Until I understood something deeper ...

I DECIDED... invest in healthy love.

Deciding for oneself is not the same, it is not selfishness, it is the kind of love that no one taught us, the one that we have needed the most and the one that scares us the most to practice.

Because it hurts more to let go of a relationship where you carry the weight, than to get out of the conflict that we already knew. It hurts to accept, that we deserve more than we always accept.
It is absolutely true that when a woman tells you the things that bother her, it is because she wants to be nice to you; a quiet woman is a tired woman, and when she gets tired she is ready to leave.

When we truly understand what we deserve, we begin to move differently. Not all at once, not perfect, but being more honest with ourselves.

I also think it is beautiful to invest time in having someone who understands our sensitivity and knows how to take care of our emotions with patience and delicacy, in addition, it is deeply comforting that when we show our vulnerability that the other person responds with understanding, attention and true tenderness.

When the relationship is filled with repeated arguments, long silences, jealousy, tiredness and that feeling of “we don't listen to each other anymore”, the worst thing is to let the relationship continue on automatic.

Stopping on time helps: look at each other honestly, understand what is hurting each other and agree on limits that take care of both, with discretion and closeness, to move from the fight to the dialogue, that act, although heroic at the time, becomes an implicit mandate: “true love implies annul oneself.”

We have been told this so many times that I almost believed it, my maternal grandmother used to tell me: that to love was to endure, to swallow, to stay still or still even if you were breaking inside. We grew up thinking that affection was shown by enduring emotional blows and calling what wore us down “normal." But healthy love does not creep, neither does supplication.

That's where everything changes and we discover that if it is possible to be at peace and that we don't need to destroy ourselves for something to work.

What I'm writing about applies to all links. Many times toxic love comes from one's own family and there we also have to say "enough". We should always be a priority even if we are with a partner and if he or she does not understand that, there is nothing to do there. Neither our principles, nor our values, nor our dignity, are traded for love... Never!!!

Loving yourself is not feeling invincible, it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable without shame, and recognizing that you deserve rest, that you need support, that you don't have to carry everything alone. If we really want to preserve our peace of mind, then let's turn to the one who does not give them, and learn to shake ourselves, run as far as possible from those who do not take them.

Janitze 🦋