A Doctor's Rant 9 : A Painful Recall, Anxiety
Heck, this was one of the fastest posts I have made because I finished it in 10minutes. I had words filling up my head and fast. I need to let out something and I am glad I did. I m glad I can do it here.
Today I got a message from an old time friend who was asking me for one of my lecturers number back in school. I had a hard time with this same lecturer, it took me literally pray to walk past him, he had so much scared me that I knew the best I could was to avoid his way whenever he was coming. And If I did greet him and he responds well, then that’s a good dey, He had a terrible mood swing I just often hated.
People tell me oh , but he is nice and I reply to them, well I know, but I got off on his bad side. Even though he was my teacher and taught so well, he never really could be seen as nice in my eye because of my experiences. I hoped not to come around him or be needing in in my future career plans.
But today this friend called my attention to ask me for his number, it brought a lot of bad memories my way. How could I have had his number when I tried my best to avoid him at all cost. I never got to know him more than he presented the first time, I even got the opportunity to meet him at home at a time but life has a way of preventing your worst nightmare from coming so I never went because I was busy. I told my friend this words without impunity "I DON’T HAVE IT, AND DON’T PRAY TO EVER NEED IT".
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Mood swings are very difficult to get by when people see the other side. I mean, I have seen him nice, he has been nice to me before but You must have said some words that cut deeper than you can ever close with a suture, they say words cut deeper than a surgeons blade. For me it gave me a ?PTSD I haven't recovered from all in the name of Medical training. And those words can keep people in shells of dark realities for years.
I m glad for the people I reached out to people for help, I also believe prayers, devotion and music kept me from tilting into a terrible anxiety disorder. But I'll rather avoid than trigger something I cant hold back.
I m glad I am a Doctor today despite all, and like he always said, "Tomorrow, you may be the one who will treat me and save my life".So be good to everyone. Don’t treat any one badly.
Some of my previous rants are here
Travel Or Die
Doctors Rant 2
Sad Heroes return to work unpaid
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You are on a good way once you are able to detect your triggers. People like the one you talked about have little to no value to ones own life. I feel pity for them. Don't let him have power over you even these days. They thrive on our fears and he can't harm you anymore. Maybe he even made you stronger with his behavior. You reached your goal to become a doctor, haven't you ;)?
Yes I have.. And I m grateful.
And even though I kept forgiving, it seemed like I was doomed to always recall that experience whenever I had something to do with him.
There are really some people you must avoid in life. Even scriptures supports it.
I have chosen to leave him to his game and God.
May our paths never cross, and if it does, as live can always pull a fast one, I hope to have the guts to show him the things he did to me and many other colleagues.
NB: please forgive my typos in the main post. I have edited them. I was really emotional while I made that post. Thanks
No need to apologize. All the best to you :).
Thanks so much for your comment.
All the best to you too @bulldog-joy
The bullying everyone is speaking against going on in secondary schools are also seen in the medical field. Verbal bullying, abusive words and embarrassments, to what end?
Glad you're well past that stage.
It's time to let go of the hurt and heal🤗 Forgive him, for your own good.
God knows I have forgiven, forgetting is the hard part and when I hear someone tell about the same thing I went through.
Yes.. Bullying in Medicine is crazy. Even adults professionals cry and go into unhealthy mental decline just because people are not mindful of their words.
They just lash it out ridiculously and in a teaching environment for that matter.
I have much to say of this and I appreciate your comment.
You seem to have some experience too, do you?
I may have. I make light of the hurtful words so I hardly recall them.
Maybe one during HJ, but I honestly don't want to recall.
Generally, I've been on the fair side.
Your training wasn't as toxic as mine then. My School got the most toxicity than anywhere else.
I'm sorry dear. Words can cut deeper than a knife.
Yeah it does.
I m ve been very careful to be a better human and Dr than him tho.