have you and will happily keep expecting you to give.
You need to put yourself first for once Janey Jane Jane.
Hehe. You make me smile reading that three names 😂😂
😁 Finally I have been trying for a long long time to make Janey Jane Jane smile
I can relate with you Janey!
This is certainly shaping you to become whom you are... sometimes life gives us someone for a while... it's absolutely normal, just like the circle of when mom birthed you and nurture you to grow and now you also help nuture your siblings to grow and once everyone becomes adult they will be enveloped with the sense of responsibility too. Once in a while they give back the love and care you gave to them.... being a first child ain't easy💗💗
Im not the first..but became one when my two older brothers married at a young age.
Thanks
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The burden that came with been the eldest daughter because you are just like a second mother to your siblings and family and lot of responsibilities to cater for. I know how hard it would have been for you and the fact you have been scaling through all this responsibilities and been independent show how wonderful and hardworking you are as a person but I must day don't let anyone deprive you of your enjoyment time and always have fun anyday you get the time to.