Camino a la maternidad, mi Everest [ESP/ENG]
Hola a toda la comunidad de Motherhood, mi nombre es Jeniree Ramírez, hace poco he hecho mi introduceyourself , que pueden ver (AQUI) si lo desean, y quiero contarles un poco de mi aprendizaje como madre, sé que es poco tiempo y todavía tengo demasiadas cosas por aprender, pero aun así me gustaría compartirlo con ustedes.
Hello to all the Motherhood community, my name is Jeniree Ramirez, I recently did my introduceyourself , which you can see (link here) if you want, and I want to tell you a little of my learning as a mother, I know it's a short time and I still have too many things to learn, but still I would like to share it with you.
En la actualidad tengo 3 hijos y disfruto de ellos, los amo con todo mi corazón, son ocurrentes como todo niño o bebé y eso siempre me saca sonrisas, son una parte grande de mi felicidad.
No siempre fue así, no siempre he sido así.
Convertirme en madre ha sido la experiencia más dura en mi vida, me tomo mucho tiempo asimilar todos los cambios, llegar a abrazar a mi nuevo YO, sentirme bien conmigo misma y con todas las responsabilidades que llegan con la maternidad
Currently I have 3 children and I enjoy them, I love them with all my heart, they are witty as any child or baby and that always makes me smile, they are a big part of my happiness.
It was not always like this, I have not always been like this.
Becoming a mother has been the hardest experience in my life, it took me a long time to assimilate all the changes, to embrace my new self, to feel good about myself and all the responsibilities that come with motherhood.
I had my first child when I was 23 years old, I was full of illusion and emotion because the being I had dreamed of, that I had longed to meet, was with me.
as a child my mother always told me: "if something has a solution, why worry about it? And if it doesn't, worry less because it has no solution"
so I was not the type of person who despaired when something got out of hand, as long as I could solve it well and if I couldn't,I was optimistic
I told myself: "it will be the best it can be".
By the day of the birth my expectation of being a mother was very small, to breastfeed, to stay up a little late and to have a wound that needed care while it healed.
But breastfeeding hurts, at least two weeks at best while your skin gets used to be more flexible, and if the baby does not want to be breastfed it hurts more, because he just cries and you do not understand well what is happening.
During the first days you can sleep between 4 or 5 hours during the day and after the operation your uterus can play a trick on you, I had uterine atony for which I was admitted to the operating room again for a curettage.
Debido a la sangre que perdí quedé anémica y eso postergo la sanación de mi herida, al final del día, tenía muchos sentimientos en mí: tristeza, incertidumbre, miedo, duda, y lo más importante de todo, había olvidado la frase de mi mamá, había dejado que mi cabeza se llenara con todas las preguntas, y frases externas:
Due to the blood I lost I was anemic and that postponed the healing of my wound, at the end of the day, I had many feelings in me: sadness, uncertainty, fear, doubt
and most important of all,
I had forgotten my mom's phrase, I had let my head fill with all the questions, and external phrases:
"Así se amamanta", "tienes que sentir esto", "póntelo de esta forma", "acomódate de esta forma" conforme pasaba el día del nacimiento esas frases se iban multiplicando y llegaban otra nuevas "¿porque llora tanto?, ¿Tendrá gases?" "Deben ser cólicos", "¿segura que está tomando?", "Debe ser que no está tomando", "no estás produciendo leche", "hay que darle fórmula", "sino come le puede dar un shock hipo glucémico", "¡denle fórmula!"
This is how you breastfeed", "you have to feel this", "put it on this way", "get settled in this way", as the day of birth went by, these phrases multiplied and new ones arrived "why is he crying so much, is he gassy?" "It must be colic", "are you sure he is drinking?", "he must not be drinking", "you are not producing milk", "you have to give him formula", "if he does not eat he could get hypo glycemic shock", "give him formula
Mi segundo bebé lo tuve a los 25, una hermosa niña, con Abril, ya sabía muchas cosas, por lectura y por experiencia, sabía que la lactancia materna iba a ser mi mejor amiga por 6 meses, que el sueño es importante en un bebé, ya que bebé que no duerme, llorara.
I had my second baby at 25, a beautiful baby girl, with April, I already knew many things, from reading and from experience, I knew that breastfeeding was going to be my best friend for 6 months, that sleep is important in a baby,because a baby that does not sleep will cry.
I was already used to not having a continuous sleep, the situation was that I was dealing with guilt, for everything I thought I was doing wrong with Jared, during his first year he had several episodes of flu, stomach infections, his appetite varied, some days he did not want to eat others he did, he ate a lot and got sick, Jared did not have a sleep routine and was used to co-sleeping, (until recently he finally started sleeping alone).
When Jared was 4 months old we moved into our own apartment
and I always felt the need to have everything tidy and clean,
between him, the housework, the pregnancy and the guilt, I began to feel that I could not.
I started to get sad, faint, I was always upset or crying, anything would bring my emotions to the surface. Fifteen days after April was born, I realized that my wound was not closing as it should with Jared I had had a fully covered wound for 15 days,
when they removed the bandage and stitches it was already healed, in the case of April I left the operating room with a bandage that was not so adhered to my skin as to cover the scar.
It could have been that, maybe I did not clean my scar well, maybe I rejected the sutures, for whatever reason my scar had become infected and because of that they removed all the stitches.Now it was an open wound, which required three dressings a day and intravenous antibiotics 4 times a day. I was like that for 20 days, the wound took two months to heal, two months in which although April and Jared were my little piece of light... my anesthesia... the moment where everything was fine, it was not enough, soon everything got worse.
Just as bacteria grow in a breeding ground, bad feelings grew in me, loneliness stalked me, sadness, guilt, worry about having to take care of two children now, sick, I did not know if I would be able to handle it all. And so my life became like this paragraph that should have been only about Abril, my sweet newborn baby girl. For a while I lived like that, until someone pinched where I should pinch and I exploded, like when you get verbal vomit, like when you become hysterical, that's how I exploded.
Cuando Mateo nació, me hizo recordar los sentimientos de ser madre primeriza, no los malos o las incertidumbres, me recordó la emoción, la ilusión, la esperanza, me recordó, el sentimiento que me trasmitía la frase de mi madre, la confianza y la paz que eso me daba.
When Mateo was born, it reminded me of the feelings of being a new mother, not the bad ones or the uncertainties, it reminded me of the excitement, the illusion, the hope, it reminded me of the feeling that my mother's phrase transmitted to me, the confidence and the peace that it gave me.
Along with his birth, situations occurred that made me appreciate life more each day, being with my husband, my children, my home,
and created in me the need to change my perspectives
to leave aside everything that without realizing it had taken away my essence.
Así que hice un viaje a mi antiguo hogar, el hogar de mis padres, en el camino visite a casi todos mis familiares y estar con ellos, ver esos atardeceres, amaneceres, montañas, llanos, ríos, que formaron parte de mi niñez, de mi adolescencia de mi etapa de universidad; la lluvia, la brisa, el abrazo, llorar y reír con ellos me hizo reaccionar, estaba sobreviviendo a mi propia vida por enfocarme en cosas que no eran importantes; por ser presa de la duda, la culpa, la tristeza, el desánimo.
So I made a trip to my old home, my parents' home, on the way I visited almost all my relatives and being with them, seeing those sunsets, sunrises, mountains, plains, rivers, that were part of my childhood, my adolescence, my college years; the rain, the breeze, the embrace, crying and laughing with them made me react, I was surviving my own life by focusing on things that were not important; by falling prey to doubt, guilt, sadness, discouragement.
There were moments in my life where I was so exhausted that I just wanted to have some time to rest, the night was too short for how tired I felt, so I began to forgive myself, to regain my confidence, to do what I had to do and stop worrying about it.
After the trip I was excited to be able to take care of my children, to have time for the three of them, to be able to play with them, to sing, to dance, to be able to be at home with my husband, to talk and remember our younger days.
Many other things have happened to me in these three years and I have learned from all of them, I think that if somehow things had not happened the way they did, I would not be the person I am.
I have heard people say: "I am what I am in spite of what has happened to me" and you can even feel annoyance, resentment in that phrase.
Many times we fill ourselves with negative feelings that we have to get rid of and doing so is painful, the process is painful, because by victimizing ourselves and justifying ourselves, we are refusing to learn and that only extends the process.
From this time I learned that the bad, the negative takes root in you easily and multiplies, on the other hand, the good you have to exercise it day by day.
take care of your mind, because what you are sowing you are going to reap.
He abrazado esa niña,
que no sabía como una madre ser,
mientras la miraba,
le dije: "todo va a estar bien,
en la vida siempre hay aprendizajes,
pero siendo sabias los vamos a obtener".
I have embraced that child,
who didn't know how to be a mother,
as I looked at her,
I said to her: "Everything will be all right,
in life there are always learnings,
but being wise we will get them"
¡nos leemos pronto!
¡con cariño Jeny!
If you've made it this far, thank you soooo much for reading me! and...
see you soon!
all the content of this publication is of my authorship, the photos are from my personal archive, the collages and dividers were designed by me in canva.