Bonds of Resilience
I’d been so busy working on my phone, I didn’t notice her until I heard the sobs and the loud sniffs. I looked up from my phone to see my younger sister crying. Now, Faith is a pretty strong girl who tackles everything head-on and so seeing her cry so bitterly disconcerted me. I beckoned on her and asked her what was wrong.
It took a while for her to get herself together but eventually, she stopped sobbing and started talking. Before, I say what she said, I would like to say that I was pretty excited that she and my other sisters were transferring to a new school. I didn’t like their old high school at all, and neither did they so I was as excited as they were to resume in their new school.
But now, Faith was in tears. And why was this? First off, Faith was constantly at the top of her class in her previous school, but she found out pretty soon that she was way behind with the new school’s curriculum and that saddened her a lot. Then came the fact that she was constantly laughed at by her mates. They laughed at her when she spoke and even when she was silent. They made no efforts to talk to her and when they approached her, it was to laugh at her even more.
She was more than distraught and kept saying, “I miss my former school. Everyone liked me. Everyone listened to what I had to say. What am I doing wrong?”
I was still trying to calm her down as the tears had begun in full force again when I heard the cry of my other sister, Praise. I stifled the urge to say, what’s the matter again? And simply asked what the issue was. And her own story, turns out was similar but quite different.
During the day, she’d gotten a period-stain and was oblivious to it till a classmate alerted her to it. But apparently, everyone else had also seen it so the guys laughed at her nonstop and called her names.
“What about the girls?” I asked. “Didn’t any of them offer to help you?”
But she said they had all ignored her and even one of them whom she’d asked to assist her with her schoolbag so she could cover the stain till she got to the restroom, said, “No, I’m not getting it. Get it yourself.”
My sister was doubly sad by this occurrence because according to her, she thought they'd liked her. And she’d never been treated so terribly in her life.
So, together, I held my crying sisters as they let it all out. When they quietened down again, I began to speak to them.
First off, where Praise was concerned, I told her that it was okay for her to feel bad because you’d think the silly boys would find something better to laugh at than something like that. And to be ignored by girls who faced the same thing she was facing and have none of them come to her aid, but rather blatantly ignore her must be even worse.
However, I told both of them that it was rather surprising that they thought they would have it so easily in their new school. While I couldn’t relate to being a transfer student since I attended one high school from the beginning till the end, I knew what it meant to be ostracized and to be mocked at, for things clearly out of your control. I’d also seen other transfer students that came into the school and even though the students weren’t that mean to the transfer students, they were still sort of ostracized.
What could change that narrative, however, was what they did with their current predicament. Were they going to be the average, transfer students who made an impact and added value to the school or would they remain the unrecognised, constantly antagonized “new students.”
I said this because I remembered a similar situation with a transfer student in my class. No one had paid attention to her and truly, it wasn’t because she was hated, but because nobody saw a reason to associate with her outside the regular politeness. But then the term came to a close and guess who took the first position, with a wide gap in average between her and the person in second place? Exactly, the transfer student.
It was like magic. It was like she transformed in everyone’s eyes. Suddenly, she received compliments on the slightest things. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be her friend. I looked at my sisters as they watched me with wide eyes and hopeful expressions. I reminded them of how important they were and all the potential I saw in them. I also didn’t fail to tell them that it was just an example and they didn’t need to do it just to gain the acceptance of their peers, which wasn’t necessary and frankly not even possible, in my opinion, but because they want to add value to themselves as a person and afford to be proud of themselves.
I added lastly, that there was still another way to make their mates see them. But it was the wrong way, the way that wouldn’t favour them in the long or the short run. They understood and for the first time since the day began, they had a smile on their face. And not just that, a look of fierce determination. I like the feeling I got talking to them and how well they took it.
I guess I don’t have a lot of reasons for saying this other than the fact that I look forward to more words of advice from my dear readers. Maybe things I should add to what I’d told them. Looking forward to all your comments. Have a wonderful weekend.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
@jhymi, @pixresteemer(8/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoYou did well, you said it all.
Facing those challenges were very normal for a start in a new environment.
All through my schooling stages I don't think I ever made moves to impress someone to attract friendship, I just did my thing and people that liked my flow came mingling.
Anyways, Praise and Faith are tender👐
Yeah, I've told them to always be themselves no matter what. Cause the worst thing they can do is try to change themselves to impress others.
I know you were one of the popular kids in school though. Lol
Na, I was the opposite. The only thing that spoke for me was result.
Me that was shy of girls
Reading this jolted the memory of my time as a transfer student, I wasn't lent textbooks as I had not gotten my footing yet and was treated like an outcast for a while till my dad bought so many textbooks that overflowed from my locker then I wasn't looked down on but treated a bit differently nonetheless. It felt as though they thought to themselves that if I was made more comfortable I would surpass them academically.
Kids feel intimidated by transfer kids and their reactions can span up for such a reason and many other reasons best known to them.
I know it must have been a long time ago but I'm sure it must have been such a terrible experience. I don't know what people gain being unnecessarily mean or ostracizing others. But it's okay, and we learn from them eitherway.
We sure do. I learnt a whole lot from it.💕
In a new environment, everyone are stranger and it's natural people don't talk to strangers but with time strangers turn into familiar ones and become friends with many people and it's the same in your sister's class. It's just a matter of time.
!PIZZA
Yeah, I think so. They could be ignored cause no one knows them. But I guess they were just distraught that they added meanness to it. But I've assured them that they'll be fine. Thank you for your thoughtful comment @intishar.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@intishar(4/5) tipped @jhymi
Popularity... SIGH
Ever heard of this song?
As a kid from the 80s, being in high school in the mid to late 90s,
I loved this song.
I still do.
In fact, I have probably seen this US band life, thrice, in The Netherlands.
Give it a listen or, even better, share it with your sisters :<)
I listened to it and I really loved it. I've not had the chance to give them yet. But I'm sure they'd like it, given the fact that it's a high school setting.
Trying to imagine you now as a high schooler. Were you popular?
I had been in a similar situation. With budding pimples and dark spots. I have been called ugly to my face and it was times like that I wished I had someone to talk to apart from my mother 😅 your sisters are lucky. Funny how someone just talked some sense into me about being me and I come and read this.
I'm sure it mustn't have been so nice for you having no one within your age grade to talk to. I wished I saw the person that called you ugly though. Couldn't even be truthful with his or her dissing.😤
Lol. Haha. ❤️
You did well by talking to them. I had a similar experience but wasn't that hurtful because I have my ways retaliating and with time I earned by respect
Ahhhh!!! I would really love to know how you retaliated. I guess I could have done the same in my own case but I didn't want to look like I'm giving them wrong advice.😆
You're such a fantastic sister. 💚 I wish all us girls had an older sister like you growing up- I think the world would be a better place! Your advice to them is super solid.
It's awful that even the other young women in that situations were mean to Praise. As for Faith, it sounds like she will settle in soon. It's hard getting used to a new curriculum and peers!
I think the last part of what you said is really important. Things like being rude back, or feeling you're now in competition with others in hopes of feeling better... Neither of those offer a door to happiness.
Big hugs to you three 🤗 !LUV
@jhymi, @grindan(1/4) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoI'm always trying to get my thoughts together when they bring their issues to me and I'm scared of saying the wrong thing. But I'm glad this turned out well.
I think they'll get the hang of it soon enough. And they're also learning to be strong in the process.
Thank you so much for your heart warming words as always, G. Lots of !luv to you.🤗🤗
@grindan, @jhymi(1/4) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoA wonderfully reflective post on the social dilemmas and personal growth of teenagers, thanks for sharing!
!LUV
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! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoYou're welcome. I enjoyed it.🌺
I have been a transfered student a lot of times and I know that it is not easy to adjust or fit in a first but eventually it gets better, you start making friends and you blend in.
It's nice that that had you to talk to about it and that you gave them good advice on what to do . Well done 👍
#dreemerforlife
I can clearly remember that you were. But I think you blended in pretty nicely. It gets better, especially when you don't dwell on it too much. Thank you @jhymie. I appreciate it.🤗
It wasn't as easy as you think though but yes it gets better. No problem.
I feel really bad for Praise; getting a period stain with her classmates laughing at her, and she wasn't even aware.
Now, that was really mean of the girl who refused to help her with the bag.
I can relate with that hostile attitude one is shown in a new school but definitely, they are going to come around. It's just a matter of time.
Awesome big sis 🥰.
#Dreemerforlife.
I was equally shocked. It didn't make sense at all, especially since they of all people should have understood better but I guess a lot of kids aren't trained right these days.
Thank you for stopping by, sweet Nkem. I appreciate it.🤗🌺
Man, do I know what it is like to be a transfer student. It was hell for me, and even more so for three years until I graduated.
You see, the secondary school I transfered to, the military school, people often referred to transfer students as TM, meaning Transfer Mumu. Truth is, being new in that school made people look very perplexed most of the time, hence the name. But then, could anyone really blame us? It was a derogatory name I had to bear for most of my stay in school.
What's worse, however, was that I had my own class mate punish me one time as I thought he was a senior to me. Apparently, I was set up, and a few of my mates pretended to "respect him" and call him "sir," giving me the impression that he was indeed a senior. I fell for it, and he hurt me, physically and emotionally.
There were many ways I was ostracized; in my hostel, in the classroom, in the dining hall, and on the parade ground. I hated every single day of being in that school. I didn't have any senior brother to teach me how to survive and I was alone. Ergo, I think it's pretty sweet and amazeballs what you did for Praise and Faith. And I think you handled it excellently, like a mother...leading me to reconfirm that you'd be an amazing mother to Hardin, Fangy.
That was such a terrible thing to go through. I've had my own share of meanness but I don't think I would have been able to get over my mates pulling that sort of prank on me. I know it's been a while. But I'm so sorry you went through that.
I thought that was fixed.😉
Thank you, Minion. You know the rest.
Yeah, prank. That's the word I was looking for. Thank you anyway, Tess. I am sorry about yours too.
Oh, yeah. It is fixed. You know what I meant.😂
And I do know the rest.
I didn't think you had a choice but to know, eitherway.🙃
See you around, Minion.
It's feels very bad to be head in a particular territory only to move to another and then discover that you have no voice.. it's hurts, I understand with her. But what she needs to understand is when the journey becomes tough, we have to adjust too inorder to fit in. She can still become the head in the new school if she works hard. However, for now, she should forget about how people treat her and focus on her books... Her success will drag them to her.. nevertheless she shouldn't always strive to succeed inorder to command people's attention.. it is very dangerous, let those who will love us, love us for who we are no matter how few they may be.
She will blend soon, it's just the matter of time, soon everyone will realize the light both of them carry and start coming to them, even those laughing at them, but they must work hard to prove them wrong and teach them how to honor people no matter their conditions
#dreemport
I couldn't have put it better. You've definitely said it all with these thoughtful words, @emreal. I feel focusing on those parts can't bring any good to them.
Very grateful for the thought you put into this comment. Thanks for stopping by dear.🌺
You are welcome all the time hehehe
It is not easy to get familiarise in a new environment, definitely their attitude would make you feel even worse.
But I would say, it's not nice of the girl's in the class to not help praise out, knowing what it means.
You did great with your words of consolation and advice to the girls.
#dreemport #dreemerforlife
High school can be brutal. I had to transfer to another school in my 4th year. It was one of the hardest things for me and changed me to a certain degree.
Your recent post drew me here. You gave great advice to your sisters. Getting good grades and being top in class should not be because they want attention from people, or because they want to be like by other but genuinely because they want to add value to themselves. This is the best advice anyone could give them.