Date with my teenage self...

June is the month I was born, and a month ago I decided jointly with my therapist to make peace with my inner 15-year-old teenager.

Why do I do it? I do it to keep healing when something from my past makes me feel insecure, vulnerable... If in childhood you felt abandonment, rejection or lack of attention, those wounds are reactivated in adulthood, such as: the fear that your partner will leave you. Jealousy is a protective reaction perhaps because the inner girl who became a teenager is afraid of losing the love she needed so much as a child.

For this reason and others that I reserve, I did my therapy by attending an appointment with my teenager, my 15-year-old "ME". She was crying because she wanted to go to a party and she couldn't go, her parents didn't give her permission, so my "adult SELF" told her: don't worry, I've made a party with our life.

She told me that she felt ugly, that she was very thin and had very marked dark circles under her eyes; I told her, that doesn't matter, we have achieved a lot of things using the brain and I learned to have more confidence in myself and be an attractive woman.

She, my teenager stopped singing because studying was a priority (that's what Dad told her), and she felt frustrated; I told her, we keep singing beautiful, and that doesn't matter to my children I have allowed them to be the artists they have wanted. I also have a lot of fears and distrust, I don't know how I will achieve my dreams, she told me; I told her calmly...we did it!.

She told me that she feels very sad and empty; I told her that it doesn't matter that we have managed to be happy and at peace.

She wanted to get married and be happy forever; I told her my marriage has been good and functional we have already been a couple for 48 years, from other love stories in my life, I had to learn many things, but today I feel calm and loved. She wrote a book of poems, and won a singing contest, she also knew that she was very good at writing, but she did it in secret, I told her that is about to be fulfilled and in a near time we will achieve it.

Almost finishing our date, she asked to eat a big chocolate ice cream, while I ate another one... But at this very moment one of light yogurt without sugar, because it is healing our body of cancer, but it would pass. Finally, since it's her birthday this June 11th, I gave her a bouquet of flowers, some emerald earrings, and a Swarovski crystal inlaid charm to thank her for still existing in my life.

This that I am writing today in Hive, is healing, and places me in the present, helps me to recognize what I have grown and learned, that to be happy I must only value what I have, that trust is not given, it is earned. If you look with love, nothing will be ugly. Never ❤️.

Today I can only thank my SELF for giving me the strength and wisdom to keep going, even when life has given me difficult tests. Every fall taught me, every challenge made me stronger, and here I am standing with a heart full of gratitude. Today is my birthday, happy birthday to me, 🎂 I keep dreaming big to make life, the best possible.

Janitze 🌹